Growing up I was always very introverted and shy. I would be made fun of for things I couldn’t control like being too skinny, too short, and having bushy eyebrows. I always felt inferior to those around me. Even when doing something good, such as getting first place in a race, I would never feel proud of myself because I never felt good enough for society. I always saw my flaws and was never content with myself.
Sadly, not much has changed since my childhood, I am still my biggest critique and in my eyes, I will never be good enough. When others compliment me, I do not believe them and at times think they are being sarcastic. I wish I could change my mentality, but I cannot, this is just who I am. I have been like this for eighteen years and I continue to be like this.
Do not get me wrong, I do not hate myself or hate life, I am just not fully content with myself. This lack of self-esteem is something I continue to struggle with in my everyday life and impacts me negatively. This issue is something I always hide and pretend does not exist when in reality it overpowers my life. I like to pretend to be confident, I like to pretend that my life is perfect, that I have no problems, this is what I tend to portray to society. I tell society my minimal problems in life so that it seems like I have problems and I am as normal as they are but I do not share my actual deeply personal issues.
In a way, I place a façade of being a happy girl that has the perfect life. I portray to the world that I like shopping, I like fashion, and traveling. This is all true, but at the same time, this is only the surface of who I actually am. In reality, I am just a very unconfident person and I yearn to one day be happy and have self-acceptance.
The purpose of me writing this essay was to show that I am not who I sometimes portray to be but that I am a real human that has inner conflicts. I should probably end this by saying to love yourself, but that would be very hypocritical of me. If I end with a negative thought, then I will be perceived as having a dark depressed soul, which is not entirely true.
Simply, I will end this short excerpt by saying to not be afraid to be vulnerable and tell others your personal struggles as I am doing right now; it can be very relieving.