To A Failed First Date(s)

To A Failed First Date(s)

God doesn’t want us to settle for just anyone, he wants us to have the right one.

To a failed first date(s),

Thank you. You were a perfect gentleman. You picked me up, opened my car door, and complimented me on my obvious efforts for the evening. You listened to me, you laughed, you cared. And although the conversation was a little dull, and the candle light not quite right on your silhouette, I will always value you. Needless to say it didn't work out between us, I kindly declined a second date, but don't think I don't think about you. You showed me that not only do good guys still exist, but my prince charming too. You may have not been the man of my dreams, but you made the man of my dreams become a man of reality. Thanks to your chivalry, you’ve given me hope, and perspective. That’s just what God wanted.

I think we (both men and women) grow hopeless when first dates don’t work out, but we shouldn’t, because like the abundance of life’s hardships, it’s all part of Gods plan. God doesn’t want us to settle for just anyone, he wants us to have the right one. That may mean going on one-too-many failed first dates, and that’s okay. Don’t get discouraged. The date was not pointless, not even close. Think about it this way, in realizing why you won’t be perusing a relationship past the first date, you realize what type of date you would like to peruse. Maybe someone wiser, or more adventurous, family oriented, or faithful. Helping you to distinguish what your type is, what kind of man will compliment you best, and who will make you happiest. So don’t be afraid to dream him up; set your standards high. There is no such thing as “too high” of standards, and don’t let anyone not meeting them tell you any different.

But don’t get too caught up in finding him just yet! You’ll miss all the fun of dating! For now, bask in your singleness, and enjoy the pampering. Because, hey, not only will you be getting lots of free food along the way, but every Mr. Wrong is one step closer to Mr. Right.

Cover Image Credit: Google

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No, It's Really OK That I Don't Have A Boyfriend

I'm choosing myself this time around.

When I go out or meet someone, the topic of having a boyfriend is always brought up. I’ve never met one of my parents’ friends without hearing the words: "So, do you have a boyfriend?" Or, better yet: "Where is your boyfriend?"

There’s nothing wrong with asking, but I’ve become really comfortable with answering, "I don’t want one right now. I’m just doing me."

I’ve put in minimal effort over the past year to have any sort of relationship, and every less than valiant effort proves that I’m just not in a place in my life where I have the time, energy, or drive to have a significant other. I see these girls with beautiful, loving, full relationships and it’s all so romantic and sweet and I’m a sucker for love, but I won’t allow myself to love someone halfway.

At times, I fantasize about having the love of my life calling me up for plans and loving me wholeheartedly, but I’ve taken three steps back out of that race to find ‘the one’. I’m in no hurry at all, whatsoever.

When you’re in a relationship, you value the other person and consider their feelings and beliefs when you act and speak. You care for them in a deep manner. At such an important time in my life filled with opportunities and alternate directions, I want to make decisions based on my convictions and preferences without any internal conflicts that occur when you’re madly in love and I wouldn’t dare hold someone back from their dreams and path. I know they say, the person who loves you should support you in everything that you do, but I also know that you make sacrifices for love and your partner.

I am 21 and I want to be selfish when it comes to my time, energy, and affection. I want to continue learning how to be an independent, capable woman who is confident and whole without another soul. I want to know myself entirely, so when I do meet the one, he isn’t a necessity for me to feel complete — he is an add-on, a benefit, a choice.

Until then, I will continue to be present in my self-love endeavor by choosing myself day in and day out.

Cover Image Credit: Ashley DeBoer

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She Wants the C: Commitment


She wants the C: Commitment

Ah yes, commitment. I bet at least half of you shuttered at hearing that word. Well, who am I kidding -- more than half.

The word "commitment" has taken on such a scary connotation, like it's the monster in the closet, lingering and waiting for you to get defenseless. What happened to searching for love? Now, people seem to be looking for quick thrills instead. Let's just say growing up on movies like Titanic, The Notebook, and Disney fairytales did not prepare me for this. Being swept off my feet and carried away to my beautiful castle has turned into questioning why I was left on read. Fearing commitment has become more and more of a common trend, and, quite frankly, it’s become a civil war of the sexes. I once dated someone who ultimately brought our relationship to a halt because he just “didn’t want a relationship”, while I cried over this I realized the grass isn’t greener on the other side, and I wasn’t the one losing out in this situation, because ultimately, I wouldn’t even want to be with someone with that mindset ; the mindset that commiting to someone is a jail sentence, restraining them from their freedom. How could two people work together when one avoids commitment like the plague and the other yearns for it? Did someone say "confusion"? It has lead to being in the state of what I call “dating a single”. Dating a single has happened to me, and I’m sure it has happened to you, when you act like a girlfriend to a single man. Why do we do it? Because we think we can convert them to the “dark side”. The “dark side” which consists of support, love and loyalty...sounds scary right? (Yes, I typed that rolling my eyes). So why do we do it? Why do we continuously try to talk the other person into commiting to us like we are putting on a sales pitch? Well, I for one quit that job. I’m handing in my two weeks. I don’t need “excellent persuader” on my resume. Instead, I’m choosing to turn the tables. I will commit to myself. “Yourself?” you might be asking. Yes -- MYSELF. I will commit to putting myself first and caring about what I need. Things I will commit to consist of a healthy lifestyle and loving myself and those who truly love me.

Commitment isn’t a scary thing, especially when it is in your own hands. When you can look for that commitment within yourself you will have an awakening of what you’re worth truly is. You will find that your worth is being a priority, and no one can do that better than yourself. Now, I know that sounds cliché, but there comes a time when you can see that your true source of happiness is within yourself. I realized this when I was 20 years old, and I truly wish I was enlightened to this sooner in life. I have always been there for myself, so why should I seek validation in anyone else? Self love and self commitment is my movement. Here is to 2018 and committing to ourselves.

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