Heartbreak is no joke people. If you have experienced it, you know what I am talking about.

Before going through my first heartbreak, I knew it was a thing that happened in movies but really did not think it was as painful as the movie stars portrayed. Yeah, they are not exaggerating people. Well maybe a little.

Recently, I went through my first heartbreak and it was not pretty.

I am still going through the healing process and am doing better than I was in the beginning. I did not think heartbreak could actually wreck you but I was wrong. Boy, was I wrong by a long shot. Even though the break up wasn’t messy or confusing, it flipped me upside down. However, going through the heartbreak taught, reminded, and showed me more than I thought it would.

I learned that the more you suppress the urge to let out your pain, the worse it gets. When the break up happened, I was not able to wallow. I did not have that time to sit and cry and eat a whole tub of ice cream like you are supposed to do after a break up. I immediately had to jump into clinicals and keep my emotions in for most of the day, just like any adult who has responsibilities. I then went out of town a couple days later and was hardly alone throughout the two weeks I was there. During the nights, I was able to let my emotions out but it never was enough and I would find myself crying in public areas because I kept holding in the urge to cry and to feel the pain. Crying in public is no fun and if you have done it, you know it to be true.

I was reminded how much God, friends, and family are there for you. God knew what was best for me and my ex and I find comfort in that. At the time, I was not happy with God but I knew what He was doing far exceeded my imagination. I learned to trust Him more as I went through the heartbreak and to not doubt His works. My friends and family were checking up on me daily and sending prayers. Gosh, the love and grace I received from them was and still is abundant. God knew I needed them and they were there every time I needed to talk. Having their love and knowing they were only a walk down the hall, a drive, or phone call away helped me more than I can express. I really felt the love during that difficult time.

I was shown how heartbreak can tear you down or build you up. I choose to be built up because there is always something to learn from every relationship you have. Choosing to not look at the positives of the relationship and the break-up that came with it can be harmful to growth. Yes, it was not easy to think positive throughout the process and there were times when I allowed myself to look negative on the situation. However, I knew I would be harming myself if I chose to not look towards the bright light at the end of the tunnel. I continue to look at the bright light and remain hopeful that time will heal the situation.

Lastly, I learned that heartbreak makes you feel a loss you have never felt before. A good friend told me that it is like mourning a death and honestly, that is how it felt. The random crying sprees and loneliness that set in felt as if my ex did die. I know, that sounds dramatic but it was true. Going from talking to him every day to not talking to him at all was the most painful thing. I did not know how he was doing or what he was feeling that day. I couldn't annoy him with cute photos of dogs or receive support after a long day. It was sudden like a light being turned off unexpectedly. The loneliness got consuming sometimes so I had to remind myself that I was not alone. I have family and friends I can annoy with dog photos and receive support from. It may sound like it was easy for me but it wasn't. I lost an important person who knew me better than most. He helped shape me into the person I am now, and I am grateful for that.

Of course there are more things I learned from the heartbreak but if I added them all in this wouldn't be a article, it would be a book, a very personal book. Even writing this was somewhat difficult but I felt like it would help me put into words what I was and still am feeling. I also wrote this for the people who have or currently are experiencing heartbreak. I want you to know time heals all wounds and it helps to remind yourself that you will be okay. I tell myself that when it gets too overwhelming, “I will be okay. I will be okay.” It has helped me, along with having God and my support system around me.

Thank you to my loved ones and close friends who have been there for me throughout this time in my life. You have helped me more than you can imagine.

And to all of the readers who may want to know more or have questions, or even want to share your story, please feel free to leave comments or contact me! I would love to hear from you.