Growing up, we expect life to go a certain way. We go through school, get a job, get married, have kids, then die after however many years of watching reruns in a shabby-looking La-Z-Boy—or some variation of this pattern. The reality, as it would seem, has different plans.

You won’t always get that job you apply for. You might question for years on end if you’re meant to die alone—you probably aren’t. There will be times when nothing seems to go right and that every plan you make proves to be in vain.

Adhering strictly to logic, an intelligent person would give up. If X continues to yield Y, why would anyone expect anything different? Yet, even if it takes years for X to become Z, is that patients not then warranted?

Take me, for example. If fools are those who chose not to play with the hand life has dealt them, I’m as foolish as the next. I moved from Maine to Virginia Beach this August with a Jeep filled to the brim with pretty much everything I owned, a now ex-girlfriend, and far from an adequate number behind that dollar sign in my bank account.But that was the least of my worries. I thought that no matter the odds, this was my next step; it was not the most logical decision nor was it the most educated decision, but it certainly felt like the right decision.

I’m not here to present some bitter tirade on love and its inevitable failings. Life has a way of teaching this lesson when the time is right and to a degree that I could not even attempt to reproduce.Love requires a great deal of effort and communication and, sometimes, even when these are both present, love still cannot prosper. Love and complete compatibility are two very different entities.

I failed. She failed. We failed together, and we failed each other. These things happen. One of the most beautiful aspects of life as humans is the ability to fail.Yes, an ability such as this without the profound truth gained in the process or ability therefore to grow would be depressing, to say the least. But we can grow; we can become better people for the failures we have endured.

The move did not go as planned. Before we had even moved into our apartment together, only a few weeks after the relocation itself, we were no longer a couple. We were two parts of something that had once been whole now forced to stand on our own.

I moved back to Maine. Specifically, I moved back into my childhood bedroom—or what is more appropriately called my parents’ office. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed I was yet again forced to live under their roof, as though I was a child. Now I’m back in Old Town having to explain to friends and acquaintances that things did not work out in Virginia and I have returned to this not-so-tropical island in Northern Maine. This, not accompanied by numerous other issues, would not be so disheartening.

The real problem I now face is that overwhelming feeling that I’ve been knocked down a peg, that I’ve taken a step back. I had a bright future, a loving relationship, and some semblance of direction to guide me. Now? I organized my DVD collection by genre the other morning and felt accomplished.Does that mean I am doomed to live in this state of stagnancy for the rest of my life? No. I’m just in what you might call a rut. It may not be easy to get out, but it is entirely possible.

Enough about me, though—for right now. Let’s talk you.

More and more college students are changing majors at some point during their education. I leaped from Chemistry to English, because those two are obviously similar.Some topics are too difficult; some, too drab; others still are simply not going to lead us in the direction we desire. It’s okay to change your mind.We did not achieve the goal we had set for ourselves. And by that account, we have failed. This much is true. But failure is not permanent. On the contrary, it is but a temporary setback from which we can springboard ourselves higher.

The real failure is not reflecting on what led to this temporary misstep and learning from these mistakes. Without growth, without acknowledging that these things happen not to discourage or humiliate us, but to strengthen us into the headstrong adults we are meant to be.

From a relationship standpoint, it is clear to me that I could have been a better partner. I allowed my own insecurities to cloud my judgment; I did not rely heavily enough on communication, and I did not trust enough in her to be compassionately transparent.At first, I spent my time beating myself up over every little mistake. It took two weeks before I could start to even think clearly again. But she had her faults too. That is what makes a relationship a pairing of two individuals—the idea of cohesion.

While this relationship did not persevere, that does not mean I am incapable of loving or being loved. We each still have those memories, for better or for worse, and are different people than when we met. I now know the importance of that bond and that without it even the greatest couple is doomed.

I don’t want to live in Maine forever. I was content with having left, so you can imagine the disappointment felt upon returning home—as if feeling defeated in other ways was not enough. Yet, without having tried to move, I would not have the knowledge I now possess.

I see myself relocating this Summer, perhaps to New York, perhaps not. Regardless of where my pushpin makes a hole in the map, I am confident that I can pack up and start fresh somewhere else.As strange as it may seem, what first seemed like a monumental downfall on my part has since shaped itself into a moment, neither negative nor positive, that I can simply use as a reference, an origin of confidence. This is, in many ways, a new chapter in my life, one which is bound to have surprises aplenty.

I am capable. In this life, I plan to make a difference in the world around me and nothing that has happened in the preceding months will ever prohibit such a possibility.

I am not a failure, and neither are you. No matter your circumstances, no matter your current financial or mental state, you still have worth and still have a future. We are meant to stand back up when we fall, so fall with grace and climb higher with your next go at whatever goal you are aiming to meet.Failure is a mindset, not a condition. Your friends and family are there to support you. Let them. A helping hand can go a long way. Trust me.

Take the ramblings of a disillusioned twenty-something not as some profound epiphany but rather as a simple reminder, like the alarm you mute several times each morning on your phone. Take what I have said here and run with it. Be more than your failures.

I am not a wise old man who knows your future. I lack any substantial experience to be your new life coach. Consider me a friend with your best interest in mind, one more person who wants to see you succeed.

Success—the absence of failure. Or is it? Knowing what I know now, I believe this equation is inaccurate; I believe this binary way of thinking is archaic. Success is not the absence of failure; it is its byproduct, created in the resulting chaos of each individual defeat. You cannot succeed if you do not first fail.

So, go out and fail. Try your damnedest. Fall on your face. But stand back up. Stand and learn and grow and become everything you’ve ever wanted to be.

Stay woke, Ponyboy.