Dear Anxiety,
I just say or think of the word and I can already feel a lump in my throat and my chest tighten. I can already feel an attack coming for no reason at all besides the fact that I'm thinking about you. You've been playing mind games with me for the past ten years now and I am more than done with you. I want you gone... forever.
Because of that, I am trying harder than ever to beat you. And eventually, I will. Some days are worse than others and I try to ignore you the best I can, but somehow you always manage to squeeze yourself back in and ruin a good day. I've lost sleep over you, spent countless hours crying because of you and made myself sick because of you.
But just know that I'm done.
Every day I do the best I can to wake up with a smile and enjoy each day's beauty. Every day I tell myself that I will have a great day and that I have a great life that I am meant to live. Every day it gets a little easier. Yes, I know that I'll never be perfect, but I'm okay with that. I just don't want you around anymore. And eventually, you won't be.
I'm done crying.
I'm done losing out on sleep.
I am done hating myself because of you.
And above all, I'm done with you.
I still have no idea why you ever appeared in my life and I probably never will if we're being honest. But I do know that because of you I am stronger and I now know that I can make it through anything that gets in my way. So I guess a thank you is an order too, because without you haunting me for the past decade, I would've never became the woman I am today. So thank you, but you've overstayed your welcome.
Even though sometimes you make me feel weak and brittle, I know eventually the darkness will fade and I will prevail. It may have taken me ten years to realize all of this, but now that I have, I'm done giving you the upper hand. I will never stop fighting. The end is near. I know it.
So though I know I'm not done fighting you just yet, I guess this is goodbye.
And yes it's a goodbye, not a see you later.
Goodbye anxiety, you've overstayed your welcome.
I'm all done.