As soon as senior year of high school rolled around, I was counting down the days until I could call myself a "college student." I had this picture in my head of what college would be like based on other peoples' experiences as well as the cliché ways in which movies and TV shows depicted it. However, as soon as I moved into my dorm, reality hit me. College wasn't at all what I thought it would be like; it wasn't full of people eagerly trying to be my friend, easy classes, or events that centered around school spirit. Instead, I was bombarded with homework every night, the constant pressure to make tons of friends, and guilt that I didn't like going out as much as everyone around me.

I constantly compared myself to everyone around me and wondered why I wasn't having the same positive experiences as them. I felt like I had to be doing something wrong because, from my perspective, everyone was having the time of their lives. As soon as December rolled around, I finally admitted to myself that the expectations I had for college weren't going to be met. I started to accept the fact that my personality didn't mesh well with what my environment was offering.

While my friends may love it here, it doesn't mean I have to too; the pressures I put on myself did more of a disservice than anything else, for I became my harshest critic. After admitting my disappointment and frustration with college to some of my closest friends, I was shocked to learn that they shared some of the same feelings; even though they seemed like they were having the best time of their lives, they too felt out of place at times. This realization truly opened my eyes and made me feel less alone; I started to recognize that the amount of pressure I put on college made me only focus on the negatives; I was so wrapped up in my disappointment that I allowed myself to shut down.

With only a couple weeks left of freshmen year, I can proudly admit that college wasn't what I expected. I learned two, very important lessons from my first year that I think is important for everyone to know. First, college isn't how it's portrayed in the media and secondly, people sometimes put on a show to make it seem like they're happier than they actually are. It's okay to be let down when things don't turn out the way you planned, but it's an important lesson to learn. I'm grateful I was able to admit to myself that my expectations weren't real and that it's okay to feel disappointed.