Dear Ex-Best Friend,

Even that title sounds childish, but I don't know what else to call you.

No-longer-friend? The person that left me behind? The individual that refused to commit to the responsibilities of being "best friends forever?"

Did you ever really mean that? Forever? Did you ever truly have any intention of being there for me no matter what, or who, came into the picture?

Regardless, I feel weird calling you my "ex-best friend." It sounds extremely childish and, believe it or not, I don't have any bitter feelings left toward you, toward whatever it is that tore us apart.

In fact, I want to start this letter by saying that I hope you are doing well. I don't know what you're up to, how you're doing, or anything like that. I haven't heard or seen anything from you in literal years. It's so funny that, just four years ago, that even going a day without hearing from you would have been absolutely unheard of.

But I hope you are enjoying life and creating a future for yourself that is exactly what you always wanted.

Who knows, maybe that future never included me. Maybe I was always meant to be excluded from this point in your life, maybe that was your plan all along.

Yeah, it hurts to think about that way because I thought you had planned to be there for me for all of the landmarks in my life: My first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first day of college, my first day of college exams, my first presentation in front of a large audience. I wanted you there when I submitted my first paper to a big journal, wanted you there when I ultimately got rejected.

You were long gone at that point.

You fled from my life long before any of those opportunities even came into my field of vision, but I can't say that I would change anything.

You know, better than anybody, that I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. God has a plan for our lives and, even if it sucks at the moment, we just have to roll with the punches sometimes. I just want you to know that I hope you have rolled with your punches and lead a happy life since you walked out of mine.

Truly, I hope you are doing well.

Sure, I want to know why you decided to drop off of the face of the Earth and cut off all of your ties with me but, now that a couple of years have passed, I've decided that you just don't want me to know why you made that choice.

And I want you to know that I respect your right to keep that secret from me.

If I did something to upset you, I wish you would have told me....but I'm sorry.

If I stopped talking to you as much, it was because I was trying to be more present in my new environment once we left for college...but I'm sorry.

If it was something about a boy or anything like that, however, I'm not going to say I'm sorry. You know that I never wanted something petty like that to come between us and I really hope that wasn't what caused you to stop talking to me, to go quiet when I offered the advice you requested from me.

I promise, all I've ever tried to do is help you and if I hurt you in the process of trying to do so, I'm sorry.

Just don't expect me to apologize for trying to truly be there to help you as I promised.

Anyway, I hope your life is going well and I do wish you all of the best.

I hope you have found your friend group wherever you are. I hope you have found your way into a career field that pleases your interests. I hope you found the dream guy you always wanted.

I hope you're happy with your decision to take your bags and leave from my life.

As snarky as that all probably sounds, please understand that those are genuine wishes. I do wish the best for you, but there is a little bit of bitterness and confusion that rises back to the surface when I think about what you've done.

I'm just happy that we have gone our separate ways. My life feels so much lighter and so much more independent since starting college. Who knows, maybe that was just me growing up and broadening my horizons.

Maybe it was making the choice to accept the fact that I was freed from a toxic relationship.

Whatever the cause, I just want you to know that the choice was yours and we can both agree you made the best decision in leaving.

As for me, I have had others to take your place. Some of them chose the same path and that's okay. I've slowly started to accept the fact that not everyone you meet in life will like you (but that doesn't mean they're good for you). Others have stayed and brought so much more joy and happiness into my life and I hope these are the people that stay in my life for a very, very long time.

I hope you can say the same and I wish you the best in the future, but I think it's best to maintain the silence that your decision has created.

Sincerely,

Meagan