Yes, Feminism Can Be Toxic, Too

Even As A Feminist, I Can't Deny That Feminism Can Be Toxic Sometimes

Claiming to be a "feminist" these days doesn't just entail supporting women for what they choose to do.

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I was at a Starbucks a few weeks ago, meeting up with my best friend after months of separation. The college atmosphere was fairly new to both of us, him being an art school student while I attended one of the most liberal universities in the country. We were talking about our day-to-day activities and lives when he popped one of the questions I've come to dread over the months.

"Aren't you a political science major? Ugh, please don't bring up politics, it's such an annoying thing these days."

I wasn't surprised. Myself and other political science students have been told this many times. Politics have evolved over the decades. There used to be a time when people with different ideologies could engage in civil discussions about current events. Now it's turned into an ongoing debate of what is right and what is wrong. People don't put aside their differences as easily to find their happy medium.

I asked my best friend why he thought of politics in that way when his answer took me by surprise.

"It's all of this feminist talk. I'm sick of it. Since when did some feminists find it okay to blatantly hate men as part of "supporting women?"

I couldn't find myself disagreeing. That's when I knew that feminism isn't always what it strives to be. Claiming to be a "feminist" these days doesn't just entail supporting women for what they choose to do. Many feminists have changed that definition to include degrading the majority of men for the actions of a select few. It's not uncommon for people to claim that all men are rapists, for example. Good men exist too. It's unfair that this thinking extremely present in feminist ideology, and often causes many feminists to debate their stances using flawed arguments.

What many feminists fail to realize, is that equal opportunity does not always relate to equal outcome. Just because women are given the ability to do something men do does not mean they will be treated exactly the same for those things. This is the sad reality that we live in. Look at promiscuity, for example. Why is it that when a man is promiscuous, he is awarded for his behavior? A man could have had many sexual partners in his past and still find it possible to settle down with a female at some point. Look at it from a female's perspective, however. If a woman has had multiple sexual partners and tries to settle down with a man, why is it that many of these women are looked down on? They've only done what men do, after all. This is what I'm arguing. Feminists need to realize that it's a huge step in itself to be able to do the same things men have been doing for years. A woman wasn't even allowed to go to work at one point. Now, the CEO of PepsiCo is a woman! However, it will still take more time for women to be able to elicit the same responses and outcomes as men.

Some feminists also need to understand that just because someone doesn't believe in something they do, it doesn't make that person their enemy. Feminism isn't about just believing what you think is right. Just because a feminist believes that a woman can have sexual intercourse with as many partners as she wants doesn't make it right in everyone's eyes. Yes, that woman has been granted sexual freedom but it is wrong of people to assume that everyone should be okay with it. I certainly believe that a woman can have sexual freedom. Free the nipple! Do I necessarily believe that it's right or do I partake in it? No. But this is what feminism should be about. It's about understanding that different people have different opinions but that it's okay. As long as women are focused on progressing and creating change, that's what is important.

In no way am I undermining the effects of feminism or the strength of feminism in this article; I believe that feminism is a unified force that has allowed for a lot of change to take place. More women are making themselves visible in political affairs as are women in the workforce. It's wonderful, really. Feminism is what has empowered me to write this article. I'm writing this in hopes that feminist ideology will change, that it will become more inclusive. Here's to hoping that when a male calls himself a feminist, he isn't made fun of for it.

Here's to hoping that when people declare themselves a feminist, they aren't looked down for it.

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Signs You're An INFJ, The World's Rarest Personality Type

INFJ, from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator instrument, is believed to be the rarest personality type, and to make up less than 2% of the population. Oh, and I am one.
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INFJ, referring to one of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types, has become a bit of a buzzword in the media over the past several years. The reason behind it? INFJ is considered to be the rarest personality type, making up less than 2% of the world's entire population. They are labeled as "The Advocate," and have been described as "mysterious," "intuitive," and "emotionally intelligent," yet the type as a whole is often misunderstood.

