It Is Time To End My Battle With Anxiety

It Is Time To End My Battle With Anxiety

I honestly do not know what it is like to not have a racing mind filled with fearful what if's.

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I feel like I have tried everything under the sun to stop worrying and calm down on my own but nothing has worked. I have tried every natural remedy, mediation and therapy, but I still feel the same. There comes a point when you have to realize it is out of your control and maybe it is time for medication.

I have been struggling with anxiety since middle school. It is almost impossible for me to imagine what it is like to not be constantly overthinking or worrying about something that most of the time, hasn't even happened yet.

My anxiety wasn't too bad in high school, but looking back I just think I didn't have enough self-awareness to realize it was a problem. I really felt like something in me wasn't normal when I started college.

I was just worrying, stressing and overthinking every day to the point where I physically was making myself sick. And after talking to other people I realized that not everyone felt like this. So why did I?

Generalized anxiety disorder is much more than the normal anxiety people experience day to day. It is chronic and people experience severe worry and tension. It is a real disorder and can't be fixed from what so many people have told me, "Just don't worry about it." People with anxiety to this level just have something chemically off in their brain.

Anxiety to me feels like I'm constantly walking on eggshells through my life, with this just overall fear that has no real cause. The symptom I hate the most is the dissociated veil that I have over my eyes. I just feel kind of out of it all the time and I feel like I'm just waiting for that veil to lift so I can start to live my life.

I didn't decide to seek anti-anxiety medication until I saw the physical toll my anxiety was having on my body. Headaches, bladder and neck pain all caused by my muscles being so tight from the worry. I just can't let this go on any longer and see what other damage it can do.

I haven't wanted to be put on anti-anxiety medication so my mom and I have tried everything else we could think of for years but nothing has worked.

I am scared of the possible side effects and I am scared of the possibility that it won't work or that it will make me feel worse, but I have to try.

I owe it to myself to be brave and take this step in hopes that someday I can feel at peace and think clearly. I honestly do not know what it is like to not have a racing mind filled with fearful what if's and that makes me sad.

I deserve to be happy and live my life fearlessly and that is exactly what I am going to do.

Once I find a medication that works it's going to feel like I am finally awake. I'm going to be a whole new me.

And I can't wait to meet her.

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9 Metaphors That Describe Anxiety To Non-Anxious People

Anxiety is difficult to explain, and even more difficult to understand.
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Everyone experiences anxiety in one form or another. However, there is a large difference between having an anxiety disorder and feeling anxious every now and then. For instance, it is pretty common and typical for someone to be anxious before they take an exam, but becoming so anxious that they don't eat and decide to not show up to the exam at all could be a sign that that person has a disorder. Anxiety disorders themselves range from being mild to severe, and it can also depend on what triggers a person experiences and how often. In short, anxiety is a broad term that ultimately depends on the individual.

It can be difficult to describe anxiety to someone who has never truly experienced it like the people who have disorders do. Social media is full of attempted explanations, but there are still those people who tell us to "get over it," "don't think about it so much," and "there's no reason to be anxious." One of the biggest misunderstandings about having anxiety is that most of the time we know that there isn't any real reason to be anxious, and that our minds are overreacting. The thing is, though, it just feels impossible for us to turn it off and think logically in that moment. There's not a whole lot we can do.

Since that can still be confusing, I've compiled a list of metaphors and analogies that might make a little more sense to those who have never truly experienced anxiety before.

1. Anxiety is when you leave the house and feel like you have forgotten something but can't remember what it is, and worrying about it all the time.

2. Anxiety is the mini heart attack you receive when you're walking down the stairs and miss a step, but your heart never calms down and the butterflies remain in the pit of your stomach.

3. Anxiety is when you are watching a scary movie and you know something is about to pop out and scare you, but it never does, so you just keep waiting for it to happen.

4. Anxiety is taking the phrase "step on a crack, you'll break your mom's back" way too literally, and having to focus on where you step each time you go for a walk.

5. Anxiety is not knowing whether or not someone is being rude or just sarcastic, so you constantly wonder how they feel about you.

6. Anxiety is the feeling that someone is following or watching you, even though no one is ever there.

7. Anxiety is diving deep underwater, then swimming back up to the surface, but the surface is farther away that it seemed so you suddenly feel as if you are about to drown.

8. Anxiety is feeling like every day tasks, such as taking a shower, might result in your harm, even though reality tries to convince you otherwise.

9. Anxiety is the fear of fear.

Again, some of these might not apply to everyone that has anxiety, because anxiety is so different for everyone. I know that there are probably a million different ways to describe anxiety based on what each individual person is anxious about, so this list is just a start. If you are reading this and have anxiety, I hope you find comfort in the fact that someone can relate to what you feel. If you are reading this and don't consider yourself an anxious person, I hope that this gives you a better understanding of what people experience when they say they have an anxiety disorder. Either way, remember that whatever it is you're anxious about, the storm will always pass. Stay strong.

Cover Image Credit: Bustle

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Well, Here I Am Again Writing An Article At 2 AM Because My Anxiety Is Not Letting Me Sleep

My anxious thoughts late at night are horrible.

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Life is crazy and rough and sometimes sucks. My anxiety has been at its worst this semester, and if I'm being honest - it's driving me insane. I have lost sleep because of it. I have missed classes because of it. I have skipped out on being around friends because of it. The last one is the one that always confuses me, though. I'm at my happiest when I'm around people. I love it, but lately, there have been multiple days where I would rather curl up in a ball and cry.

I struggle to breathe. I struggle to keep up with life. I have all of these thoughts racing through my head. One after the other, trying to see which one will be victorious. However, all of them are victorious because they all have me wide awake. I haven't had a decent night of sleep in a while. At this point, I could probably say its been almost a year since I slept well.

It's yet another night. 2 a.m. and I'm wide awake, crippling with thoughts I want out of my head.

It's constant. It never really stops. I can hear it early in the morning, as I eat my lunch when I'm walking to class, and especially late at night. Right now, the thought screaming the loudest is "No one likes you. That's why you're here and not there." I know it's not true.

My anxious thoughts late at night are horrible. I hate them. They irritate me. They keep me up all hours of the night. I toss and turn for hours on end wishing for all of these anxious thoughts to end. I think about things from years ago. I think about things from yesterday. These things never seem to end.

My anxiety has been horrible lately. I haven't been able to get a proper night's sleep in months. I've averaged 3-4 hours a night. I hate it. My mind won't turn off. The racing thoughts never seem to end. I am sick of it. I want to get out of this, but I just can't. Why is this happening?

I have not been able to breathe properly in weeks. I have to physically stop, breathe in deeply, and practically yawn to catch my breath. Why? Why is this happening? I hate it. I'm so stressed from life. This needs to stop.

My body is weak. My mind is no longer concentrating. I want to run away from all of this, but I know that is not how I should handle it. This needs to end. My days can no longer be filled with hopes of a class being canceled or pretending like it is so I don't have to go.

Anxiety has overtaken my life, and I am sick of it. I am ready for it to leave. It won't though. It will continue to reside in my body. I hate it. I can't breathe. I want to cry, but I just can't. I'm sick of this. Anxiety can f*ck off because it has no business taking control of my life.

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