There are many reasons why I look forward to coming home from college after a long semester, but my four favorite reasons are the four shih tzus that impatiently wait for me at the top of the steps, barking and enthusiastically wagging their tails until I walk upstairs so they can happily attack me with love (Don’t worry mom and dad, dogs are family too, so you’re all my number one reason for coming home). Imagine what it would be like to be a dog though. No school, no responsibilities, no rules, no adulting? I think dogs seem to have this “life” thing figured out and maybe it’s time the master takes notes. Here’s what a typical day in the life of my lucky dogs generally looks like.
How many times have you rolled over to that piercing alarm and fought your smartphone’s screen while struggling to hit snooze? Let’s talk about this for a second please. Do you know what my dogs’ alarms are? Their alarms are their tiny little bodies telling them their stomach is empty and their bladder is full. I can’t imagine how gratifying it must be to have the privaledge of not pressing snooze or to have someone clean up after you. No more waking up cantankerously on the wrong side of the bed. Not to mention, dogs never have a bedtime and regardless of the quantity of naps they take throughout the day, they always seem be able to fall asleep at night with ease. How stressful it must be to wake up and fall asleep whenever you please. What’s the saying again…play hard, sleep harder? Maybe all that sleep allows them to practice being such incredible cuddle buddies, though. Imagine never having to sleep alone again. Big spoon or little spoon, they always have a human companion or another dog that wants to cuddle side by side (No boyfriend? No problem. Seriously, no significant other required). If it’s not the amount of sleep, could it be all that comfy fur that makes them such great cuddle buddies? Well if that isn’t the prime reason for having all that fur, at least they’re lucky to have a jacket no matter what crazy weather Mother Nature fabricates.
After breakfast is served to you by a personal chef, the rest of the day is truly yours. Pick a couch, any couch, and enjoy watching your favorite Monday morning cartoon while in your birthday suit. Don’t even bother to look for clothes. No one cares what you look like naked, and in fact, the fluffier and chubbier you are, the cuter humans will think you are. You’ll never have to worry about what you look like while you’re aging without knowledge of the mirrored objects in the house (really no matter what age you are though, the humans will call you a puppy, I promise). Instead of looking in the mirror though, your time will be better spent grabbing your favorite seat adjacent to the window and do some people watching or uh, doggy watching. Wouldn’t life be great if all Mondays could be spent this way?
Even though you won’t find your dog in a pink and purple galaxy bathbomb’d bathtub, I promise your dog’s process of grooming is better than yours. Visualize for a second, if you will, never having to pay for a haircut (or really anything for that matter) ever again. No more awkward talks with the shampoo girl or neck cramps from the sink. You’d never have to worry about styling your hair because you will always have a personal hair stylist who will brush your luxurious locks for the rest of your doggy years for free. I’ll take a free blow-out every day, thank you.
Don’t even get me started on all the superhero-like powers that dogs possess on a daily basis. A keen sense of smell and incredible sense of hearing? Um, yes please. Running will become both your favorite sport and hobby once you realize you’re basically Flash with your natural lightning speed abilities. More importantly, you’ll get to spend the beautiful days outside and the rainy stay-in-bed days inside. Let me repeat that: you never have to leave your bed again on rainy days.
The best part about being a dog though? No matter what mood your humans are in, you will always put a smile on their face when they first see you. Seeing the rest of your loving family every day when they come home from work and always having someone to play with (Because, you know, as a dog you won’t have to stress about what you want to do the rest of your entire life) is really #doggoals. In addition, instead of studying for finals, you can endlessly google “how to become a dog.” I think it’s safe to assume dogs have the good life. While they say cats have nine lives, dogs only need one to get it right the first time.
