A Note to My Self

As I spend my last few days as a teen, I can’t help but feel surprised that I made it this long. A brief background about me is that I was born 11.3 ounces and 10 inches. (Yes, these are the correct numbers) I was known as the miracle child and one that defeated the odds. You can read about it here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/local/1998/08/07/tiny-md-infant-shows-she-can-beat-the-odds/a0c15339-6ef0-4414-93f6-0054c795b1e4/?utm_term=.42e8be50f9fa

Despite my miracle birth, my entire life was questionable. At a young age, I remember seeing white coats and different colored scrubs giving me a round of applause just because I was alive. Let’s be real; I was the Harry Potter of the muggle world. I have always questioned my existence and why I was granted a chance to live. However, the last 19 years have taught me “keep it going” in spite of my struggles and fears. In a week, I will be entering my 20’s and facing adulthood (Ew) and It feels like high school was a long road and the idea of it ending didn’t hit me.

Since college, I have had the same feeling of “the long never-ending road,” and it’s hard to believe that I will be graduating in two years. It’s hard to believe that I am going to get older and look at this moment as something in the past. It’s hard to believe that I am alive and have been living because of my miracle birth. (Still hard to believe that happened too). As I approach my twenties, I want to accomplish certain tasks and get over certain fears. One of those fears is my fear of failure. As a child and in my teens, I believed that I wasn’t good enough and because I wasn’t the best at school and life skills, I was a disappointment.

I was so afraid to succeed because I was so used to failure. A majority of my life I had confidence issues, body image issues, and low-self-esteem and anxiety. I believed that I was the only person that didn’t know what they were doing and that everything I did was a result of failure. I was a disappointment to myself and my family and was not the miracle child that I am supposed to be. Over the last year, I have gained more confidence in myself because my opportunity writing for Odyessy. However, I still struggle with body-image issues and my anxiety and self-esteem. I hope to overcome these struggles and to maybe have my happy- ever-after and reach my goals. Regardless of where the plot twist of my story takes me. I am ready to enter my twenties and a new decade of adventures and challenges that await.

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