It’s okay to be confused in college.
And I don’t mean just in your classes, although the same principle definitely applies. I mean about your interests, your weekend activities, your clothing style, your favorite song, your motivation, your mind, your yesterdays and tomorrows—it’s okay to be confused about all of that.
I know, I know, these are the years you’re supposed to be “figuring stuff out.” But that’s a process, not an end result.
It’s different in high school, a little less ambiguous, because everyone loves labels in high school. You tend to get shoved into a mold — smart girl, funny guy, athlete, slacker — and you allow yourself to stay there because it seems like the most logical thing to do.
And maybe by senior year you’re tired of it, or maybe you hated it from the very beginning, but at any rate, by the time you graduate you’re more than ready to step out of the mold and into the world.
So on the first day of college you have an open mind. Everyone keeps saying it’s so much easier to be yourself here, no need to put on airs or maintain personas. And it’s true, you quickly realize.
Here, no one cares whether you’re hosting a pregame or staying in on a Friday night; no one bats an eye if you bring up politics over breakfast or just sit silently and read the paper; no one dismisses your passions as weird or uncool or insignificant. It’s all so free. It’s unbelievable how many people express an interest in finding out who you are.
Except — and here’s that age-old, overused, existential question — who are you?
You would think you’d have that figured out by now. Two decades on the Earth, more or less, and you still haven’t discovered who you are? Where’s the logic behind that?
Then again, if you really think about it… what does that question even mean? Are you supposed to string together different aspects of your life and come up with a “definition” for yourself? If so, what should be included? Nationality, hometown, age, favorite ice cream flavor — how many identities make up a single person?
You hear it all often enough, because these days everyone loves to throw around the phrase “Be yourself.” It’s tempting to laugh at those two words. After all, when it comes down to it, how could you be anything other than what you are? And yet, the truth stifles your smile. “Be yourself.” What happens if you don’t even know where to begin?
Well, maybe that’s okay. Maybe you never find out who you are.
Maybe you keep moving along in life, lifting covers and opening creaky doors, peering around corners and over shoulders, all to try and catch a glimpse of your shadow, until one day you just… stop. You don’t give up, but you stop.
Who knows?
Maybe one day you'll look at yourself in the mirror and you’ll be satisfied with the mystery blinking back at you.