The morning calls for a light sprinkling of dog videos. 55% chance of corgis, 30% chance of shibas, 15% chance of a small dog simply existing. 99% chance you’ll wish any cat videos were actually dog videos, and 100% chance you’ll believe owning multiple dogs from any video will fix your life.

As the afternoon approaches, memes will come from the west. These are likely humorous and light-hearted (unless one of your friends is sharing depressing pictures in order to get attention).

By mid-afternoon, our President will have had enough time to say or do something to offend people, so it’s likely that will appear on your Facebook page as well. It’s not a matter of if he’ll be offensive but rather who he’ll offend this time. You should probably prepare some pretty strong and controversial opinions in case you are even remotely impacted.

This is the time you’re going to pay attention to those videos that you otherwise wouldn’t watch. Being surrounded by evidence of the deteriorating state of our country makes waiting for an advertisement in the middle of a food video slightly more bearable. (What’s a true crime to our nation is when you watch them make the whole cake but THEY NEVER CUT INTO IT. I WANT TO SEE THE INSIDE.)

At this point, you may realize that is has been a while since you updated your profile and decide to do something to revamp it. Going through your phone, you’ll probably spend hours looking at pictures you never deleted because you “might need them one day”, even though that day has not (and will never) come. Eventually, you’ll find an acceptable cover/profile picture and post it. You eagerly await the response of your friends, all the while telling yourself you’re above caring about what they think.

As evening approaches, your friends that have embraced the political side of becoming an adult will feel the need to post long-winded responses to whatever the president has done. Others will likely caption pictures with witty and sarcastic remarks. You’ll read the posts because you feel you should but you’ll save the pictures because they’re funny. With any luck, it’ll be more pictures than paragraphs, because the only reason certain people read those political posts is to engage in a comment war. Save everyone some time and fight in the comments section of pictures instead.

If you’re lucky, there will be a Marvel movie advertisement right about now to break up some of the harsh vibes. If you’re unlucky, it’ll be the advertisement for Justice League. After Logan, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, and the upcoming Thor movie…DC, please stop, the adults are working. No, I don’t care if you cast the big guy from Game of Thrones, Aquaman still isn’t a superhero.

By the time the sun is setting, you’re probably going to be so bored that you’re visiting your Facebook page multiple times during the commercial breaks of whatever you’re watching on TV so you can claim you’re “multitasking”. Just because you refreshed doesn’t mean your wall will change. Yes, it is still all the same stuff. You can check back in 5 minutes but it will still be the same.

Night is when most of your friends will be active so your wall is either going to be full of pictures that make you question how people can look like that while you look like this or posts about the high school seniors saying goodbye to their childhood and embracing college. (Freaking freshmen).

Late at night you can probably expect a message from a friend who is either bored or drunk. You’ll answer because, by now, you’re one of those two things too. Either way, you now have someone to talk to. Eventually the conversation will grind to a stop. You become tired, or you just don’t want to talk to them anymore. You’ll go to sleep-- but not before checking your feed one last time.

Don’t worry, the cycle will repeat the next day. Rest easy knowing that, if there’s anything you can rely on, it’s people sharing videos of corgi butts and the president saying the worst thing possible.