We often don't see the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship until we're in too deep. They almost seem like quirks: phone calls at weird hours just mean they were thinking of you. When the relationship finally ends, it's difficult, not only to recover but to become involved in a healthy relationship later on.

I left a toxic relationship a few years ago and found myself in another.

Since putting that situation behind me, I realized that I was sabotaging myself when I did start to see someone else. The warning signs that were hard to spot and easy for me to ignore before seemed to occur more often- even (maybe even especially) when they weren't really there. I have openly asked, "You seem like a great guy, but what's the catch?" It's difficult for me to process that people can be genuinely interested in what you have to say, how your day was, and also not have a separate life with a wife, kids, and dog in another town. They say when something is too good to be true, it's because it is.

After several dates, things seem to be going well until something trivial would make me do a double take. "Did you unfriend me on Facebook? Is it because you have a girlfriend and she saw that you were messaging me?" I find myself blowing up over nothing, making accusations with little to no actual evidence and chasing anyone away who would dare to tell me otherwise. Taylor Swift's Blank Space was actually based on my life- minus the mansion, obviously.

Rather than get hurt again, I take action into my own hands. I do whatever I imagine that my new love interest is doing. I ignore their calls and texts because "Fuck him. Why did he leave me on read for 12 hours?". I see other people and justify it by telling myself that they never asked me not to and they never specifically told me that I was the only one they were interested in. It didn't matter if they called to say they were thinking of me. They probably say that to everyone. I become a crazed (and bad) detective, reading and re-reading text messages looking for missed clues. They never specifically said X, so that DEFINITELY means Y. We did not define the terms of our relationship after a few dates, so that means there are no rules. I send more mixed signals than I ever received until I'm dizzy and alone again. Then I can breathe a sigh of relief...... because I was right, after all, wasn't I?

I put my emotional walls back up. I insist that I don't need anyone to be happy. And the cycle repeats.

It's sad to have to adjust to the notion of a healthy relationship.

I've found the greatest part about it is meeting people who are genuine and patient with me. In the end, that's what I need the most. It's great to have someone there to remind me what a normal, healthy relationship should be. Patience and understanding go a long way. Thankfully, my new bae is a much better detective than me. I say, "You said THIS but I know you mean THAT." He says, "I mean THAT because I said THAT." It's a good feeling. Don't judge someone based on the actions of others, but don't expect them to wait around for you to catch up and realize they're one of the good guys. I think I'm retiring from the private detective work for now. I've got a pretty good partner.