Hello there, I am 22 years old and I have no flipping idea on what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I remember adolescent me, the version of myself who wanted to simply be a painter, or an astronaut because I wanted to walk on the moon. Unfortunately, I had a little growing up to do and well the real world kicked in. Kicked in and kicked my behind with the notion that perhaps my dreams a little too far-fetched. After years of studying things that I had interest in but no passion for (chemistry, computer science, information technology, philosophy but hey who’s counting) I finally settled on my creative writing, English major. Yes, this is still quite far-fetched, but I am at the point in my life where I’ve realized: it is my life and I am going to do what I want.

Now, getting back to my original crisis. I have no idea what I want to do when I grow up! I am serious, the rest of my life is a long time (and I just don’t know what I want to do with it. All I do know is that I don’t want to wake up ten years from now hating the life I made for myself.

Now, if that doesn’t scream commitment issues I don’t know what else would. Suppose it is the wide spectrum of movies I’ve watched where the main character is having an existential crisis and I cannot help but fear that that will also be my future. So, when people ask me what I want to do with my major I simply tell them what I’ve been saying this entire time, “I have no idea!”

Suppose, I could get off my behind and figure it out. Suppose I could, but I don’t. Why? Because the little girl in me, still believes that my career and my dreams are one and the same. But the realist in me thinks otherwise. I am consistently at war with myself.

Instead of figuring out what I want to do, I kind of just knock out the jobs I don’t see myself doing for the rest of my life. I know I don’t want to be a waitress and I know I don’t want to pour your coffee (I am going to tackle bartending on the next stage of my life so stay tuned).

From right now until graduation, I have a little under five months to figure things out. The thing is, I’ve been a student for pretty much my entire life. I don’t know how to be anything else. Do I see myself figuring it out by graduation? Probably not.

I suppose I am at that age where this notion is acceptable but as someone who likes to plan ahead, this is unacceptable. Who knows, hopefully, I am not alone in this existential crisis that I have myself. Nonetheless, what I can tell you is that I am most likely am going to take a year off (unless the goddesses above strike me with absolute certainty) and just figure out what I want to do with my life. I can assure you that what I will end up doing will make me happy in the best way.