“Everything happens for a reason.”

My whole life I’ve brushed off my worst experiences with just these few famous words. I’ll be honest, I don’t know if this statement is true or not. When I think about the hard things happening in my life now, I can’t understand them. I frequently wonder why these things keep happening to me and I wonder if they’ll ever end. What I can say is that every time I look back at my life in the rearview mirror I don’t find a series of unfortunate events, but rather a timeline of lessons learned and experiences gained. Maybe “everything happens for a reason” is only applicable in hindsight?

One of my favorite social media personalities, Katy Bellotte, seems to have a different opinion on the phrase. She argues that humans spend too much time trying to find reason in every little thing that happens. We are always searching for meaning, for an explanation, for a solution within life’s problems. According to her “sometimes you’re just dealt a bad hand in life, and there isn’t a reason for it. Sometimes, sh*t. just. happens.” While she may be right, I’m not sure if I can accept a world where bad things happen to people and no good comes out of it.

I know this is the case in many parts of the world. There are countries full of war, hunger, poverty, violence, abuse, and human trafficking. There is so much heartache and pain in the world, and there aren’t enough solutions. I have to believe that the suffering of millions of people has a reason. I have to believe the world is getting better in some way.

Many take “everything happens for a reason” quite literally, likening it to cause and effect. If you take certain actions, there will be certain repercussions, thus “everything happens for a reason.” To me, this is such a harsh take on the phrase and essentially warns that actions have consequences.

In my experience, “everything happens for a reason” has meant something very different. Every single time I have felt like the world has been after me, every time a friend has turned their back, every time I have felt like there was no way to keep things afloat, I would tell myself “everything happens for a reason.” It has become my own personal lifeboat. A simple sentence, made of simple words, that keeps me from sinking below the surface of life’s complexities.

Even more than that, when I look back at a past littered with hard times, these words help give me perspective. While the hardships I have experienced are certainly not the hardest challenges faced by people today, some of them have still left me uncertain and broken. From each of these breakings has come some life altering lesson or adaptation.

Most recently I have learned to stand up for myself. I have learned how to be ok with being alone. I have learned how to put myself first. I have learned how to tell who really cares. I have learned to take chances. I have learned to step out of my comfort zone. More than anything I have learned how to reflect on the bad and realize that it turned into something good.

I do believe that “everything happens for a reason” and that reason is to make me a better person. I believe things happen to make all of us better people. Whether you believe “sh*t just happens” or “everything happens for a reason” you are left with a choice. You can shake it off because you can’t control it, you can look at the overall positive effect, or you can sulk about how much life really sucks right now. That choice is yours to make. Nobody can make it for you.

I am so grateful for all of the hardships I have experienced. Yes they were awful at the time and I was miserable, but it’s really about perspective. I have only become stronger.

“Everything happens for a reason.”

Everything in my life has happened so I can become the person I am today.