Yes, being an extrovert with social anxiety is a major contradiction. Having to deal with social anxiety while at the same time wanting to be social is one of the biggest struggles I face every day. I have pinpointed a few things that show why being an extrovert with social anxiety can be difficult:

I’m quiet but have a lot to say.

I come off as the quiet type who just sits and listens to what you are saying without voicing my opinion in return. I may look as if I’m just absorbing everything you’re saying, but, trust me, I’ve thought of 20 different responses to shoot back at you. I have so much to say and so much to share. I’m just scared I might embarrass myself by saying the wrong thing. Therefore, I would rather stay quiet and listen to others talk.

I love going out, but I don’t love socializing.

You can expect me to be the first person to go out to the nearest party. I love going out and seeing how others interact. But you can’t expect me to be the first person to strike a conversation with every person I see. You can find me at the nearest corner of the room with a few of the friends I feel comfortable with while absorbing the commotion around me. The thought of having to engage in conversation with new people is enough to make me want to crawl in a hole and hide forever.

I want to be alone, but please don’t leave.

Having social anxiety causes me to want to lie in bed binge-watching Netflix by myself. At the same time, being alone makes me feel anxious too. I’ve learned over time that isolation doesn’t help social anxiety. Even if I don’t feel like talking, having someone around to be there for me when I do decide I need to talk is very comforting. Sometimes just being in the company of others is enough to keep me content.

All of these situations have caused me to struggle in day-to-day life. But this is who I am, and I’ve come to accept it. For anyone who is dealing with social anxiety, just know that you are not alone. There are others out there who go through the same things as you. Stop worrying, be yourself, and enjoy your life.