Falling In And Out Of A Friendship In College

Falling In And Out Of A Friendship In College

It comes and goes.
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Friend love is a true love. I for one fall into friend love wayyy too quickly. Unlike romantic love, it’s all mental. You choose who you want your makeshift family to be. But, similar to romantic love, the breakups hurt just as badly.

As I sat at dinner with my best friend, Zoe, earlier this month, we were talking about the struggle of friendship in college — everyone has classes, jobs, boyfriends, other friends, and everything in between. It is so hard to find the hours in the day to have quality time with friends.

Commenting on the fact that we can’t help but feel lonely, we were unable to pinpoint the direct cause of this loneliness; it’s somewhat indescribable. Indescribable in the way that we aren’t lonely as the definition stands; we have tons of friends, we live in a sorority house filled with fifty other girls.

So why do we feel lonely?

My answer to this question is that we’re lonely for something real, a real connection with another person. Our freshman year, we were overwhelmed with new friends. As she goes to USC and I go to UCLA, we were thrust into environments with thousands of people we had never laid eyes on, experiences we never had, and so many new things to do, we lacked the time to contemplate the depth and significance of each of our new friendships.

Now that we’ve both settled into our lives and have started to find our place at our respective schools, we have more time to recognize where some of our friendships fall short. “Fall short” in the sense they aren’t as real as we once thought. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s just a different scenario, an adjustment of sorts.

It’s like a cleansing, a recognition of who truly is there for you on a deeper level and who is there simply for the fun of it, neither is better than the other, but one is more reliable.

Thus, we’ve experienced falling out of friend love — it sucks. Seeing a person you once shared everything with not want anything to do with you is heart-wrenching. As hard as it is, it’s important to keep in mind that if someone doesn’t want you in their life, it’s their loss and it is not worth your precious time to stick around.

My therapist always told me “If you can hold up one finger on one hand and say, ‘I have one true friend,’ you’re luckier than most.” It seems simple: one true friend.

In hindsight, it’s so much more challenging to find someone who is a true friend–someone who will stand by you through everything and will always pick you up when you’re down. From a personal standpoint, it takes a lot to be a true friend, you feel partially responsible for that person, but it is the most rewarding experience of all.

When you feel yourself losing the friendship of one, it becomes challenging to recognize the true friendship of another. Never lose sight of those who genuinely do want the best for you.

Next time you’re falling out of friend love or you feel lonely, remember this: friends come and go, but all you really need is one true friend to make everything worthwhile.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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To The Dad Who Didn't Want Me, It's Mutual Now

Thank you for leaving me because I am happy.
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Thank you, for leaving me.

Thank you, for leaving me when I was little.

Thank you, for not putting me through the pain of watching you leave.

Thank you, for leaving me with the best mother a daughter could ask for.

I no longer resent you. I no longer feel anger towards you. I wondered for so long who I was. I thought that because I didn't know half of my blood that I was somehow missing something. I thought that who you were defined me. I was wrong. I am my own person. I am strong and capable and you have nothing to do with that. So thank you for leaving me.

In my most vulnerable of times, I struggled with the fact that you didn't want me. You could have watched me grow into the person that I have become, but you didn't. You had a choice to be in my life. I thought that the fact that my own father didn't want me spoke to my own worth. I was wrong. I am so worthy. I am deserving, and you have nothing to do with that. So thank you for leaving me.

You have missed so much. From my first dance to my first day of college, and you'll continue to miss everything. You won't see me graduate, you won't walk me down the aisle, and you won't get to see me follow my dreams. You'll never get that back, but I don't care anymore. What I have been through, and the struggles that I have faced have brought me to where I am today, and I can't complain. I go to a beautiful school, I have the best of friends, I have an amazing family, and that's all I really need.

Whoever you are, I hope you read this. I hope you understand that you have missed out on one of the best opportunities in your life. I could've been your daughter. I could have been your little girl. Now I am neither, nor will I ever be.

So thank you for leaving me because I am happy. I understand my self-worth, and I understand that you don't define me. You have made me stronger. You have helped make me who I am without even knowing it.

So, thank you for leaving me.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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An Open Letter To The Friend Who Continues To Save My Life

No one knows me like you do.

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From the day we became friends, we have always had nothing but support for one another. Although we have only really been friends for about seven years now, I feel as if you have always been a part of my life. You know me just as well as you know yourself, and I understand you in the same way I understand my own thoughts and feelings.

You have never made me feel pressured, insecure, or unappreciated. The mutual respect we have for one another is unmatched. We can talk to each other about anything; from some of the most trivial topics to entire life philosophies. We have grown and matured together, and I couldn't be more proud of the person you are today.

We don't always agree on everything, and I always appreciate your fresh point of view, but I have never felt more in sync with another person than I do with you. We share the same birth month, the same age, the same home town, the same anxieties, and many of the same attitudes and values.

I feel as if you know exactly when I want to be alone and when I need company. Since we are both introverted, we understand that the other person needs time to recharge. And when I'm sitting alone with nothing to do, I always get a text from you asking to hang out.

In some of my loneliest, most vulnerable moments, you have been there. When I question how many true friends I really have, you are always sure to make your love for me known.

Through high school, and now college, we have experienced so many life-changing events together. Some that have taught us extremely valuable lessons, and others that have shown us incredible pain and how to grow from our lowest moments.

I want to thank you for showing me what life-long friendship looks like. Thank you for always understanding me and never putting too much pressure on me. I see an incredible future for both of us no matter where each of our lives takes us.

We will always share a unique connection that cannot be separated by any distance. But, for now, I'm glad you're only one text or phone call away.

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