About a month ago I sat down in my Anatomy and Physiology ll class with the most confidence I’ve ever had going into an exam. I was prepared for anything my professor threw at me pertaining to the respiratory and lymphatic systems, and I was so excited to say that I made an A on an exam in such a difficult class. I had to wait the whole weekend to find out my grade, and I never wanted a weekend to end as bad as I did that particular one.
I walked into class that morning as test were being handed out, and my professor walked to my seat and handed mine folded in half as always. Slowly I opened it, and expected the very best outcome. In red ink…64% with a side note “Should probably spend more time with the material.” More time? I spent two solid weeks with my nose in my book at every free moment I got, and even prioritized it over other exams and assignments! Anger overcame me, tears began to fill my eyes and I sat in a pool of self-pity. My palms began to sweat, my heartbeat was probably heard on the other side of the room, and in this split moment I felt like I was defeated by papers held together by a staple containing black ink that would determine my knowledge on the subject.
What happened? I knew this! I could have a full conversation about the anatomical positions, functions and physiology of both body systems. I didn’t fit the standard, and I felt my worth, my importance and intelligence matching the “below standard” grade I received. I was the first one to walk out of class that day as soon as the clock stuck 8:50, and I walked quickly to my car to finally let all my tears go. I questioned myself, my major, my career choice, what could I have done more, and said goodbye to my A in that class. I failed.
Those words rang and echoed in my head like a child yelling in a large empty room. I failed. Once my composure was obtained, these words flowed into my heart, “We also boast of our troubles, because we know that trouble produces endurance, endurance brings God’s approval, and his approval creates hope” Romans 5:4. I chose that day not to be bound in bitterness because of my setback, instead I chose to be thankful. Thankful that I have the opportunity to fail because without failure success is a product never reached.
Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure. It’s built on frustration. Sometimes it’s built on catastrophe. God uses a setback or in man’s eyes a “failed attempt” to humble us to His grand plan, a source of blessing, and giving empathy for others in their weakness. It’s easy to walk into a situation with full confidence in our own dominance over it, and feeling like we have the outcome in the palms of our hands.
Our failures highlight our dependence on Him. God loves our drive to make goals, set points of accomplishment, and He loves to hear us talk of our dreams and plans when they are in correspondence to His will. That being said, He also loves when we abandon them to Him because it is easy to get use to doing things in His name, but not for His kingdom.
That day, I had a revelation, when being faced with an undesired outcome your reaction to it is everything. You have two options, give up and quit or stand back up, brush off and continue again. If you chose the second option, Defeated is not your demeanor. Deficient is not you makeup. Deterioration is not your dreams. A failure is not your title. Every piece of thread sewn into the quilt of life is directed by the one who broke light from darkness, created man from dust, and whose only begotten son took the scars we deserved because we fail Him daily.
Our failures have been cast as far as the east is to the west, and in Him we find the most priceless success...freedom for a new start. His hands are gentle yet mighty, His heart is stern with the word yet calming to our wandering spirit, and his plans are not understood, yet still greater than our own. “The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail Isaiah 58:11.