Oh, and I am one. Perhaps you are, as well.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test, created in the 1940s by mother and daughter, Isabel Myers and Katharine Briggs, originally stems from the typological theories of Carl Jung, a prominent psychoanalyst. The test assesses an individual in four categories: Extroversion vs. Introversion, Sensing vs. Intuition, Thinking vs. Feeling, and Judging vs. Perceiving, and using these criteria, determines which category one's personality most tilts toward. INFJs would be those individuals whose personalities favor the sides of Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.

INFJs can be difficult to spot due to the fact that they are not prevalent in society and tend to be reserved individuals. However, INFJs make fiercely loyal friends, empathetic and organized workers, and exceptional leaders for causes they deem worthy and for the greater good of humanity.

INFJs often report feeling lonely and "different," and for good reason. INFJs are low in numbers so they tend to have trouble finding others who see the world in the same realm as they do. Most people who are this type have admitted feeling different from their peers since they were a very young child.

INFJs take an all-or-nothing approach to life. INFJs, a curious mix of emotional and logical, do not like to waste their time on anything inauthentic. Although they may dabble with playing the field, INFJs are truly about quality over quantity and will become disinterested in anyone or anything they perceive as being fraudulent, scheming, or wishy-washy.

INFJs exude warmness, and others immediately feel comfortable in their presence. It is not uncommon for a stranger to sit down next to an INFJ and within minutes, disclose their most personal secrets, fears, and dreams. In fact, this happens frequently to INFJs with seemingly no rhyme or reason. This personality type has a knack for making others immediately feel at ease, and they are great listeners and trusted confidants who speak in human terms and meet others where they are.

INFJs are somewhat empathic, and they tend to "just know" things. One of my favorite one-liners from Game of Thrones is by the character, Tyrion Lannister, "I drink and I know things," and this can often be said of an INFJ, with maybe fewer libations. INFJs have a highly-accurate sense of intuition that they have been sharpening for all of their lives. Without understanding exactly why or how, an INFJ will see, within minutes of meeting an individual, their true character. As a result, they tend to be more forgiving of their friends who exhibit unruly behavior because they can identify the true root of the behavior, such as insecurities or past trauma.

INFJs ultimately seek genuine truth and meaning. This personality type does not care one iota about grandiose tales or extravagant gestures if there is not a true and genuine motive behind them. An INFJ's calling in life is to seek insight and understanding, and as they develop, they often can spot a lie or half-truth in a moment's notice. If they believe an individual to be a phony or a manipulator, they will have no trouble writing them off. Likewise, this type often enjoys traveling, adventures and experiences that heighten their understanding of the intricacies of life and promote self-reflection.

INFJs are true introverts, yet people not very close to them believe them to be extroverts. This happens because INFJs can be social chameleons and have an innate ability to blend in in any social setting. The INFJ can be the life of the party for a night or two, showcasing their inviting nature and vivaciousness. However, this is never prolonged because, in introverted fashion, they lose energy from others. Those close to an INFJ know that this type prefers bars over clubs and barbecues over balls, and can give a speech to thousands of people but cringes at the idea of mingling with the crowd afterward. Eventually, this type will need to retreat home for some quiet time to "recharge their batteries," or they will become very on-edge and exhausted.

INFJs have intense, unwavering convictions, sometimes to a fault. An INFJ has certain ideas about the world and a need to foster change in society. These are deep-seated and intense beliefs that they will never abandon. If a career, relationship, or law does not align with their moral compass, an INFJ will have no qualms about ignoring it or leaving it in the dust.

INFJs tend to keep a small circle of friends and prefer to work alone. Although an INFJ may have hundreds of acquaintances, if they call you a "friend," you can be sure that they mean it for life. This type can count their close friends on a set of fingers and they will be loyal and devoted to these prized individuals no matter how much time passes between their interactions. An INFJ can be a great team player but the idea of group projects and collaboration meetings naturally make them sink down in their seat. These are people who enjoy working from home or in a quaint office with a handful of like-minded coworkers.

INFJs cannot stand small talk. This trait aligns with the need to pursue truth and all things bonafide. To an INFJ, small talk not only takes energy but has little purpose as it is merely speaking to fill silence without revealing any deeper layers of the individuals involved. Do not talk to an INFJ about the weather unless you want to see a glazed-over look. Instead, tell them about the causes you are promoting, the wish-list of your soul, or the way you smile every time you smell lavender because it reminds you of your great-grandmother.

