Everything I Want To Say When You Are Hurting

Everything I Want To Say When You Are Hurting

I hope you’re feeling better and you're happy.
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I want to tell you I understand what you are going through, but I hate when people say that bullsh*t to me because how can someone ever truly feel what you’re feeling? I want to understand you though. I care about you and okay, I obsess over sh*t at times because maybe I have issues or maybe I care too much. But, I care about you.

I’ve felt very low at different points in my life and I always felt like a burden to my friends when I couldn’t deal with my difficult times on my own. I didn’t want you to feel like that. I wanted you to feel like you could take the time you needed, but I wanted you to know I’d be there for you if you needed anything. I was down to joke with you and laugh about stupid things.

Like I said, I always worry too much about everything. I was bossy towards my siblings when I was younger because I always wanted the best for all of them and I still do. I give people advice when they probably don’t want it because I want them to know I’m trying to put myself in their shoes by telling them how I would react to the situation. I want to try to understand everyone whether I can truly feel what they're feeling or not.

It'll be weeks before you read this, so I just want to say: I hope you’re okay. I hope the sun is shining where you are and I hope you’re happy. I don’t know if I’m writing this for just you, to put my feelings out there, or for us. I don’t know where things are going or if anything will ever work out, but I know that you make me laugh and I felt like I could be straight up with you about everything. I hope you’re feeling better and that you remember your worth like you always told me to.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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An Open Letter To The Friend Who Became My Sister

Love is thicker than blood.
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Sis,

There are friends. Then, there are best friends.

According to "Grey’s Anatomy’s" Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang, they're your person. The one who, “if I murdered someone, I’d call you to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor.” You’re so much more to me than any of those titles can express.

As I’ve matured throughout the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that good friends with good hearts serve an incredibly important purpose in our lives, going above and beyond what we give them credit and appreciation for.

The family we choose. You’re one of those.

The day we met, I knew that you were going to play an important role in my life. What I had no idea of was that you would join the cast of my life with a starring role.

First, I need to say thank you. Thank you for always coming to my locker to check in before class during high school. Thank you for letting me control the music on road trips. Thank you for sharing your family with me, and addressing my family as if you were born into it.

Thank you for patiently listening to the physical embodiment of a broken record when I complain about the same boy I’ve loved since senior year. Thank you for tagging along on every doctor’s appointment, grocery run, and trip to the post office, just because you know that I hate doing things alone.

Thank you for not thinking twice before dialing when I text you “please call me.” Thank you for never saying no to a coffee date. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for being my better half.

We don't share the same genetic makeup, but after all the sleepovers, heart-to-heart conversations, shopping until our bank accounts cry, and swapping clothes so often that we don’t know what belongs to whom, how could I not consider you family? We have shared some my fondest memories together, and I wouldn’t want them to feature anyone but you.

You’ve been with me on my best days, and loved me on my worst. You know how to make me laugh when all I want to do is crawl into a hole and die.

Picturing sitting in my car with you in the passenger seat makes me long for summer, where we spend three months together doing all of our favorite things. You’ve seen me naked, done my makeup, and warned me before making a poor decision. Being away from you for extended periods of time makes me feel incomplete.

You are a piece of me that I am not quite whole without. You taught me that blood doesn’t make a family; love does.

You know me better than I know myself, which is both amazing and terrifying. You make me realize I’m enough for this world, and that means more to me than I know how to express in the limited words that make up the English language.

You remind me that I am more than my mistakes, and you keep me grounded when I spiral out of control. You’ve helped me carry my burdens along with your own, even when the universe comes down on you full force, way harder than you deserve.

You’re the one I come to for the truth if I think my new dress makes me look fat, and I know you’ll be honest. I trust you with my whole heart. You know the gory details about every boy I’ve ever crushed on, every professor who was an absolute jerk, and every fight I’ve had with my mom.

I wouldn’t make it in this life without someone who already understands and listens to every thought going through my head and each thing I seriously over think, even when you know, though you don’t say, it won’t matter in a week.

With all these affectionate things being said, don’t forget our fights. The few we’ve had were very real. We still don’t see eye to eye on some events of the past, but I never told my mom about it because there was no need to make her choose a side between me and her “second daughter.

We have learned to move forward, because the love we have for each other overwhelmingly outweighs any disagreement we’ve had, and always will.

Through all the tears and laughs, I don’t think that anything the world has to offer could seriously come between us. You go to a different school than me now, and college has rudely gotten in the way of our routine of spending every waking moment together.

Since we met, we’ve grown separately without growing apart. Neither of us are the same person we used to be all those years ago. Even so, we’ve pushed each other to our limits and you’ve given me the courage to keep going and do things that make me happy.

We lean on each other when it’s been a bad day and all we want to do is to snuggle and indulge in whichever show the other is currently watching unceasingly and unabashedly for comfort (it’s the little things). Having you as my co-pilot on this crazy ride called life has been frustrating, exciting, slightly concerning, absolutely insane, and something I don’t know how I would live without, and I don’t intend to find out.

I’ll conclude this letter with a quote from every basic, white girl’s favorite musical, “I don’t know if I’ve been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”

Love you forever,

Your sis

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10 Things You Need To Know If Your Parents Are Divorced, Speaking From Experience

Divorce is just another trial in life that test your patience, meekness, and strength.
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Before you read any further, you need to know that I speak from my own experience. Divorce is a toxic, devastating action that changes everyone’s life.

There is no way for me to know exactly what you are going through, make your own judgments about this article. This is not a list of if you do this, then you will get this exact result. Divorce makes you grow as a person and with growth comes trial and error.

