Once a year we dedicate a day to all the fathers in the world to show appreciation and gratitude for all they do. Well, I do not partake in Father's Day. My father is not someone who deserves appreciation or gratitude. The most memorable thing he has done for me was when he dedicated his sperm. I know this may sound harsh (and it is). But it is my reality. Most of my friends have good fathers who deserve to be celebrated.
Every year when Father's Day is approaching I feel a small ache in my heart. I wish I had a father that I could appreciate and show gratitude too. Growing up there was a huge void in my life and as I have gotten older I have learned to fill that void with other close relationships. But every year around Father's Day I begin to feel that void again. While I have come to accept the fact that my father was never the man he should have been it doesn't stop me from wishing that he had stepped up to the plate.
For a long time, I was hard on myself for wishing that my father would step up to the plate. But then I realized that it's understandable to wish that your parent had been there to support, love, and provide for you. There are many different definitions of what a good parent looks like. But I know that my father does not fit any of those varying definitions. And while it still makes me sad and while I spend Father's Day serving people who are celebrating their dads I know that I turned out great. I had a community of people that helped raise me to be the strong, independent, hard-working women that I am.
When I was younger I truly believed that I needed my father in my life to be "complete." But as more and more father's days have passed and I have had time to reflect. I have realized two things. One, no one's life is ever complete rather it is constantly evolving. And two I don't need someone in my life who has abandoned, hurt, and betrayed me and my family. He served his purpose 22 years ago and for that, I am thankful for.