Finding Contentment In New And Different Places

Finding Contentment In New And Different Places

It's a lot more than just being happy in the moment.


Past Contentment

I had the best childhood. When I look back on my years as a kid, I realize those moments were incredible: from watching the haunted mansion 3 times in a row with my cousins, to climbing magnolia trees in the backyard, eating chocolate chip pancakes every morning, learning how to ride my bike with no hands, exploring the eno river behind my house and pretending it was some fairytale land, attending summer camp, and making memories with my best friends.

It seems now like a distant reality that never actually happened. Especially with the state of mind, I've been in for the past year.

When I've asked my friends to describe me, the most common answers run something like this: independent, adventurous, honest, loyal, easy-going, aloof, and positive/optimistic.

I may seem on the outside positive and optimistic but that is probably only because I am not sensitive and I understand that those difficult situations can be overcome. I tell people when they are upset, that all things happen for a reason and that being upset or stressed out is not what they should do. But as much as I preach what I say, I am also very angry with it.

Like I said earlier, my childhood was 11/10, sure it had its ups and downs but I never woke up once feeling sad. I got hurt sure, but it wasn't an everlasting feeling. This was the way it was until I got to high school and I started to realize I was missing something. The people who I consider closest to me are not the ones closest to me in location, and it has been this way forever. In high school, I just seemed to actually comprehend that and I felt lonely. I wasn't content. I had great memories, I was happy, but I wasn't content. When I wasn't doing something exciting - and even when I was - I felt lonely inside.

I am independent, I enjoy my own company, I appreciate my alone time. But it's different when you actually feel alone emotionally.

Then all of a sudden I was blessed.

My junior year, I found people who I saw every day that I enjoyed being with - And for the first time, I didn't feel alone inside, I was content. I had a boyfriend who I loved and nearby best friends that I was able to share my life with.

Then all of a sudden, it was stripped from me.

My content feeling lasted me a year. It seemed unfair that I would lose someone I loved and also not have my support system when I needed them most. This was the summer before my senior year. Because of that feeling of distrust in others, I internally pushed people away and I was no longer content.

I tried my hardest to let people in, but in reality, the only person you can ever trust 100% is you. And that is a fact. I reminded myself that every day and still do.

My senior year had highlights, I had happy moments, but once again I wasn't content. After a while, it didn't matter to me what had happened, it was just the fact that I was no longer content like I used to be and I had no idea when I would be again and that really scared me.

Finding Contentment

After going home for a weekend after one month at NC State, I perked up a little bit. I realized being in a new location was helping me find contentment again. I still am not close to being as content as I was but I feel like I will be soon. I found someone that I can see a future with, and though nothing has really happened yet, I feel like I am getting closer emotionally to the people around me and that maybe I will be able to trust others again.

I am excited about the future, and once again all things happen for a reason and we cannot feel one way for too long - why? Because things are always changing, in bad ways and in good.

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When You Make A Girl An Aunt, You Change Her World In All The Best Ways

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest girl in the world.


My brother and his wife recently blessed our family with the sweetest bundle of joy on planet earth. OK, I may be a little bias but I believe it to be completely true. I have never been baby crazy, but this sweet-cheeked angel is the only exception. I am at an age where I do not want children yet, but being able to love on my nephew like he is my own is so satisfying.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a very protective person.

From making sure the car seat is strapped in properly before every trip, to watching baby boy breathe while he sleeps, you'll never meet someone, besides mommy and daddy of course, who is more concerned with the safety of that little person than me.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her a miniature best friend.

There is something about an aunt that is so fun. An aunt is a person you go to when you think you're in trouble or when you want something mom and dad said you couldn't have. An aunt is someone who takes you to get ice cream and play in the park to cool down after having a temper tantrum. I can't wait to be the one he runs to.

When you make a girl an aunt, she gets to skip on the difficulty of disciplining.

Being an aunt means you get to be fun. Not to say I wouldn't correct my nephew if he were behaving poorly, but for the most part, I get to giggle and play and leave the hard stuff for my brother.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her the best listening ears.

As of right now I only listen to the sweet coos and hungry cries but I am fully prepared to listen to all the problems in his life in the future.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the best advice giver.

By the time my nephew needs advice, hopefully, I will have all of my life lessons perfected into relatable stories.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a number-one fan

Anything you do in life sweet boy, I will be cheering you on. I already know you are going to do great things.

When you make a girl an aunt, she learns what true love is.

The love I have for my nephew is so pure. Its the love that is just there. I don't have to choose to show love every day, I don't have to forgive, I don't have to worry if it is reciprocated, it is just there.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest person in the world.

I cannot wait to watch my precious nephew grow into the amazing person that I know he is going to be.

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Goodbye School, Hello Real World

I'm ready for ya!


It's starting to hit me.

I've been in school, year after year, since kindergarten. Maybe even pre-school!

Now, I'm about to graduate with my bachelors in communication and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I'll say it. I often sugarcoat it or suppress it but d*mn it. I'm going to applaud myself. It was hard work. It took a lot of motivation, determination, (caffeine), and willpower to get to where I am today. I worked my ass off.

That being said, I can't help but think... What is life without due dates? What is life like without scrambling to turn in an assignment that's due at 11:59 PM? What is life like with actual sleep? Sleep? I don't know her.

Like I keep telling my boyfriend and my parents, I don't have it all figured out. At least not right now. But I will, and I'm in no rush to land my dream job right now. If anything, I want to take a year to myself. I want to travel. I want to sleep in if I d*mn well please! I want to read as many books as I want. I want to write till my fingers fall off (OK, maybe not that).

You get the jist.

I'm free. I can do and be whatever I want. And you know what? That's terrifying.

I'm lost. I've followed this structure for so long. Now what?

I don't have all the answers yet. But for now, at least right at this very moment, I'm so thankful to have been able to receive such an amazing education. And to be able to say I'm graduating with my bachelors in communication at 21 is an accomplishment in itself.

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