Trusting Jesus in every aspect of life is hard.

Sometimes He'll do something that isn't easy to fathom, which can make trusting Him feel wrong.

To be completely real and vulnerable with you, I'm extremely stubborn so when the Lord does something that doesn't seem necessary or explainable, naturally...

I run.

Not just a small jog, but a full out sprint in the opposite direction of Jesus. I've been following Him for almost nine years now and even still, I struggle with turning my back on Him when I feel like He is wrong.

Now how in the world does that make sense? It's beyond me. I know in my heart that He is the all-knowing, loving, perfect, good, good Father that He's proven to be time and time again, yet I still can't trust Him. It clearly says "Lean not on your own understanding.", yet here I am leaning as much as I possibly can anytime I feel inclined to.

To let you you in to a small glimpse of my walk with the Lord, I struggled with severe anxiety all throughout high school. It was rough and I questioned Jesus through a lot of it, but I always told myself He would never betray me, leave me, or dismay me. Despite the difficulty, I fortunately maintained a pretty close relationship with Jesus through it all.

The Lord healed my anxiety in 2015 and I finally began to experience life again without the everyday worry and struggle and I had never felt so confident in the Lord.

The healer of the blind and sick actually healed me too! I knew that he could do it, but seeing it in my own life was something unbelievable.

The mustard seed faith that I had in high school became so much greater when I saw God's work in my life and felt the joy of seeing Him preform a miracle right before my eyes.

Flash forward to now, and it's my junior year of college.This semester might be one of the easier semesters I'll have, I'm happier than ever, life is seemingly great, but my anxiety has never been so terrible.

I've prayed over and over, asking God, "What the heck is going on? I thought you healed this? What did I do wrong?" The amount of questions I've thrown at Him are endless.

Why is it that I was able to experience freedom for two whole years only to be bound back into the same chains of constant worry?

I'm not writing this post to justify why I have anxiety worse than it's been before, nor am I writing this to say that God isn't a good God, but rather to bring some perspective to this walk with Jesus that we're all on.

I still don't know why God's allowing me to feel this overwhelming anxiety, but I've began to push past my natural stubbornness and hold strong to the tiniest bit of faith that The Lord will bring goodness somehow.

I'm struggling to catch my breath daily due to a worry that is so difficult to comprehend, but..

I'm trusting.

I could run sprints away from the Lord all day long, but all I end up feeling is emptiness. With Jesus I'm strong, hardworking, joyful and fearless, but without him I'm powerless, lazy, and full of sadness and worry. Even in the midst of a panic attack I can cling to His promises and push through this terrible feeling in my heart, but without Him I'm bound to a hopeless saddening pit of worry.

Even the tiniest amount of faith can move mountains and in time He will always bring goodness when we simply trust in Him.

I'm sure you all have something that makes you question His motives or even makes you question your entire walk with Him, but this whole article is here to simply encourage you to...

Keep trusting.

Feeling this terrifying anxiety has made life so much more difficult. It made me ignore the Lord, but all that did was leave me hurt worse than before.

We're all on this daily journey with Jesus just trying to find a little bit of hope and strength in this messy, hurtful, disgusting, evil world we live in. There's so many illnesses, so many tragedies, so many unexplainably awful things occurring, but the only thing that can suffice in the midst of it all is the love of Jesus Christ and the hope that He will bring justice and goodness in His time.

Life is not easy and trusting in The Lord when it doesn't fully make sense doesn't make it any easier. One thing that I do know for certain is that I've seen His miracles before and I will see them again. He hurts when we hurt and whatever it is that you're feeling, He feels it too and He's going to bring goodness if you just...

Keep trusting.