Identity. One of the thickest, most heaviest words in all of the English language. I wish I could say with confidence that I wake up every day sure of my purpose, bold in my daily ebbing and flowing, knowing that I serve a greater meaning, but I don’t. I struggle with resting in who I am and I question what I am supposed to be doing with my life more than I would like to admit. I struggle with letting the word identity comfort me because in all reality, it makes me a little nervous, slightly uneasy. Who is Haley Walker? I have no idea!!??!! I feel at times like who I am is constantly changing. My mood changes with the weather and how much sleep I’ve gotten, my appetite changes, my favorite color changes (this month it’s olive green), my grades change (sorry mom), my ideas change, my cravings, longings, and favorites are constantly changing. I am in no way, shape, or form consistent.
How am I supposed to know who I truly am when I feel like the essence of my personhood won’t even stay still? This makes me physically dizzy sometimes, and I wish I would just pick something, you know? But I can’t. My flesh is weak and unreliable, and this all boils down to the fact that I am nothing apart from Christ. In all my wavering, He is my constant. I am a crazy, messy, puzzle containing a piece from every Jigsaw in the world, and only God can make a cohesive, beautiful, coherent story out of that, out of me. My true identity lies in Him and Him alone. Not only is He my identity, but He delights in me. This is a personal connection that I have with The Creator of the universe solely based on grace. God’s greatness does not deny me the acknowledgement of my individuality. God hears my individual cries and cares about my individual pains. God hears my individual hallelujahs and cares about my individual joy. The individuality aspect of Christianity allows me to take comfort in knowing that I have been uniquely created for my specific context. Romans 12:1-8 explains to us that although we are the collective body of Christ, we have individual roles that are each of the utmost importance. It is practically poison to think of yourself more highly than others or more critical to the advancement of the Kingdom than others. We are all valuable body parts, but this doesn’t lessen our value!!! Christianity isn’t about comparison, the true thief of joy. It’s about unity. The unified body of Christ has so, so much God-given purpose.
And get this, God doesn’t just want to save us from death, He wants to give us life!! That is amazing!!! This amazing grace is what gives us our purpose, the ability to live for Christ Jesus as one of His children with reckless abandon. God is so outside of us we EACH have a SPECIFIC role to glorify God. The end goal is NOT myself, and honestly, I couldn’t handle it if that were the case. I am a steward, not an owner. God is the owner of not only me, but also my purpose. As Christians we are allowed, encouraged to build our platform, it is just critical that we build God on top of it.
I could work every single second of every single day and what I would have mustered up to offer would be garbage compared to what I can do under the hands of God. He promises in His word to go both before us and behind us, and I cannot think of anything sweeter. Our earthy purpose is a tattered mess, but our eternal purpose comes with a resilient joy that is unmatchable.
