I'm Not The Favorite Child And I Know It

I'm Not The Favorite Child And I Know It

I may not have been my mom's favorite child but it's okay because I know that I am loved, no matter what.
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Growing up, I never felt less loved than my brother but I knew he was my mom's favorite. It was never said but it was just a feeling I had. We were treated differently and my mom would give excuses saying that it was because "I was a girl" that I couldn't do the things my brother did. I would get in trouble for doing the same EXACT thing as my brother but I would get punished, where he wouldn't even get punished at all.

The thing is, they were close. There was a bond they had that my mom and I didn't have. There was this tangible connection they had. She had my brother first for three years and then I came along. A complete accident. I was never supposed to happen and sometimes, I felt that. I knew that I was not a planned child. My mom was happy with one son, whom she loved more than life itself. He caused her to want better for herself, not me. He was the golden ticket and I was an "Oh, shit."

I was dubbed the bad child because when I was young I made up stories. My imagination got me into trouble and though most of the time my stories weren't true, sometimes they were and I got accused of lying. The girl who cried wolf and I was the girl who cried wolf. Despite doing everything in my power from age 12 and higher to remove that image of myself, I failed. Even now as a grown adult, who believes in telling the truth (even if it hurts someone), gets blamed for childhood mistakes that my brother does not get blamed for. It's a double standard because "boys will be boys right?"

But girls who are mischievous and intelligent, oh boy, do they get a bad rep. It's healthy for boys but wrong for girls and I hate that hypocrisy. Fun fact about me: I never used drugs, I don't drink (even though I'm of age), and I never committed a crime but I'm the bad child. My brother, whom I love and respect, has done some "bad" things. But that was just what boys did and even though I didn't do what he did, I got blamed for innocent childhood mistakes that all kids make, where he did not.

It hurts knowing that you aren't number one but I know my mom loved me. I just wasn't my brother. I don't resent my brother, though some would think I do. If anything, I am happy that he was showed love and affection in more profound ways than me. No one ever said that my mom's favorite was my brother but it was just something I could see. It was not blatant but I was more observant than anyone thought. I saw the difference. I felt the difference.

My brother's needs were always more important than mine but that's because he was older. "He was first so he came first," is what she said. I knew better though. My brother was perfect in my mother's eyes and if he did something wrong then he was just "being a boy." If I was caught doing something wrong, I was terrible and had ulterior motives, instead of just innocent childhood mischief. I was a bad child who only wanted the worst things to happen. My mom said I was untrustworthy and a liar. The rumors spread though my family and soon I was the delinquent. The dumbest thing was when I was being accused I would just cop to doing whatever I was being blamed for instead of being yelled at. I would say anything to get my mom to stop accusing me. The truth is, I only did about a quarter of the things I was accused of. Did I cut the cats whiskers when I was like 6? Yeah, but I was just a child and it gets thrown up to me all the time, even to this day. Did I give the dog blue juice? Sure, but it wasn't out of malice, instead it was me (as a child) trying to give the dog variety. I didn't know it was bad for him, I just thought it must suck to only ever drink water.

I am a favorite to someone though. I am my Nan's favorite. It may be wrong but I just know I hold a special place in her heart. She helped me, trusted me and loved me, when no one else would. Even when my mom had skewed my brother's opinion about me, casting the shadow of a liar onto me that I still haven't escaped. Nan was the only one who truly listened to me and knew the truth. All I wanted was someone to hear me and the things I had to say. Nan did, she listened to my mundane stories about school and my boring life. She listened to me complain about my mom casting me as a terrible person and how badly I really was being bullied at school. She knew I wasn't a liar. She cared about my words. I always knew my Nan cared, without a doubt. So while I wasn't my mom's favorite, I am my Nan's and honestly, that works so much better for me because Nan is my favorite person too. I love her more than anyone can understand. I may not have been my mom's favorite child but it's okay because I know that I am loved, no matter what.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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18 Things That Happen When You Get A Good Roommate

Not every roommate story is a bad one.
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Whenever you hear about roommate stories, they're almost never good, and they usually scare you into never wanting a roommate. "Did you hear her roommate steals her clothes?" "Her roommate doesn't shower!" "Wow, her roommate doesn't talk at all, and doesn't do laundry." From what I hear, there are more bad stories than good. That is why I consider myself lucky, because my roommate is nothing like one of those bad stories. When life hands you a good roommate after talking to about 40 girls through Facebook, a few things happen.