There are many different scenarios and circumstances that occur because of divorce, and my circumstance is most likely different from yours. I wanted to share my point of view because some of these ideas have taken me years to be OK with and to learn.

I want you to know that divorce makes us feel emotions that we have never felt. It’s uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and it makes you question everything in life. Here are 10 things that I believe you need to grasp in order to heal:

1. You Don’t Have To Continue Your Relationship With Toxic Parents

Maybe no one has ever told you this before, but hear me out. This is not an excuse for you to give up on your parents. If one or both of your parents is mentally, physically, or verbally abusive it is OK to allow separation. With that being said, I don’t think you should separate yourself forever. For me, I would separate myself for a time period and then when I recovered and felt strong enough, I would nurture the relationship. This was on-going for several years and took a ton of forgiveness. Do not just simply give up after one of your parents makes a mistake, but I am a firm believer that once you have done everything in your power to make things right, then you can love them from a distance.

2. But You Have To Respect Both Parents

Whatever your circumstance is, you still need respect both parents. This is something my wonderful mom taught me. I have a very kind personality, but it would have been easy for me to raise my voice at my dad. It would have been easy to hate him. It would have been even easier for me to tell everyone around me just what a terrible father he was, but none of that would have been right. I had to learn to deal with the pain, without taking it out on the one that caused it. I still said yes sir. I still prayed for him. I still told him ‘Happy Father’s Day’ even when I didn’t feel like it. And today, when I have to see him at family events, I don’t stand in the corner reminding myself of negative things about him. I say hi when he speaks, knowing that I have to make an effort to be respectful. I have learned that even if I don’t like someone, it doesn’t give me an excuse to be rude and disrespectful.

3. You Need To Let Go Of The Hate And The Blame

I have learned that this is not the easiest thing in the world. If I could give you one piece of single advice that will make all of the hate and the resentment go away: Pray for them. It works every time. If you don’t pray or don’t know who Jesus is, then I have no clue how to tell you to heal. I wouldn’t have made it without Jesus, so that’s what you need. You need a whole lot of Jesus if you want to make it through something as devastating as divorce. When I was finally ready to let go of the blame and the anger, I started asking Jesus to let me see the person that hurt me as He would see them. Time, prayer, and the removal of pride allowed me to let go of the things that held me in bondage.

4. Divorce Never Goes Away

Surprise! This is the thing I hate most about divorce. My parents got divorced almost 10 years ago and we still have to deal with the rippling effect of divorce. You are reminded of your parents divorce during major events in life, such as graduations, birthday parties, weddings, birth of children, and so much more. That’s why it is so important to heal now, rather than later. Divorce will always be around, so you need to heal what’s broken in order to experience freedom in your life now. If you don’t heal now, then these events that are made to be special will always reopen the wounds from divorce and make these major events dreadful.

5. If Possible, You Need To Have A Relationship With Both Parents

I have watched too many kids give up on their parents after ONE mistake. I will never understand this. If people gave up on me after one mistake, then I wouldn’t have anyone in my corner. When your parents start making a cycle of toxic choices, it is then that I believe it’s OK to love them from a distance. However, if you are not speaking to your parent because of something they did ten years ago or because of whispers of lies from the other parent, then you my friend, are in the wrong. I would give anything to have a healthy relationship with both parents.

6. Remember That You Are Still The Child, No Matter What

I believe this is something that you can remind your parents. It doesn't matter if you are 30 or 15, you are still the child. Pick and choose what you want to carry, because you weren’t meant to carry the weight of your parent’s choices. You still have to be respectful, but if you feel the need to vent and tell your parents everything you are feeling then it’s OK. You do not have to have it all together just because you are an adult and you are supposed to be mature. Divorce affects a 30-year-old just as much as it affects a 15-year-old.

7. You Don’t Have To Feel Guilty For Your Pain

I remember that I used to feel guilty for acting that way I did. I would cry multiple times and I always felt like I wasn’t being strong enough. I would look at other kids that had divorced parents and it looked as if the divorce had no effect on them. From the outside, they always made divorce seem so normal, like it didn’t hurt. I started to feel guilty for carrying around the pain of divorce. I thought maybe I was being dramatic and it wasn't supposed to hurt that badly. I felt weak, and then guilty for feeling weak. I can now stand here and tell you that yes, divorce is literally the worse thing I have gone through. So, if you feel that way, it’s normal. Don’t feel guilty for your pain. It does not make you weak.

8. It Is Not Your Fault

Cry, yell, rant, do whatever you have to do, but do not ever feel like the divorce is your fault! The truth is it’s actually the opposite. Your parents didn’t get a divorce because of you, but they did stay together because of you. If your parents wanted to get a divorce because you were the one causing issues then they would not divorce their spouse. They would find a way to divorce you and that is unlikely.

9. It’s OK To Be Angry, Hurt, Confused, etc. But Don’t Stay There

If your anger keeps you from living your life, then that is not OK. It’s OK to not be OK, but do not stay there. I can’t give an exact time period of how long you should grieve, because everyone takes different amounts of time to heal. You have to know when it is time for you to move on.

10. At The End Of The Day, They Are Your Parents

As I said in the beginning I am speaking from my own experience. You have been given your own judgements and emotions, so do what you think is best. In doing so, the worse thing you could do during a divorce is to forget your standards. The scary thing about divorce is that it somehow opens the door for us to throw our moral compass out the window. Don’t get caught up in the

Cover Image Credit: EveryPixel

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