INFJs are typically high-achievers and people-pleasers. If you want a task done right the first time, hand it over to an INFJ. They will plan every detail down to the minute and will always deliver a glowing finished product. However, when delivering criticism to this type, do it gently, as they take every word to heart and are always striving for perfection. This type is a unique blend of a dreamer and a doer, but they can easily fall prey to extreme bouts of anxiety or depression centered on feelings of inadequacy or failure.

INFJs are gifted in language and are often creative writers. In accordance with their introverted nature, INFJs prefer to spend time alone and develop enriched inner-lives with many hobbies and skills. This type has trouble conveying their emotions verbally, so they turn to pen and paper. This, combined with their creative nature, leaves no surprise that the majority of successful writers are, in fact, INFJs.

INFJs make decisions based off of emotion and insight. An INFJ judges the world around them and the people in it based off of how they make them feel. This type does not care about track records and performance history, instead, they look for the heart of the matter and how a person or company treats them personally. This type will trust their "gut feeling" about a situation and go with that, which has almost always proven to be accurate.

INFJs like to reflect on deep thoughts about their purpose and the world around them. This type is a thinker. INFJs are old-souls who spend a lot of time in their own minds reflecting on their purpose and the meaning behind everything that happens to them. They are often readers, researchers and intellectuals who truly enjoy learning. Although this is a noble endeavor, it is essential that the INFJ has friends, typically of the extroverted type, who can help them to be less serious and relax every now and then.

INFJs are visionaries who always see the big picture. This type tends to always operate about 10 steps ahead. They are skilled planners and focus their sights on the end goal and what is needed to propel them there. However, while INFJs are off in dreamland about their futures, they can sometimes forget to be present in the world that is happening now. As a result, they do well with other more grounded types who can remind them to live in the moment.

INFJs are "fixers," and they gravitate towards people who need help. This type loves a good fixer-upper and with their ability to see the "good bones" of another person, their true motives and intentions, and to readily provide comfort and compassion, they fall victim to the Broken Wing Theory, or the idea that they can rescue others who have a "broken wing," or who have been dealt a poor hand. This can be rewarding for the hopeful INFJ but also frustrating and depleting when boundaries are overstepped.

INFJs seek lifelong, true-blue relationships. This type usually finds themselves with intuitive extroverts, such as the ENTPs, ENFPs, and ENFJs. These types connect with the INFJ on the deeper plane of intuition, yet also will get the INFJ out of their own heads and out on the town on a Saturday night.

Think you might be an INFJ? Find out which type you are here: https://www.mbtionline.com/.

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It's Time To Start Standing Up For Yourself

A lot of people let others walk all over them but it's time to start standing up for how you feel.

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Whenever you've got into a confrontation or fight or anything that even resembles an argument, someone always says be the bigger person. What does that really mean? To some people, it means completely ignoring the whole situation and everyone's emotions and that isn't fair. Or maybe to some people it means letting them scream at you and you apologizing and just taking the blame.

Being the bigger person shouldn't mean these things. It should mean making sure no one is treating you poorly or taking advantage of you. Now maybe don't take it so far to become mean or a bully because that's just awful behavior.

Standing up for yourself is so empowering. If someone close to you is hurting you or taking advantage or anything you don't like, just a simple conversation can keep it from escalating. If you have a friend calling you names, even if it is just a joke, you can say something and not be a buzzkill or jerk. You 100% should feel comfortable and confident no matter who you're with.

So many times in my life I've wanted to save a friendship or relationship so I just ignored or took what other people were doing to me. This even happened and it led to an abusive relationship where I felt stuck and didn't see an out. It was an extremely eye-opening experience that taught me to never let any hurt me.

To say this is easier than doing it. Start small, if someone says something hurtful towards you just ask them not to do it again. If that person continues to hurt you leave the room or space. You need to take control of your own life and write your own story.

Life is a lot better when you live it free of worries and pain.

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