It Is Time To End My Battle With Anxiety

It Is Time To End My Battle With Anxiety

I honestly do not know what it is like to not have a racing mind filled with fearful what if's.

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I feel like I have tried everything under the sun to stop worrying and calm down on my own but nothing has worked. I have tried every natural remedy, mediation and therapy, but I still feel the same. There comes a point when you have to realize it is out of your control and maybe it is time for medication.

I have been struggling with anxiety since middle school. It is almost impossible for me to imagine what it is like to not be constantly overthinking or worrying about something that most of the time, hasn't even happened yet.

My anxiety wasn't too bad in high school, but looking back I just think I didn't have enough self-awareness to realize it was a problem. I really felt like something in me wasn't normal when I started college.

I was just worrying, stressing and overthinking every day to the point where I physically was making myself sick. And after talking to other people I realized that not everyone felt like this. So why did I?

Generalized anxiety disorder is much more than the normal anxiety people experience day to day. It is chronic and people experience severe worry and tension. It is a real disorder and can't be fixed from what so many people have told me, "Just don't worry about it." People with anxiety to this level just have something chemically off in their brain.

Anxiety to me feels like I'm constantly walking on eggshells through my life, with this just overall fear that has no real cause. The symptom I hate the most is the dissociated veil that I have over my eyes. I just feel kind of out of it all the time and I feel like I'm just waiting for that veil to lift so I can start to live my life.

I didn't decide to seek anti-anxiety medication until I saw the physical toll my anxiety was having on my body. Headaches, bladder and neck pain all caused by my muscles being so tight from the worry. I just can't let this go on any longer and see what other damage it can do.

I haven't wanted to be put on anti-anxiety medication so my mom and I have tried everything else we could think of for years but nothing has worked.

I am scared of the possible side effects and I am scared of the possibility that it won't work or that it will make me feel worse, but I have to try.

I owe it to myself to be brave and take this step in hopes that someday I can feel at peace and think clearly. I honestly do not know what it is like to not have a racing mind filled with fearful what if's and that makes me sad.

I deserve to be happy and live my life fearlessly and that is exactly what I am going to do.

Once I find a medication that works it's going to feel like I am finally awake. I'm going to be a whole new me.

And I can't wait to meet her.

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This Is Why Teenage Girls Are Especially Susceptible To Depression

No, they are not just being "dramatic"

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Studies today show that one-third of teenage girls today will suffer from depression. Scientists still are not 100% sure why this may be, but a lot of reasons can vary from simple hormones or even the way they are socialized in society.

Teenagers in general are more susceptible to depression than most people. This is because teenagers' brains are not yet fully developed, so if any bad thing happens then it literally seems like the end of the world to them (This also is a big contributor to teen suicide). So already being a teenager puts one at odds for depression, but why more so if one is a female?

A lot of the time, girls are socialized to feel more pressure to be perfect in unrealistic ways than boys are because of the way our society portrays what a "perfect woman" should be. These standards placed by society are usually unattainable.

Luckily, there are many campaigns that show us that there is no "perfect girl" and we all are beautiful just by being healthy and happy individuals. So even though we are headed in the right direction as a society, it does not stop many girls from feeling the pressure of meeting the impossible goal of perfection that is still put out there.

Hormones and the simple biology of things can also prove to be a reason why girls can easily fall into depression. Not only are their brains not fully developed, but young girls can be much more sensitive to distress than others.

So not only does everything feel like the end of the world if one is going through a hard time, but it is more likely for girls to be more easily triggered than boys putting them at higher risk. It also does not help when teenage girls are constantly deemed as "dramatic" and "overly emotional."

Our society has recently put a huge emphasis on mental health because of the devastating numbers associated with teenage suicide. Luckily, we have science to prove that teenagers and depression is very real and since have taken measures to help all people with depression and prevent those who suffer from feeling like they have no other option.

The absolute best thing that one can do who is feeling depressed is talk about it. This is something one probably hears a lot and sounds very cliche, but don't forget that we live in a time where we can talk about our mental struggles and no one will think you are crazy like they used to. And above all else, YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN.

We are privileged to have so many resources that can help us when we are suffering. Just remember that you are loved and there is always someone who is willing to help you get through any struggles you may be facing.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255Available 24 hours every day

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6 Ways People With Major Depressive Disorder Live Life Differently

The trauma I experienced in my early teens has prevented me from having close relationships with new people. I want to be friendly and outgoing but sometimes it seems damn near impossible.

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Being told at the tender age of 14 that you have major depressive disorder is not how you want to start your freshman year of high school. I've missed some of which was supposed to be the best years of my life. I have written and probably deleted this article at least seven different times due to the fear of judgment. There are no words I can put into this article on how to describe the daily struggle myself, and a majority of people struggle with major depressive disorder have to deal with. How do you explain to strangers, the reason I'm being standoffish is that I automatically think you're judging me. "What could possibly be wrong in your life?" is a common phrase I'm tired of hearing. People who haven't struggled will never understand.

It's time to educate the "normal" people on this topic and why it doesn't define us as people.

1. Wanting to be social, but you just can't

The trauma I experienced in my early teens has prevented me from having close relationships with new people. I want to be friendly and outgoing but sometimes it seems damn near impossible. I'm not intentionally trying to be a bitch, but that's just how it comes across when I am feeling shy. If you feel as is if I'm being standoffish, don't assume, just ask and I'll explain.

2. Freaking out over situations that haven't happened yet

In my friend group, I am notorious for this. If someone close to you is experiencing this, instead of telling them to relax, explain to them it's all in their head and hasn't even happened yet.

3. Missing out on sleep

I normally only get around three and a half hours of sleep at the most during the night, which is why I'm always so tired during the day and sometimes a little grouchy. So when you tell me I look rough, I'm well aware. When you tell me I'm moody, I'm most likely groggy and just not caring about the day anymore at that point.

4. Having a bigger heart then most

Being in this state of mind, I will always be sympathetic with others feelings. I am normally a friend who can relate to just about any situation. I will never judge anyone when they confide in me.

5. Not always being in that state of mind

This is the biggest missed conception of being depressed. I have my moments, days, or even weeks but this doesn't mean my whole life is a depressive episode. I do have really great days.

6. Feeling harder for other people's emotions

I've only been in two relationships in the last four years, which made me feel very good and then very bad. Even in friendships, I tend to be more charismatic. I never want someone to feel underloved. When someone else is feeling an emotion, I will feel it with them. This can be a great thing in friendships, or it can affect me negatively depending on the emotion being felt.

* * *

These are all just qualities that come with this disorder, but not one single one of them define me as a person. Next time someone close to you has one of these symptoms, stop making them feel like it's their fault. Try to understand them better. Always check up on your friends and family.

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