What To Do When An Ex Bothers You

What To Do When Your Ex Who's Always In Your DMs Gets Engaged

A helpful guide for those of us who can't seem to shake the ones we least want to keep around.


We all have that ex, the one that never leaves us alone even though the relationship ended years ago. And if you don't have that ex, consider yourself to be very lucky because some of us could only dream of being freed from that burden.

As for me, my ex is persistent, to say the least. We dated in high school, and as I pointed out in a previous article, the relationship was not exactly sunshine and rainbows. And now, even though we've been over for a little over four years now, it seems like I'm just way too great to forget because he doesn't seem to get the message.

But I do—get the message, that is. In fact, I get tons of them, from him.

You'd think after a while of trying to communicate with me, he would grow tired of making the attempt. Maybe he'd realize it's not worth it and there are better things to do with his life (like literally anything else) than continue to bother me. Sadly, though, this is not the case.

Despite the rough ending to a rocky relationship, I tried to be on good terms afterward. I tried to maintain somewhat of a friendship, and even when that failed, I tried to remain as cordial as possible. This means I never blocked him and didn't plan on ever having to block him because I thought we were both moving on with our lives and not dwelling on what once was.

Clearly, I was so, so wrong.

A couple of Facebook messages, some Instagram DMs and a few Snapchats later piled on top of many unwarranted and un-responded-to texts, the blocking ensued, and for good reason.

It probably would have been fine if certain things hadn't gone the way they did while I tried to be OK with him (let me redirect you to another previous article of mine which details exactly what I'm referencing) but that wasn't the case here. In this situation, I wanted nothing to do with him anymore and I thought it was made clear by my avoidance of all communication.

Apparently, though, the metaphorical message was never received because his attempts kept coming in, and eventually, there was nothing else I could do but block him entirely from having any contact with me.

So why, you may ask, does it matter to me that he is now engaged?

The truth is, it doesn't. Not in the way you might think, anyway.

What matters to me about this whole thing is not the fact that he's finally moving on with his life and leaving me in the past, the same way I left him. It's the fact that, even though he's making this commitment to someone else who probably expects to be with him forever, it hasn't seemed to convince him enough to leave me alone.

And therein lies my problem.

Some may call me "petty," and some might even say that I'm making way too big of a deal out of this than it needs to be. But all I'm saying is: If you're marrying someone else, you really need to leave your ex(s) alone. Period.

This may be common sense to a lot of people, because it really is, yet for some reason, here I am reiterating it for those who are like my ex and don't seem to fully grasp this concept.

Now, what is one to do when they're on the receiving end of this unnecessary attention? Simple: Don't respond. Ever.

Sending back any kind of message, whether it be an angry one explicitly stating how you feel with a few curse words thrown in, or a calm one where you kindly ask them to leave you alone, it's not worth it. They're not going to listen, because if they were willing to, they would have already (assuming this has happened multiple times, of course.)

And I know, it's so satisfying to be able to tell them off after all that they've put you through (assuming the relationship ended because of something they did) but really, it's not going to hold up in the end. Any kind of response to their persistence only shows them they still have some form of pull with you, and that's not what you want to do.

You don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they've gotten to you in any way, remember that.

If you're like me, you've moved on. You've learned to live your life on your terms after being on someone else's for who knows how long, and you're finally able to do the things you want to do without feeling ashamed of them by this ex that once was your significant other.

If you're like me, you're finding yourself, and you're learning every single day what it means to be you again after losing that person in a relationship that suffocated you to no end. You've taken steps to be a new, improved version of who you once were before the relationship, and even though you know there's a lot left to be done still, you're ready to do it all.

If you're like me, you don't want to go back to that place. The place where you felt lost, alone, trapped, and like nothing could ever change for you. And the only way to stay away from there is to stay away from the person who put you there, in every conceivable way.

I know it's hard. I know there are times where all you want to do is ask certain questions that you never got answers to. I know there are days where you have had enough and want to lay it all out, not caring about anything anymore. And I know that, regardless of what I'm saying, it's still going to be a decision you have to make for yourself in the end.

But if there's one thing I know most of all, it's that they're not your problem anymore. You are free. You don't have to answer to them, literally or metaphorically.

You are your own boss now, be proud of that.

It doesn't matter how the relationship ended, what matters is that it's over now and you're the only person you have to listen to.

So don't give them what they're looking for. Don't let them win, even if it doesn't seem like a win to you because of what you're saying to them. As long as you're responding, it is their win and your loss.

