First week of classes can be very stressful for everyone. There's a lot of confusion and meeting new people can induce anxiety. Professors try to be accommodating and understanding of certain aspects, but there is only so much they can do for you.

I hadn't anticipated any real worry. It wasn't anything new, so I felt prepared the week leading up to classes. I've been trying to work on my anxiety by using techniques from a self help book on how to manage it. This has led to me feeling more vulnerable than usual recently due to having to acknowledge the problem. So once I was actually in the position of being surrounded by new people, I felt overwhelmed.

I did my best to not overthink everything. I tried using open body language and breathing techniques. It also helped that I had friends in almost all of my classes. Friendly faces help ease my worries.

Sadly there was one class that I wasn't prepared to handle alone.

My good friend had suggested I take "jazzercise" with her. It sounded fun. I had been trying to workout more and getting school credit for it seemed like a win-win. I hadn't put much thought into it and was already imagining getting dinner before the class, so I wouldn't have to enter this new setting alone.

Unfortunately this week is when our university has formal recruitment for sororities, and my friend couldn't make it.

No big deal except that it was.

I had never taken an activity course and didn't know what to expect. I'd heard the instructor was very serious about the class, so I wasn't sure how hard she would be on me since I was sick and maybe wouldn't be able to participate the whole time.

The more I thought about it, the more I was concerned.

As reluctant as I was, I still got up to get there an hour early, which usually eased my anxiety a bit. But then I started thinking about the shoes.

The instructor had specified that we must wear athletic shoes and, since it had been snowing, that they must be dried.

Carrying my athletic shoes seemed to be the obvious answer, but then I thought that maybe I'd get there early enough for my shoes to dry. So I put on my athletic shoes.

Then I started playing out scenarios in my head where the instructor would notice my wet shoes and reprimand me for not following her instructions. So I put on my snow boots.

I continued to bounce back and forth between which shoes I should wear until I was barely left with enough time to make it to class.

As I walked through the snow I kept playing out scenarios where the instructor would yell at me for doing something wrong. I felt so panicked and anxious by the negative thoughts rushing through my head.

I hadn't even made it halfway to the gym when I realized I couldn't do it.

I couldn't make my legs move. I felt like I was melting. Everything was hot and all I could hear was this loud voice in my head telling me all the ways this situation could go wrong. I knew by the time I'd make it to class I would have already started sobbing or would have had a panic attack. So I turned back around and went home.

Even then the ordeal wasn't over. I had to deal with the shame and frustration of not being able to go to a class because I was too worried about the shoes I was wearing. It sounds so ridiculous thinking about all of it, but I couldn't physically go to class.

Anxiety canbe physically debilitating, and I wish more people understood that. I didn't feel comfortable telling my instructor the reason as to why I hadn't made it the first class of the semester because I didn't know if she would think less of me.