Expectations Can Weigh Heavily On Individuals, Just Let People Do Their Thing

Expectations Can Weigh Heavily On Individuals, Just Let People Do Their Thing

I shouldn't feel bad for not meeting your expectations.
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I have mentioned in previous articles that my childhood was not the easiest to get through. My family had a lot of different issues that we were dealing with and it took years before everything started to feel okay again. Even though my family is in a good place now, my childhood had a significant impact on my presentation of my emotions to others.

Specifically, when I was young I often felt sad at home. However, since I didn’t want other people, like my friends, to know what was going on, I chose to always act like everything was completely fine. This meant that although I felt sad when I would leave my home, I would put a smile on my face and be the “happy Nidhi” everyone knew me as.

With that being said, I never realized the effect this would have on my current relationships as a 20-year-old in college today. I think a lot of people who I am very close to expect me to always be in a good mood and smiley. It is the perception of myself that I have given off for so many years and although I am fully aware that feeling this way is only partly true most of the time, others seem to have taken it has who I am all the time.

Thus, when I am having a bad day and just want to keep to myself, people react quite differently towards me.

A lot of people will bother me as to why I am not acting how I normally am or take my responses as being mean or out of character rather than just a result of being judged for having a bad day. I know this sounds really weird, but I swear on the days I am feeling not myself, people around me tend to be surprised that “happy Nidhi” could possibly be having a bad day.

This reaction that others often have towards me has been weighing on me heavy. This is mostly due to the fact that I really want to be treated like everyone else. Yes, many days I am very happy and I like sharing that sentiment with others in my life. However, I am human and I have bad days sometimes.

Really bad days.

On those days, I just want to feel respected for my feelings and not feel like I have to fake a smile to get through the day. I have done that my entire childhood and I really don’t want to have to deal with that now as a young adult.

I am not sure if others have ever experienced this type of reaction from those close to them, but if you have, just know that I can relate. The best advice I can give is to simply be honest with those around you so that they are aware that you are going through something. However, if that is something that you do not feel comfortable doing, then it may be best to take some time to deal with your rough patch on your own -- whatever you need to do to get through your day, as long as it is healthy, is perfectly okay.

Further, if you are reading this and you know someone who is similar to me, my only request is that you respect that them having a bad day isn’t totally out of character and something that needs to be made a big deal. They are human just like you and should be treated as such.

Cover Image Credit: Personal Image

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A Letter To My Freshman Dorm Room As I Pack Up My Things

Somehow a 15' x 12' room became a home.

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Dear Geary 411,

With your creaky beds, concrete walls, and mismatched tile floors, you are easily overlooked as just another room we were randomly assigned to— but you were different. Inside your old walls, I have made some of the best memories of my life that I will hold on to forever.

Thank you for welcoming my neighbors in with open arms who quickly became friends who didn't knock and walked in like you were their own.

I feel like an apology is needed.

We're sorry for blaring the music so loud while getting ready and acting like we can actually sing when, in reality, we know we can't. Sorry for the dance parties that got a bit out of control and ended with us standing on the desks. Sorry for the cases of the late-night giggles that came out of nowhere and just would not go away. Sorry for the homesick cries and the "I failed my test" cries and the "I'm dropping out" cries. We're sorry for hating you at first. All we saw was a tiny and insanely hot room, we had no idea what you would bring to us.

Thank you for providing me with memories of my first college friends and college experiences.

As I stand at the door looking at the bare room that I first walked into nine months ago I see so much more than just a room. I see lots and lots of dinners being eaten at the desks filled with stories of our days. I see three girls sitting on the floor laughing at God knows what. I see late night ice cream runs and dance battles. I see long nights of homework and much-needed naps. Most importantly, I look at the bed and see a girl who sat and watched her parents leave in August and was absolutely terrified, and as I lock you up for the last time today, I am so proud of who that terrified girl is now and how much she has grown.

Thank you for being a space where I could grow, where I was tested physically, mentally and emotionally and for being my home for a year.

Sincerely,

A girl who is sad to go

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What I Wish I Knew About Life After High School Before I Had To Live It

Life after high school isn't always what you expected it to be.

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So you're about to graduate high school and you think you have it all figured out. You and your best friends are going to stay close throughout college and you're going to take those long road trips in college to see each other. Think again.

Life after high school isn't always what you want it to be. You think you'll miss high school, you'll always be close with your high school besties, and you'll have all this free time in college. That's just not entirely true. I personally do not miss high school. I don't really talk to anyone I went to high school with on a regular basis, and I'm totally OK with that. I have friends in college that I believe will be my lifelong friends whereas my friends in high school didn't make an effort to keep in contact with me after high school.

I haven't had all the free time I've dreamed of in college, because I'm busy with school and meetings. When I'm not doing homework, I'm making sure the rest of my life is in order and all my stuff for school is in line. I'm not the crazy party girl that people think I am because of where I go to school. I'd rather sit in bed and watch Netflix than go out with my friends. I'm not a 4.0 student, but I work so hard in my classes just to make sure that I'm passing. I study a week before tests and still don't always make A's. And that's OK. It's not what I expected during my college years, but it's what's happening, and most of my friends are the same way.

Anne Marie Bonadio

Just know that life in college isn't all easy, breezy, and beautiful like Covergirl. It's hard and you will struggle whether it be in school or with your friends. College isn't always complete freedom. You'll be tied down with school and life and you won't have the free time that you always imagined. You won't always be best friends with your high school friends. You won't be taking those road trips because you won't be able to afford them, and if you're like me, your parents won't let you.

College won't be exactly what you dreamed it'll be, but it'll be some of the best years of your life.

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