Besides, you should be happy that they're someone else's responsibility now. The person they're engaged to? They're the ones that should be in charge of the reprimanding, not you. You don't owe anything to this person anymore.

If you're like me, your ex continues to message you in any way they can in order to weasel their way back into your life, and regain the control they once had. Even though they're apparently getting married to someone else and should be focusing on, I don't know, making a marriage work?

And if you're like me, you won't reply to anything they send you, because you know you're better than that, than them, and you don't need to prove yourself to anyone.

All you need to do is use that little "block" button that appears pretty much everywhere and pretend you never got the messages.

Because even if you did, it's not your problem. Let their fiancé handle it—it's what they're signing up for.

Popular Right Now

13 Movies Every Couple Needs To Watch Before They Get Married

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories.


These 13 movies are the foundation of any long-lasting relationship, and I'm not joking. Each movie will show you something new about your partner, and make you ask each other the hard questions. How many kids do you want and how are you going to raise them? What would happen if you got into a horrible accident? Some are less serious though, like what if you could time travel?

I promise that not every one of these movies is a Nicholas Sparks classic, and I also promise that not every movie has Rachel McAdams in it!

1. "The Time Traveler's Wife"

This movie is both heartbreaking and amazing.

2. "About Time"

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories. It's on Netflix right now, so grab some snacks and turn it on!

3. "Like Crazy"

This infamous Tumblr gif came from "Like Crazy." It's about a couple who goes long distance and build their life together. I used to cry every time I watched it, and I'm no crier! It also has the (now famous) Felicity Jones in it.

4. "The Notebook"

Every girl wants this kind of love.

5. "The Last Song"

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are literally married now so if that isn't good luck, I don't know what is.

6. "Safe Haven"

You guessed it! This is another Nicholas Sparks classic. This movie has a dark twist as well, which men will love.

7. "Inside Out"

You may be thinking that this one is a bit weird. Well, this movie will help both you and your partner understand each other's emotions better.

8. "The Choice"

This movie is great because the female lead is feisty and extremely intelligent, which usually doesn't happen in love stories. How do you keep the love alive with a woman who is hard to get, and even harder to keep entertained?

9. "The Longest Ride"

Originally I could not stand the main female lead (Britt Robertson) but now she is in one of my favorite shows (For The People), so I have no choice. This movie had me on the end of my seat, and as a rom-com it is a must.

10. "The Age Of Adaline"

I began loving the name 'Adaline' thanks to this movie. This unlikely love story and self love journey really gets me.

11. "The Vow"

Imagine falling in love with someone and building a life, but an accident forces you to start all over?

12. "Titanic"

If they don't have any sort of reaction to this movie, they are probably not the one for you.

13. "Yours, Mine, & Ours"

Yours, Mine, & Ours is a true classic. Are you Helen or Frank Beardsley? You should figure that out before you tie the knot!

You're welcome!

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

To The Guy Who Fooled Me Twice, Karma Took Care Of You

But shame on me.


I'll give it to you. The first time around was great. We had fun. We laughed. In the moment, it was great. You introduced me to what is now my favorite TV show, even though now I can only watch it when it comes on Adult Swim instead of having it readily available on Netflix. You actually enjoyed Hawaiian pizza so we practically lived on that and Dr. Pepper. We'd both go to work and come right back to each other at the end of the day, at least when I made arrangements to stay the night instead of spending time with my family like I honestly should've been. Although in hindsight, I should've ran.

But of course, all good things must come to an end. We were both so happy and we loved spending time with each other. The fire in your hair matched the fire in my soul and it worked. Unfortunately, I made the decision to call it off. I had to go back to school in another town because summer break doesn't last forever. Realistically, it wouldn't have worked. Even with the short hour and a half distance, "long distance" wasn't a thing for either of us. So I called it off and we came to a civil agreement. If we run into each other again in the future, we would try. But that was foolish. I should've ran and never turned back.

Then three months later, I was deep in school work; finishing essays in time for football games, working all the time- the cliche' life of a college student. Yet you felt the need to contact me out of nowhere. Three months after the fact. But I was fine. I had moved on, attachment was gone (at least I thought it was), and I was constantly with friends, engaging in whatever shenanigans we could come up with. But you. You contacted me. You said you missed me and you wanted me in your life. BUT you had met someone and y'all were dating.


