I was raised in an all-Catholic family (parents and extended). I went to a Christian preschool and Catholic schools from kindergarten through my senior year of high school. College is the first time that I have not attended a Christian/Catholic institution. Ironically, college is also the first time I have ever really developed a relationship with Christ.

Needless to say, that shook my faith life. For the first time, I did not have the pressure to go to Mass every week. People around me were not constantly talking about God (whether forced to or not, as was the case in high school). Rather, I was exposed to a large group of people who did not care for God. It became too easy to prioritize other things over God and my relationship with Him, such as social events, homework, and a simple, uncontested desire not to put the effort in.

My life was gradually falling apart throughout my first semester of college, and I was constantly cursing God for that. But I never took a second to realize that maybe my life was no longer what it used to be because God was now absent.

Everything I thought I knew and loved came crashing down, and I was stuck at rock bottom with nowhere to go. I found myself looking around for answers but was avoiding the most one obvious: God.

On my desk, I have a sign that says "Pray more, worry less." My friends were constantly encouraging me to attend Bible studies and faith-related things with them. Their rooms were covered in Scripture. They would send me daily Bible verses. But I just wasn’t understanding. I NEEDED God, but I wouldn’t let myself have His love.

But one day I did. I felt so unloved and unwanted for so long until the day I felt God’s love through my friends.

I started writing every night in a journal to God where I lay out all of my thoughts, worries, and thanks to Him. I literally give Him everything in my heart each day.

And it’s amazing. I cannot even describe the effect that letting God into my life has had. I wake up every day grateful for the opportunity to be here and to be able to love my friends and family. I have made it a mission of mine to commit my heart to Christ.

This mission is honestly really difficult. In a world surrounded by so much temptation and doubt, it’s so easy to just turn away from God and His wants and turn towards worldly desires. And don’t even get me started on how hard it seems to find time to pencil God into my busy schedule. But it is so necessary.

I fail daily as a Christian, but that’s okay. I believe that admitting you need God is the first step to having an honest and open relationship with Him. Giving my time to God has allowed me to fall vulnerably in love with Him without fear of being judged. And He has been so good to me since.