I have depression and anxiety. There. I said it, and, as far as I can tell, the world is still turning. Why is it that so many like myself force themselves into silent suffering? The internalization of the social stigmas surrounding mental illness has become an unspoken yet shockingly prevalent issue. According to the Healthy Minds Study conducted by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in accordance with the Jed and Clinton Foundation Health Matters Campus Program, 33% of undergraduate students nationally have been diagnosed by a health professional with a mental illness. If so many of our peers suffer from some degree of a mental disorder (including depression or other mood disorders, anxiety disorders, attention deficit disorders, learning disabilities, eating disorders, substance abuse disorders and sleep disorders), why are we so afraid to talk about it?
The Healthy Minds Study not only screened for the prevalence of mental illness among college students, they also included questions that involved the effects of social stigmas. In reference to the frequency of students who avoid treatment for their illness, 55% of participants agreed with the statement: “Most people feel that receiving mental health treatment is a sign of personal failure.” When presented with the statement: “Most people think less of a person who has received mental health treatment,” 48% of people said they agreed.
These shocking statistics show the devastating results of these stigmas because they demonstrate just how much people fear revealing their illness and receiving treatment. Anyone who has suffered from a mental illness is most likely no stranger to these feelings of avoidance. When I was diagnosed, I feared what my friends and family would think of me. Would they call me crazy? Unstable? Would they pity me? Make excuses for me? I wanted none of that. I especially didn’t want to be treated any differently by those close to me just because I had a disorder. The thing is, I wouldn’t have hesitated to share my struggles with the people close to me if I had anemia, cancer, a broken leg or any other physical ailment that requires long-term treatment. But the reality is that our society views ailments of the mind differently than those of the body.
Due to my internalization of our society's views and my resulting shame, I attempted to deal with my mental illness on my own. For two years, I disregarded my feelings -- buried them deep inside myself until I couldn’t bear it anymore. The pain became overwhelming and I lost my will to live, lost my purpose. As my mother held my hand in the emergency room the night after I attempted to take my own life, my regret was overwhelming. It was not regret I felt for the revelation of my illness because I wasn’t ashamed to make my family and -- eventually -- my friends aware of my suffering anymore. No -- I felt shame for what I put my loved ones through by waiting. I regretted not asking for help earlier when I knew I needed it but feared too much what people would think. I hid my illness so well that no one knew anything was wrong. No one was aware of the war happening within my mind that I battled day in and day out. The shock of my sudden attempt to give up on myself hurt my family excessively and that is what hurt me more than anything. The disturbing thing is that my story is not unique. There are thousands of stories just like mine and, after my diagnoses was revealed, I discovered a whole web of people close to me that shared in my struggles. This gave me an entire support system that I otherwise wouldn’t have known existed.
After several years of therapy and medication, I have come to accept that I have an illness and I am treating that illness. There is no shame in having a mental disease. In fact, I believe it can be honorable. Struggling with depression and anxiety has given me the ability to be in tune with not only my emotions but the emotions of those around me. It gives me the ability to empathize with others. I have suffered and can understand pain. If you are struggling with a mental illness, just know that you are not alone. Know that mental illness is something you deal with. It is not who you are and you can overcome it. Seek the help you need and fear not what others think because, more than likely, the people who loved you before will still love you after. You can’t do this alone and you don’t have to. Fight the stigmas, get the help you need and take back your life.