This week for one of my classes, I was able to write an essay, and if you have ever met me or you're my friend. You know that I have an odd joy for writing essay's for school. Maybe this is the reason why I am an English Education major. Overall, the story has somewhat of an uplifting message. So I thought sharing this may give others perspective through my own experience with flaws or insecurities. Here's my story.

Wear areas tend to be based on one little small part of the body whether it be the eyes, the ears, or even the nose. My personal wear area would have to be my two legs which have affected my life a great deal. When I was younger it was considered more attractive to have small, lanky legs, unfortunately my legs were chunky, or squishy as I used to call them. I remember always comparing my legs to other girls, hoping one day that my legs would shrink down to the narrow, smooth, and stronger legs they all had. At the time, I would obsess over the fact that when I sat down, I saw my thighs spreading across the universe all the way from the earth to the sun is how big I thought my legs had been. My earliest memories in sixth grade were when I was made fun of for my size, some comments intentional to dampen my mood while others were not so intentional.

A specific occasion that brings me back to a time that I was trying to have a normal night with my good friend in eighth grade, her name was Daisy. We had been hanging out in this very expensive church, it had high ceilings and kind of had the smell of a new car. I believe it even had a coffee shop crammed inside as well. Daisy attended church there every Sunday. Sunday is for the formal mass, but today was the middle of the week, a Wednesday, and we were in the very upbeat youth group she had invited me to. I had been going for many weeks now, and I was having a pretty good time, getting to know random people and doing the activities we had in front of us. During this specific session, I remember both Daisy and I were sitting up against a wall in the open, carpeted area. All the kids there were running around playing one of two sports ---kickball or tag. There was a smell of sweat in the room, it reminded me of the times I’d walk past a middle school boy’s locker room and stenches of body odor, that had the scent of aged cheese and a dead fish. This smell was combined with that new car smell, creating a very interesting stench.

The room was extremely loud. It was so loud that I had to scream at my friend, the sound of voices echoed around gym area making my ears hurt. Daisy and I, sat most likely obsessing over the latest YouTube personality at the time. I also remember what I was wearing as well, I wore bright red, skinny jeans that were rough to the touch and hugged my thicker legs perfectly showing the shape of them. My bigger-old gray tee-shirt has a homemade saying on it, at the time this occurred I loved the infamous boy band, One Direction. This created me to want to do things that was anything One Direction. The shirt read in terrible sharpie, “HARRY <3’S BRI”, I sat down next to my friend, who was wearing bright and almost creamsicle colored, skinny jeans with a striped shirt that was scattered with, turquoise, navy blue, creamsicle orange, and sun yellow. We were bouncing off the walls because of what we were chatting about. Daisy was most likely raving about her crush in the large church.

“He’s so adorable,” she gushed, putting her hands together looking his way in awe as I sat trying to convince her that another boy, otherwise known as Harry Styles, was in definite need to have me as his companion but she wasn’t listening to me hammering on about his silky locks.

The subject quickly changed to the level of cuteness everyone was around us. We defined people by a phrase we made up off the top of our heads. She had kept listing different kinds of cuteness such as sleepy cute, funny cute, somehow cute, unexplainably cute, and then it got to listing off what one her friend’s was.

“She’s chubby cute,” she took a pause after her words and exclaimed, “AWH! Kind of just like you Brianna, chunky cute.” I was taken aback by this, was I really that heavy? I had tried to avoid getting bigger my whole life and now I was the fat friend. Although it wasn’t intentional, the comment really hurt. In my younger years I had always struggled with how much I weighed and it always affected me a great deal. Daisy never meant to hurt my feelings, but now whenever I start to doubt how I look I always end up thinking of this story, in a funny way it motivates me to look at myself differently than others do.

I would look at my legs and only see terrible things like big, fat, flabby, filled with stretch marks, large, massive, and not skinny enough. These were lies that were put to my legs, by others and myself. But the real truth behind women’s legs is that they do not have to conform to any shape or size. My legs are the ones that hold me through life, they give a meaning to move and talk and walk around. It shows other’s how tall or short I am, still filled with the beauty I embrace every day. My thighs tell the stories I have deep within myself. My legs all together show this, they show me how long I’ve stood for a concert, how strong I am when I walk or run. Swimming in a mystery of how graceful I am swimming like mermaid, in the deep and blue filled chlorine water.

My legs have taught me to love every shape and curve I have, to give myself strength when I need it the most. More importantly, my legs have showed the wonders of the world, giving me the perspectives of others. When I am able to see the world, I am able to see who I am as a person. I believe that I am beautiful in my own awkward teenage way, and my legs make that beauty. Every time I’m doubting myself, I think of this one story in particular because well, at the time I thought being “chubby cute” was a bad thing. But I try to embrace the chubbiness, showing the world the beauty of who I am. Someday, no matter what gender, sexuality, race, religion you are I want you to remember that you are able to find your own beauty.

All you have to do is look, it may just be right in front of you.