Last December, I was going through one of my phases where I really missed my ex. I was sad all of the time and cried non-stop like I had when he and I went our separate ways. My heart absolutely ached and I could not take it. My friends kept saying I never found closure with our separation.
The reason I get into my moods and begin to miss him is that we never really ended. We just stopped.
We stopped talking. He and I stopped calling each other. We stopped seeing each other at school. Everything just stopped. And I don't know why. I think what hurt the most was that we never officially dated. I call him my ex because even though we never became boyfriend-girlfriend, he and I had feelings for each other that we couldn't ignore and we acted like a couple.
It was really hard for me to expect much from guys after him because although we weren't together, he still treated me like a princess.
Like, come on, what girl doesn't want that? When we stopped talking to each other, it hurt like hell. I was alone in dealing with the "breakup" because I felt like none of my friends could understand the feeling of a heart breaking and every piece breaking away.
The last time I saw him was my junior year high school homecoming dance and I was so excited to see him. Before the dance, the last time I saw him was our freshman year of high school before he moved to another school. Truth be told, I hadn't given him much thought after my sophomore and junior years, I really wasn't thinking about him.
But after the dance, it was like I always saw him and I missed him. I missed him romantically, but I missed him as a friend more.
My friends encouraged me to just text him and say a simple "hi." It took everything in me to do that, but when I did it, I felt better, and over time, I began to realize our friendship is just as strong as it was when we stopped talking and that's what I missed most.
I remember one of our last conversations as a "couple" was me asking him why we can't date and he said he didn't want us to break up and lose our friendship. I don't know what other girls hurt him to make him think that I was going to let that happen because I valued his friendship just as much, but we lost our friendship without a breakup, and that hurt most of all.
After taking three years to finally text him and just say hey, I feel so much better knowing he and I are in a good spot and can still talk to each other about any and everything. It's like we never stopped being best friends, so I'd like to think I proved him wrong in a way.
Just because we aren't together doesn't mean we can't still be best friends.
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