The words on my screen were daunting, but exciting.

Me?

I’d never really been put in this kind of position before.

Why me? And for a trivial topic like mine? “Digital Music Sampling?” I’m the only person I know that’s really passionate about it, but if they’re letting me do it, I guess I’ve gotta do it.

When I got the email that I was accepted to give a TEDx talk at the first TEDx event at Oxford College, I was blown away. I submitted my idea on a whim. I never expected I’d be given the platform and the stage to actually speak, but now with the opportunity, I was happy to speak.

Well, kind of. I’m a pretty terrible public speaker. I’m super nervous about class presentations, or even telling a joke to more than four people. I’m introverted as hell. I don’t know why I got myself into this. This was crazy, no way I could pull myself together to present to an audience. What if they weren’t interested? What if I just ended up boring them? What if I stumbled and became a laughingstock? No, I had to pull out. I can’t do this.

But in times like these, my mind goes back to my parents, who always told me not to shy away from opportunities. They proudly sport the “don’t knock it ‘till you try it” mindset. Why should I turn away this opportunity when I still had a chance of doing well? It’d be hard work, but the payoff would be…well, more than just the opportunity.

It’d be a growing experience.

I’ve never really had this kind of public forum to speak to.

And it’s not like I was floundering with no idea of what I was talking about. This was digital sampling. This was a topic that I’m intimately familiar with. I wrote a 12-page paper on the legal implications of sampling in copyrights during my junior year. I could talk for hours and hours. I guess I didn’t have to immediately shut myself off from this chance, this great chance.

So I went for it. I drafted my talk, and really, that process was fun. At first, I was worried about if I’d have enough to talk about. But seven single-spaced pages later, I found myself with a surplus of material. My vision was coming together, and I couldn’t have been more excited to share it.

And then I got to practice my delivery. That’s where I realized that I’m a better writer than a speaker. I’m good at discussions, I guess, and I do pretty well on essays, but when it comes to speaking to a script or giving a prepared talk, for some reason, it doesn’t carry over. I don’t have the power of quick revision and disorganization. I have to work sequentially and make sure I remember the order. Memorization doesn’t really work with my thought process. I really had to go out of my way to remember my thoughts.

I ended up practicing my entire talk (which was about 20 minutes) every day for about two weeks straight, and I found that when you’re saying the same words a lot, you grow to really hate those words. And boy, did I start hating my talk. I started tearing it down. There’s no way anyone would actually enjoy this. I couldn’t expect anybody to enjoy this if I was having such a tough time with my material.

I “memorized” the talk, or in other words, I figured out my talking points and worked out the major kinks so I knew what I was to go over in my allotted time. But it was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done, and not to say that it’s an exceptional effort to do a TEDx talk.

It’s significant, but people have deftly performed harder and more challenging tasks.

It wasn't really the material or memorizing the talk that got to me. It was that I had to give it in front of people. In public. These were ideas that had been percolating in my head, and only exclusively there, and maybe a little to some of my family members who I've discussed this with repeatedly (much to their irritation). But I never have talked about this with others, let alone many others all at once.

It was putting myself all on the line (not really, but that's how I felt), and what if they didn't accept what I was giving them? I’m just the kind of person that’s intimidated by an audience. Which I really shouldn’t have been, because there were great TEDx organizers helping me all throughout the process, and the audience was full of my peers. What did I have to lose?

The event ended up great and welcoming and really made me feel at ease. I never really had a reason to fear with the kind of support I had. And that’s what I wish I knew. Stress can be good as a motivator, but I really worried about my ability. Stress shouldn’t have to get in the way like that.

I really worked myself up too much because of my insecurity about my public speaking when all in all, I had nothing to fear.

And that’s because I really knew and loved my topic, and loved talking about it.

When it comes to public speaking, everyone starts at different places, but as long as you have passion for your topic and a real drive, you can speak to an audience of any size. So don’t shy away from those kinds of opportunities, because they can really be growing experiences.