A Fast Food Love Story

A Fast Food Love Story

Valentine's Day has never been so GREASY
771
views

So in my head, as a child, I always kind of just ASSUMED that Dairy Queen and Burger King were dating. Blame it on my exposure to disastrous heteronormativity when I was younger, or call it a way for my then less developed brain to rationalize why these two establishments existed, EITHER WAY, the facts don’t change. They were dating.

One was dairy, delicious desserts and such, and the other was burgers, the main entree. Made enough sense at the time. However, what did not make any sense was assuming that Burger King would ever be the actual KING of all the other fast food joints that existed. I had plenty of other favorites and definitely personally believed their food was not hitting the mark.

Thus (ayyee where my language ppl), I began to search for answers. What did it all mean? The vast imaginary playground that was fast food hierarchy. I had to know, so I created my own reality.

I decided that Dairy Queen and Burger King were a thing ONCE UPON A TIME, but for sure broke up because Burger King basically became a deadbeat dad to their child: McDonald's. And as we all know, McDonald's is the most widespread fast food chain in the world other than Subway, but I think we can agree McDonald's is perceived as more ubiquitous.

This story made sense to me because kids who experience extreme absence in their life, such as McDonald's, can actually be motivated to achieve more because of this. Whether it be by circumstance or a natural ability to persevere, McDonald's pushed through the absence of Burger King and even surpassed it in relevance and quality (the fries especially).

However, Dairy Queen was still young and didn’t want to live the rest of her franchise alone. Luckily, once Dairy Queen had a location in Columbus, Ohio... she met Wendy(s). So, despite much pushback from her conservative grandfather, Colonel Sanders (KFC), Dairy Queen and Wendy’s started a franchise-long relationship together.

They even adopted a child, Taco Bell.

Because I was a child I really didn’t get past the McDonald’s portion of the story when I was 10 before I moved on to think about some other random garbage, but I like this version better.

Maybe you have a conspiracy theory as well? Who knows, just don’t go out on a date to any of these places this Valentine’s Day. Unless you’re alone, then definitely go to all of them and purchase each’s respective best menu item and have yourself a buffet.

You deserve it.

Cover Image Credit: Sketchport

Popular Right Now

22 New Things That I Want To Try Now That I'm 22

A bucket list for my 22nd year.

23200
views

"I don't know about you but I'm feelin' 22", I have waited 6 long years to sing that and actually be 22! Now 22 doesn't seem like a big deal to people because you can't do anything that you couldn't do before and you're still super young. But I'm determined to make my 22nd year a year filled with new adventures and new experiences. So here's to 22.

Cover Image Credit:

Author's illustration

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating
Facebook Comments