Stop Saying Tomboy, It's Only Oppressing Your Daughter

I'd Rather Call My Future Daughter Strong And Powerful Rather Than Degrade Her And Call Her A Tomboy

I never want my daughter someday to believe she is weak and has to change.

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Growing up, I was definitely considering a "tomboy." I never liked the idea of cheerleading or constantly having my nails painted in pink. I always preferred being "one of the guys," and playing dodgeball, tossing a football, or just chasing each other in a game of tag. Not to brag or anything, but I could also talk about football since my dad did his best to educate me.

I also hated brushing my hair, for which my mom talked me into getting a pixie cut because I always refused to style it in the morning when getting ready for school. I swam and took taekwondo lessons, which required me learning how to punch and kick to defend myself. I also hated the idea of wearing dresses or a skirt because they just seemed uncomfortable to me. I wasn't your typical girl growing up, and I understand that. I actually embrace it.

I was the girl who also loved listening to Green Day and the Ramones because that's what my dad listened to. I loved wearing the color black because, for a while, Hot Topic was my favorite store (mainly because I could buy band tee shirts there). When asking what I wanted to be when I grew up, I thought of being a soldier like my dad. I didn't see myself being a "mother" as a career like most little girls in first grade.

Even though I don't remember my parents calling me a tomboy, it was how I identified myself. I only told people I was a "tomboy" because that's how my teachers and classmates in elementary school described me.

Now, looking back on it, I hate using the term "tomboy."

All it does is belittle young girls that they are always inferior to men, that masculinity is above femininity. I never want my daughter someday to believe she is weak and has to change. Gender is on a spectrum, and it should be celebrated as such.

I want my daughter to be celebrated as strong and powerful. I want her to go out for football if that's where her passion is, not just say no because that "isn't something that girls do." My daughter should be able to feel comfortable in her skin without feeling the need to have to conform to gender norms.

If she doesn't want to be a mother, great.

If she wants to wear baggy sweatpants and loose fitting tee shirts.

All I want for her is for her own happiness and to be comfortable in her body rather than feeling like she has to conform for people to accept her. Whatever passion or things she likes, as long as she is healthy and safe, that's all I should care about as her mother.

As her mother, I will embrace her for who she is rather than what she looks like. You don't have to be dressed "pretty in pink" to be seen as attractive. Looks aren't everything anyway. It is who you are on the inside that matters.

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I'm The Girl Who'd Rather Raise A Family Than A Feminist Protest Sign

You raise your protest picket signs and I’ll raise my white picket fence.
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Social Media feeds are constantly filled with quotes on women's rights, protests with mobs of women, and an array of cleverly worded picket signs.

Good for them, standing up for their beliefs and opinions. Will I be joining my tight-knit family of the same gender?

Nope, no thank you.

Don't get me wrong, I am not going to be oblivious to my history and the advancements that women have fought to achieve. I am aware that the strides made by many women before me have provided us with voting rights, a voice, equality, and equal pay in the workforce.

SEE ALSO: To The Girl Who Would Rather Raise A Family Than A Feminist Protest Sign

For that, I am deeply thankful. But at this day in age, I know more female managers in the workforce than male. I know more women in business than men. I know more female students in STEM programs than male students. So what’s with all the hype? We are girl bosses, we can run the world, we don’t need to fight the system anymore.

Please stop.

Because it is insulting to the rest of us girls who are okay with being homemakers, wives, or stay-at-home moms. It's dividing our sisterhood, and it needs to stop.

All these protests and strong statements make us feel like now we HAVE to obtain a power position in our career. It's our rightful duty to our sisters. And if we do not, we are a disappointment to the gender and it makes us look weak.

Weak to the point where I feel ashamed to say to a friend “I want to be a stay at home mom someday.” Then have them look at me like I must have been brain-washed by a man because that can be the only explanation. I'm tired of feeling belittled for being a traditionalist.

Why?

Because why should I feel bad for wanting to create a comfortable home for my future family, cooking for my husband, being a soccer mom, keeping my house tidy? Because honestly, I cannot wait.

I will have no problem taking my future husband’s last name, and following his lead.

The Bible appoints men to be the head of a family, and for wives to submit to their husbands. (This can be interpreted in so many ways, so don't get your panties in a bunch at the word “submit”). God specifically made women to be gentle and caring, and we should not be afraid to embrace that. God created men to be leaders with the strength to carry the weight of a family.

However, in no way does this mean that the roles cannot be flipped. If you want to take on the responsibility, by all means, you go girl. But for me personally? I'm sensitive, I cry during horror movies, I'm afraid of basements and dark rooms. I, in no way, am strong enough to take on the tasks that men have been appointed to. And I'm okay with that.

So please, let me look forward to baking cookies for bake sales and driving a mom car.

And I'll support you in your endeavors and climb to the top of the corporate ladder. It doesn't matter what side you are on as long as we support each other, because we all need some girl power.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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The Problem With Men

The damage of toxic masculinity.

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Toxic masculinity is deeply rooted in stereotypes held for the male population. It's characteristics are a constant outward appearance of being strong mentally and physically, a suppression of emotion, and a violent behavior to assume a presence of power. The problem with men isn't men themselves, but societies reinforcement of these qualities defined as toxic masculinity. Nevertheless, men are still responsible for their actions and should hold themselves accountable.

Toxic masculinity causes problems for everyone, but it is particularly harmful to women. It is a contributing cause to domestic violence, sexual harassment, and rape. The United States has begun to recognize these issues and people have come together to fight them. What becomes overlooked, is the damage toxic masculinity has on men. The constant need to be strong and conceal emotion is extremely harmful to mental health. We cannot all be strong all the time, but that is the societal standard for men. This can be a contributing factor of increased suicide rates and decreased mental health in the male population. The need to prove power through violence could also be a reason for the overwhelming amount of men to women in the prison population. Some examples of the lesser effects of toxic masculinity are the assumptions that boys cannot play with dolls or like princesses, that men cannot wear dresses or skirts, and that men cannot be interested in makeup or clothing. This greatly limits individuality and outer expression for men. Girls have gained the acceptance to play with trucks or like superheroes, women can wear pants, and can be interested in cars or tools. There is still a long way to go for women, but for men, the battle for these simple things has not even been won.

Toxic masculinity stems from the fact that men are still held as superior to women. To show emotion, or to be 'weak', or to do anything that makes them akin to women will undermine their societal superiority. Inequality of the sexes has led to the issue of toxic masculinity and it all comes from prejudice and discrimination against women. To fix toxic masculinity we have to address the issue of perceived inferiority of women. Men cannot get completely better until the problem that births all the rest, is solved.

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