Everything I Want To Say When You Are Hurting

Everything I Want To Say When You Are Hurting

I hope you’re feeling better and you're happy.
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I want to tell you I understand what you are going through, but I hate when people say that bullsh*t to me because how can someone ever truly feel what you’re feeling? I want to understand you though. I care about you and okay, I obsess over sh*t at times because maybe I have issues or maybe I care too much. But, I care about you.

I’ve felt very low at different points in my life and I always felt like a burden to my friends when I couldn’t deal with my difficult times on my own. I didn’t want you to feel like that. I wanted you to feel like you could take the time you needed, but I wanted you to know I’d be there for you if you needed anything. I was down to joke with you and laugh about stupid things.

Like I said, I always worry too much about everything. I was bossy towards my siblings when I was younger because I always wanted the best for all of them and I still do. I give people advice when they probably don’t want it because I want them to know I’m trying to put myself in their shoes by telling them how I would react to the situation. I want to try to understand everyone whether I can truly feel what they're feeling or not.

It'll be weeks before you read this, so I just want to say: I hope you’re okay. I hope the sun is shining where you are and I hope you’re happy. I don’t know if I’m writing this for just you, to put my feelings out there, or for us. I don’t know where things are going or if anything will ever work out, but I know that you make me laugh and I felt like I could be straight up with you about everything. I hope you’re feeling better and that you remember your worth like you always told me to.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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I feel like i am living in an enclosed cage like a dog in the pound, just trying to make people like me and not being who I want to be. I would say the last time I was truly happy was around 5 years ago. Yes, there are days where you act happy, but being truly unconditionally happy without faking it is something that I don’t even know exists for me anymore. I have tried for so long to do anything and everything to make my family proud, and have been so  worried about my future that I haven’t enjoyed life. I am just now figuring out that I need to do something to make  life enjoyable again. I need to be happy. And I’m sure some of you feel the same way. Well starting now, I’m going to try to talk daily about how to make life the best it can be.  

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A Poem To My Cardinal In Heaven

I dedicate this poem and everything I do, in loving memory of you.
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Not a day goes by,

That we don’t think of you and want to cry.

No matter how many years you have been gone,

Your memory will always live on.

Papa, I just want you to know,

We can never, ever, let you go.


I hope that we have all made you proud,

When we think about you, our hearts pump loud.

Everything we do, we do for you,

And when you swoop by, we know it’s your way of saying you love us too.


I think about how we used to play Pretty Pretty Princess,

And you let me dress you up, even though you looked like a mess.

You would always “be in the neighborhood” to just drop on by,

And when I saw you I would jump for the sky.

You liked to bring me a lot of new toys,

These are some of the things that I enjoyed.


Although our time together was cut too short,

I never doubted that I had all of your support.

I dedicate this poem and everything I do,

In loving memory of you.


Love,

Your Little Buddy

Cover Image Credit: The Barkan Family

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