Poetry On Odyssey: Becoming Someone New

Poetry On Odyssey: Becoming Someone New

"Beochaoineadh"

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there is a word in gaelic - beochaoineadh

an elegy for the living

for someone that is gone, but not quite dead, a phantom limb of the self

maybe just wandering, maybe lost, and maybe not wanting to be found at all

i think i left her somewhere in the atlantic, and i don't think she wants me to find her again; we said our goodbyes several thousand feet in the air

but she was the one to finally let go of my hand

and fall

i know she'll be okay down there

we have always loved the water

we have always said drowning would be the best way to go

and even though we both can swim, sometimes it is the thing you love most that has to lay you to rest

she told me she was not fearful of what was to come next, because as long as i stayed here she would never be truly gone

merely shed like a second skin

molted and outgrown

making room for new flesh to feel the sun that she could never really appreciate

there was simply not enough room in that plane for both of us to breathe

this is an elegy for her

a remembrance of all the things we lost and didn't know how to forgive for leaving

she asked me to forgive her for leaving - and i have

in her place she left the first seed, planted in the farthest corner of my heart

she said it would grow with me

and i would know spring, at the end of the longest winter

she took the coldness with her when she went, and with it the bitter sting of loneliness i have slept next to for so long

she was a shelter from the rest of the world, but as she jumped from that metal cabin, she smiled

and i knew she wanted me to find something far less temporary

home

and without her walking in front of me, casting shadows behind her, i know what home feels like

like tiny village streets

and making tea at midnight

and falling asleep next to someone who always says what they mean

and the couple across the street pruning their rose bushes

and a thousand other things i couldn't see before she pulled the night behind the horizon with her

she threw her luggage from the plane before herself

she said that where i was going, i would need more space carved into my heart

i don't know how she knew

maybe i have known this whole time

i am going to miss her, i think

she was no malicious being

all her twisted truths only tried to protect my hollow frame

and for that i cannot fault her

fear is a powerful god

but neither of us much cared for the gospel, and she left the bible in her suitcase when she left anyway

so i am writing my own commandments,

erasing my excuses not to run out of fear

in the end, no one had to run anywhere

who knew forgiving yourself could be so gentle

i hope she finds peace down there, seeing the sky from sun-dappled depths

she has left the sky in her stead

what a gift that is

to place the heavens in the palm of my hand

before taking the ocean as her own

between the two of us, we cover the whole earth, and i am grateful

i hope wherever she is

she's still smiling.

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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We Spend So Much Time Talking About How Much Men Suck In 2019, That We Forget Girls Are Just As Bad

I always talk about how awful guys can be, but let's take a second to talk about how awful my own sex can be, too.

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In our culture, we tend to place all the blame on guys in most relationships by saying how "all men suck" but what about girls?

Girls can be just as bad.

I'm constantly saying how bad guys can be but yet I never stop to analyze things I've done that weren't okay or things my fellow female friends have done that was awful.

I'm not innocent either, I've done some terrible things to really nice guys in my life.

There was one man in my life that genuinely cared for me and wanted to date me but I didn't feel the same at all and lead him on. I honestly didn't think I was leading him on at first but the minute I realized it I tried to nicely let him down. To this day I feel awful about it because I hurt him the way many other guys in my life have hurt me.

I tend to defend my own gender a lot in conversations and I now understand that I really shouldn't. I've seen so many of my female friends treat great guys terribly and have ignored it for so long because I want to believe that females can't be that awful. I was wrong.

I've had some of my best guy friends get treated like absolute garbage by girls that wanted to just party and partake in the hookup culture rather than be with a great guy. I don't get it.

If you have a great man that you're attracted to and loves you unconditionally why would you want to throw it away to chase after boys that won't remember your name the next day?

I've had to keep secrets for friends before that ate me up inside. I had a friend who cheated on her boyfriend by kissing another man in front of me and kept it quiet.

It is NEVER okay to do that to someone, especially a guy that truly cares about you.

It is NOT OK to be on dating apps while dating someone. If you are dating someone, you're exclusive. There is no need to continue talking to men that obviously don't want to just be your friend. There is no good excuse and if you have to try and justify it to yourself, then it's probably not a good idea.

I honestly made myself believe that females didn't play the games men play with our hearts, but we can be just as bad if not worse than a lot of men.

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