1. You always have someone to talk to.

2. You know each other's schedules, and whenever you both have a break is an exciting time.

3. You'll never have to dance alone.


4. You always have someone to do something with, even if it's just walking down the hall.

5. You both look out for each other, because this is your first time without your parents.

6. You always have a shoulder to lean on when things get tough.

7. Borrowing each other's things is a daily thing.

8. You TRY to help with each other's homework and assignments.

9. They're encouraging when it comes to boys. (Unless they're a f*ckboy.)

10. They're your biggest support system and your personal cheerleader.

11. They never forget to wish you luck on a big exam.

12. They accept how gross you are in the morning and not so pleasant sometimes.

13. You both know each other's favorite and least favorite things.

14. Leaving each other notes saying goodbye before class if you don't see them is normal.

15. Saying goodbye for breaks is upsetting.

16. Not seeing them all day is upsetting.

17. You have more pictures together than any of your other friends.

18. You found a best friend for life.

Cover Image Credit: Jordan Griffin

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How Growing Up In Two Different Households Changes You

Two Christmases, two Thanksgivings, two birthdays.

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You never think it will be tour family that gets split up. You never think you will have to choose between your parents. All the arguing and fighting. The constantly meeting up with your parents "friends" when it's actually their lawyers. Always worrying about if you are with mom, dad is gonna be jealous or if you're with dad, mom is gonna be jealous. Basically living out of a suitcase most of the time and never being in one house for too long.

1. Switching between parents for each holiday.

If I was with my dad for Christmas, then I was with my mom for Thanksgiving and for New Years, or vice versa. There was always two of each holiday. Not ever being able to just be with everyone you care about, its either dad's side or mom's side. When all you want is to be able to be with both of them.

2. The step parents.

Ohh, there are horror stories about the step-parents, shipping you away, or treating you as slaves. When they try to act as if your dad or mom is no longer present, it turns into an all-out war. They don't respect any of your personal boundaries, and are always criticizing the way you were raised, or always having a double standard when it comes to their own kids and you. While not everyone has had a bad experience with step parents. This is my experience.

3. Living with either your mom or dad, your other parent misses out on a lot.

There is a lot of things that parents miss out on because they don't live close by, like award ceremonies, birthdays, sporting events. Things you wish they could be there for, to be able to share in the everyday things that shape you. To be able to have both people there who love you unconditionally and want nothing but greatness for you.

4. The constant competition between the parents to be the favorite

There is never a time where they aren't trying to compete with each other, or hoping that you will pick them over the other one. You feel like you are being pulled a hundred different directions, and you don't know which way to go. You love both of them so much but it is so difficult to have to pick between them.

5. They are struggling as much as you are.

They lost a family as much as you did, so you gotta try and cut them some slack. Even though you are sad and brokenhearted, they are more sad and brokenhearted. They just lost a husband or a wife, they promised to love each other forever and it didn't end up working out. They need time to heal just like you do. They are doing the best they can.

6. Either having to fly or drive to see your other parent, sucks.

You just wish they were so much closer so you can see them more often but they aren't. There is nothing you can do but be in the car for 4 or 5 hours because there is no other way of getting there. It is just so much harder when they are far away and you just feel like going to see them. You have to deal with the fact you aren't always gonna be able to see them.

7. Hoping you don't forget anything at their house because you won't be able to get it till you go back.

if you leave your favorite pair of shoes or a pair of shorts, you probably won't get it back for a couple weeks, or if you forget your retainer, they are gonna have to be shipped to you. Constantly making sure you don't forget to take something there or bring it back.

8. Missing how your life used to be.

Always wishing that you could have your old house back or wanting to be able to celebrate holidays how you use to be able to. Now its always separate, everything is no matter what. They may get together for like big important things but there will never be a family Christmas. It's just sad, so very sad.

9. Hoping that when you are older and have your own family that this won't happen to you.

Because your parents got divorced. sometimes you think well will get divorced from my spouse when I am older? All you want is to be able to love your spouse and always be able to make it work no matter what. and have a loving family, and not have to rip apart your kids' lives. Be happy with one another always, its a thought and sometimes its a worry.

10. Still knowing that you have a mom and dad that love you, they just aren't together anymore.

They will always be there for you no matter what, them getting divorced doesn't mean that they love you any less. It is always gonna be ok because they are always gonna be there for you, just maybe not at the same time but its unconditional love no matter how far apart you are from each other.

It gets easier as time goes by and eventually you will grow up and everything will be less complicated because you will have your own life. And they will always be there for you no matter what.

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