Can the audience guess what came next? Yes, an invitation to the "hottest" threesome. Hard pass. I don't share.


Nearly a year went by after this conversation. My behavior hadn't changed. School, friends, football games, and now add Paddle People in the mix. Then one night during our traditional camp out before a game, I get a text from an unknown number. Normally I ignore but I had a weird feeling. But guess who? You. Apparently you had found out that she had been cheating on you with y'all's roommate. Disgusting, but okay. The relationship was over and you were confiding in me. Okay. I'm awesome at this. I had zero feeling but I still felt bad because stuff like this sucks.

Apparently somewhere along the lines, you had gotten reattached to me. Also along that line, I got used to talking to you on a daily basis again and got attached as well. We had agreed to meet up and hang out. Sure. What's wrong with meeting up with a friend? BUT you wanted me to meet your mom and stepdad. I should've ran.

Obviously I was an idiot. I met them, I loved them, they loved me, and we all had a great time. The literal closet full of liquor that your mother opened was honestly pretty enticing. From that night on, we hung out more and things seemed almost like they were. Aside from your depressing heartbreak and being terrified to start something new with me, even though you said you wanted to. I should've known better because I was sick of wasting time, but if I'm awesome at anything, it's being supportive. But I should've ran.

Eventually we started up again. AND I got along with your younger brother. Remember all the laughs we all shared? At least until you found out that one of the guys your ex-girlfriend cheated on you with was your younger brother. That, among other reasons, was why you made your mom kick him out of the house. But now he's in the Air Force making a better life for himself. Oddly enough, he's been really successful ever since he got separated from you and your family. Who would've thought? Oh yeah, me. Part of the reason you kicked him out was, of course, the disgust that your own brother betrayed you, but also because you were terrified that he would do the same thing with me. What you didn't know was that SHE initiated the relationship with your brother, not the other way around. But you either don't know that or don't want to accept it. Either way, I'm not that kind of person.

The kicker is when I found that you were in contact with her. To get your stuff back, I get it. BUT when I saw the messages of y'all wanting to hook up and do all these things while I was at work? Oh no. I bet you'll recall I confronted you about that and how you claimed you didn't owe me anything because we weren't actually together. True, but YOU wanted trust with us. Yet you couldn't be trustworthy and got defensive, not because we weren't fully committed, but because you got caught.

Big surprise, I went to work one day. We made plans to get dinner after I got off work and changed. I called you to let you know I was on my way, but SHE answered the phone. While y'all were consummating your "born again" relationship, I might add. Which is kinda funny and insulting to you. But my heart dropped. I sped to your place, and my fears were obviously correct. Her car was there. But the kicker? My suitcase was thrown in the driveway. Not even containing all my belongings. Fast forwarding through the retrieval of my belongings, communicating with your dirty, patronizing, personal skank through a garage door ORDERING her to get the rest, and you not bringing them to me directly, but instead leaving them on the porch so I couldn't confront you- I learned that you were nothing but a spineless coward.

I left. I went back to work because it was the first place I could think of that was the closest. I ran into the arms of someone that I once considered my best friend; my other half, even though we were going through our own rough patch and were barely speaking. But at the time he was the only one that knew about you in your entirety, so of course I ran to him. And I will thank him relentlessly for that AND for letting me by booze, only for me to drive to another friend's house so I could crash there and let me spew out my feelings and regrets. Not only with you, but with every potential relationship decision I've ever made. I will always thank that friend for that till the day I die. Those two guys put me back together that night.

In that moment, you had broke me. But now I realize that I should've ran. I should've ignored that unknown text. I should've let the first round be the only round because I came out on top.

You know what makes me feel better though? And that makes me kind of a shitty person? I know she cheated on you again. I know for a fact. Because a friend of mine showed me a picture of a girl he hooked up with recently. Within the last month to be exact. And guess who? Your girl. The ultimate kicker is that, unfortunately he has an STD now. He's treating it, but it's undetermined of when he got it. I'm willing to bet a lot of money that he got it from your girl though, considering we both know she opens her legs for basically anyone. Whether she knows about it is a mystery. Knowing how many guys she's still cheating on you with is a mystery. But karma is a dirty bitch and she got you.

You screwed me over, so enjoy screwing your STD ridden girlfriend. Girls don't show symptoms for a while, so that should be fun for you; considering you like the RAW feeling. So congratulations. The feeling of her burning bush matches the fire in your hair.


Related Content

Facebook Comments