I Took A Vow 8 Years Ago

Tana Denney
Mon, 14 Nov 2016 22:15:09 +0000

It was a day that I was scared. It was a day that I waited months on. It was the day I had waited my entire life for. I prayed he'd come out healthy. I prayed that he'd come out screaming loudly so the entire hospital floor could hear my precious miracle that I was bringing into the world; that he was here! He was here, at last, in my arms. Safely, he sat on my chest and, instead, he came out quietly and calmly. It was a day that my entire world changed forever.

Now, let's go back 9 months. When I found out I was pregnant, I was young and I wasn't married. Did I feel guilty as if I failed God? Maybe. I also thought, "well...God has every detail of my life already planned out," so I didn't question Him. I didn't have a clue how I was going to do this. I just knew that God made this little boy who I was growing in my belly and that he was going to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I knew God had entrusted me with something that not every woman gets to experience. It was a bigger blessing than a scare, by all means.

Now, fast forward a few months now. As days passed, time passed even quicker. I didn't know how fast time really slipped through the cracks until now. He learned to hold his head up, sit up, crawl and walk. The sound of baby spoon planes "taking off" - I still remember like it was yesterday. I remember those squash bubbles getting spit at me as he glanced at me and laughed. He got his full tummy, his highchair playtime and more memories that got engraved into his baby book indented by my pen. The day he uttered "ma-ma" was a day it all sunk in. I now had another title to my name. That precious sound was the most valuable. The day those little feet ran miles around the house, I didn't know if I was going to be able to keep up, but he gave me the reason to keep pushing forward every day.

Now, fast forward to a few years. He learned his ABC's, 123's and added more words to his vocabulary. He started pre-k, next was kindergarten, then life was just not sitting still. Didn't I just have this baby boy wrapped up in that hospital blanket? Time. Yes, it kept going. From the day I gave birth to him, I didn't realize how much I just wanted to stop time. I wanted that little chunky baby to be on my hip forever, looking up to me for his every need. He was bringing home artwork that his little hands crafted in school, and those little, dotted lines where he was tracing his name became clearly seen; he knew how to write his name then. Within a blink of an eye, he was growing up and growing his wings.

Here he is in the third grade now. I look back at pictures, and I cry and I cry. Not because I am sad, but because I am happy and proud. I am so proud that God showed me this route in life. I am proud that I became a mommy at a young age. Wow! You ask why? Why am I proud that I had him young? Simple; it has given us more time together. More time that I've had the opportunity to embrace his love, his laughter and seeing him succeed in life. He has made me so proud that tears just stream down my face when I think about it. He has made me laugh until my belly hurts with his funny jokes. Jokes, that maybe the outsiders wouldn't think would be funny, but they are to me because his character is just one that nobody else has. He is one in a million, and I get to raise him! I do. This precious little man is mine.

As mothers, it's our job to love and protect our babies. As mothers, it's our job to raise God-fearing men and women; adults that we will one day look back on at all the struggles, messes, spit-up clothes, long nights of homework, dirty laundry, dirt stained jeans, finger-printed glass doors and realize they were worth every fight and tear! We will look back and realize that we made it through all the hard years just so that we can conduct them in the right paths. We learn from our mistakes that we, as parents, have made to show them better. We walk them down the roads of success, smiles and even bigger accomplishments as their lives unfold. We support them in all and everything.

In all this, I have learned a lot. I have learned that simple things are the biggest things in life. The silliest things are the most memorable. The struggles are all worth fighting for. Every. Single. One. These long, long, days of being tired, worn out - they are worth it all. I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't change the time frame that I became pregnant. I wouldn't change anything because this is how God wanted it to be. He planned all those crazy nights, struggles in keeping dishes down and bottles filled with milk, cookies on the floor and the wallet always empty because of the expense of diapers. He planned that little boy, who I call my first born, my life saver. He saved my life. God gave him to me at the right time in life when I needed him most. I didn't know, but He did!

Those hugs, those kisses, that "I love you Mommy!" phrase that comes out his mouth daily, it all fills my heart. As a mother, it's just a bond we cannot explain to anyone, but it's the absolute best feeling in the world. Seeing his eyes light up at his birthday parties as he blows out his candles that become a higher number each year, it's a sight I embrace and record in my mind. Memories that won't ever fade. I will pray that he will have the best day, every year. The greed in me wants him little forever, but I know it can't be that way. He will learn more and grow taller. His voice will become deeper and his clothes will become more expensive each year because those sizes keep getting bigger. He will no longer want a bunk bed, he will want a room in college. He will no longer want all my sugar all over his cheeks, but a simple kiss. "Mommy" will fade away and it will become "Mom." Those big bear hugs that I just want to pause and hold him tighter will soon become hugs in passing as he's tossing me aside and making room for his friends and girlfriends, and then there I am preparing myself to dance with him on his wedding day.

I just ask for whoever is reading this to please hold tight; it won't be like this for long. I pray daily that God allows me to be the best mother that I can be for him, his sister and now his brother. I pray that one day they will understand I went through the struggles of learning this tough stuff called "motherhood" because I love every ounce of them, inside and out. They are mine.

God gave me the biggest blessing that I'd ever realize 8 years ago.

After all, I took a vow 8 years ago to be the best mother that I ever could be to the little man that sat silently on my chest as I had just kissed his fresh newborn forehead and cried with happiness to have him in my arms. My life had just started...

Thank you, God.

I never knew life before that day until I took my very first vow.

- T