Saying goodbye to someone is never easy. In fact, it is probably one of the most difficult things we do in our lives – letting others go. Whether it is because things are not working out or because you just grow apart, it stings. Becoming close to another human being is one of the most insane things that we do – because it is not in our nature to do so.
We are creatures of instinct, we are built simply for survival. Friendships and relationships simply do not fit into that, it does not help us survive any better, in fact, some say it hinders us. I think, C.S. Lewis puts it best when he says:
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
We were not built to have relationships with other people, and yet, we still do it because it gives us meaning. It gives us a sense of purpose. The feeling of having someone is a beautiful feeling. Yet, there eventually comes a point in which we must say goodbye to people – people we have grown to love deeply, people we care about more than anything, people who gave us purpose – and that, is an agonizing feeling.
It is agonizing because when we develop a relationship with someone, we put our hearts into that person. We grow to place our love, our trust, our value within that one person; and when it comes time to say goodbye, we are hurt because we do not want to lose all that we invested into them.
We do this to ourselves, but we never learn, we are creatures of habit – and to an extent, we do not want to learn from this one mistake. Though it hurts, saying goodbye, we would gladly do it all over again because nothing can beat the feeling of having somebody.
It is much like the classic 2004 film, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Though the pain of a breakup can often be hellish, we would gladly relive it over and over again if it meant that we got to spend more time with the person we are so deeply in love with. Who can blame Joel and Clementine? I certainly can’t.
However, letting go is different for everyone. For some, it was for the best, and for others, that simply was not the case.
For me, I had to let go because I loved them enough to do so. It was not easy and I did not expect it to be. She needed to grow and me being there was simply not allowing her to grow the way she needed. The pain is still fresh and it stings bitterly, though I do not feel bitter. When you love someone deeply, you do not care about yourself and your needs, you simply care for theirs. Despite the pain of her departure, I would rather her happy and blossoming without me, than dwindling with me.
I think about how things could have gone differently, and I am sure they could have, but sometimes life works out the way it does for a reason. Though I am not sure for what reason I have lost her, I trust that God will work through the pain to bring about blessing. It is not easy and it is going to be a day-by-day process, there is hope that a better tomorrow will come out of it.
To those who are going through a time of letting go, I want you to know that it is okay. It is okay to be upset. It is okay to miss them. Know that your pain will subside one day soon and I urge you to hold on. This pain you are feeling does not go in vain, there will be beauty springing from it soon, just hang on to that hope. Do not hold to the bad memories but cling to the good ones you spent with them, the days where the sun never seemed to set, the nights you never wanted to end – think of the good and do not dwell on the bad, believe me when I say, you will be better off for doing so.
And to you, my sunshine – I love you so much, possibly more than anybody I had ever loved before. You brought such joy, such light into my life and I cannot thank you enough for that. Thank you for bearing my sorrows with me and trying to make art from it. Thank you for loving me, despite my countless shortcomings. I miss you terribly and know that I will never forget you. I pray that we may find each other again, but if not, I know you will have a remarkable life, wherever you go. My heart rests easy knowing you will continue to grow and become an even more beautiful person than you are now. I am so grateful you came into my life at the time that you did, and though it crushes me to have to let you go, I love you enough to do so.
I love you, sunshine.
I miss you so much.