Being very transparent, the past few months I have struggled with being secure with myself and who I am. Like every girl, I stand in front of a mirror and critique my body, my face or my hair and think of things I would change or make better. I would reminiscence and dwell on parts of my past I could not change. I became so insecure that I feared people and their opinion of me in everything I did. I would scroll through Instagram, Facebook or Pinterest and I would immediately start comparing myself to those around me. "I wish I had her... " I looked at myself and felt unsatisfied, ashamed and insufficient. I began to get jealous, fear rejection, take critiques personally, struggle with sharing my feelings and saying yes to too many obligations to prove my worth.
This past Sunday, the message preached was so spot on, tears filled my eyes as the words rang in my ears. I was guilty. I was guilty of allowing other people including myself to be somewhat of an "idol" in my life. I compromised my values and beliefs to accommodate an inviting opinion from other people. I stopped listening to what God was saying about me, and averted my eyes to what the world may say. God says for where there is jealousy and selfish ambition there is disorder. God has already called me beloved and to die for Him is gain so let the world reject me, I am desired by the one who hung the stars. He says a soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh one stirs up anger, and in the midst of a crowd of ten thousand no matter how small I feel He doesn't miss a single thing. While helping others in every way is Christ like, He wishes to still have time to show Himself and restore my soul by His quite water. My worth was defined when He sent His only son to die for an unworthy sinner, and He thinks I am worth far more than rubies.
I have always enjoyed writing, and being that public speaking isn't my strong suit, this was an outlet to be able to express my thoughts. When applying for the writing position for Odyssey I became extremely nervous on the weekly feedback I would receive. I didn't fear Him, I feared them. Meaning, instead of being confident in this new outlet of ministry I prayed for, I began to fear what people would say, think or not think of my writings.
It is a scary thing, sometimes, to be different and expose the very depths of my thoughts, but I refuse to conform or be quite. I found that the best way to get over your fear of people is to fear God. Once you put Him in the respectable position He deserves to be in, you become so focused on your identity in Him that security is a direct by product. When searching for the approval of others you will always be left to feel empty, and your mind will become consumed with self adorning thoughts of increasing yourself instead of His kingdom. When allowing others opinions and perceptions of you to weave into your mind, you allow your heart to stray from Christ and to the desires of this world which is social acceptance.
We live in a cruel world, and each of us bring a different and unique piece of light it. When we completely avoid the validation of others, we trust, honor and fear the ultimate validator.