Imagine this: You wake up one day and you just feel empty. You can't seem to feel any joy, pain, sadness. Nothing. You don't want to do anything but stay in bed. You don't even want to watch your favorite show on Netflix. Problem is, you can't just sit and do nothing. You have to put on a smile. You have to go to class. You have to act like nothing is wrong. Not only do you have to go to class, you have to face an entire week and act like nothing is wrong.

You think that if you act well enough that just maybe you could convince yourself. Time moves on and the week keeps going. The week drags on and you can't wait for the weekend. You just go through the motions all week. As the week moves on, you feel more numb. There's more things you have to do. There's more things you have to put on that mask for.

It's getting harder and harder to keep smiling. You're getting overwhelmed. You can't breathe. You can't keep the mask anymore. you start freaking out about the smallest things.

I can't breathe.

I just need to...

Breathe.

You try to spend time watching Netflix. Try to distract yourself.

It's not working.

You try to get your homework done. If you can't do anything, at least try to be productive. You can't let your grades drop. People will worry.

You try to talk to people about what's going on. You call your mom. She can't talk to you like you need. So she has to hang up while you're in the process of crying. Put that smile back on. Pretend everything's okay so Mom doesn't worry.

Keep going to class. Keep doing homework. Keep smiling. Laugh. Act like you're okay. You don't want to fall apart and have people stare at you.

Call your sister. Maybe talking to her will help. Maybe she can help distract you. Maybe she can help you figure out what to do. Maybe she can help you cope. She doesn't want to talk either. She's busy and doesn't know just how bad you feel. Just keep smiling. You'll be okay.

You almost get through the week. You break down in the beginning of class. You can't even leave to try to calm down on you're own. Calm down. You have to calm down. The people in your group don't know what to do. Calm down.

You spend the whole class in the midst of a panic attack. You leave class as quickly as you can. You don't want anyone to see you in that state.

Spend some more time with friends. Try not to break again. You don't have time to talk about it. You don't see your friends for long enough. You don't want to be alone, but you don't have a choice.

You have to force a smile but your closest friends have figured out something's wrong. They want to do something to help you, but you don't have long enough to spend with them. All they can do is give you a hug and pray for you.

As time moves on, it gets harder and harder to smile. You can't act like everything's okay anymore. You can't stop thinking about everything that could possibly be weighing on your mind. No matter what you do to distract yourself, the world is weighing down on your shoulders.

What can you do? You can't seem to fake a smile anymore.

Spend time with friends. Find ways to laugh, genuinely laugh. Depression is nothing to blink at. It makes you want to disappear but terrified of disappearing. So spend time with friends. Don't spend that time alone like you want to. If you do, I can promise that you won't feel any better. Maybe you only hang out with one or two people, but please don't spend this time alone. Your closest friends are the ones who are most likely to make you feel better, even if it takes a while.

It does get better. Don't give up. You aren't alone. Believe me, you're not. I have to tell myself that too.

We're in this together.