For some reason there seems to be a universal concept of dating up and dating down. Maybe you heard about it in How I Met Your Mother, or maybe your best bud isn't too impressed with your new beauty or beaux.
When talking about dating, I often hear phrases like "She's too good for him" and "Can you believe he's with her?" Every relationship supposedly has a reacher and a settler. It's confusing. According to the up-down subscribers, settling is wasting your potential. Yeah, it may be safe, but you can obviously do better. The answer is then to be the reacher and date someone out of your league. Sure, everyone will know you're the reacher, but you're maximizing your potential mate selection. That's got to be a win, right?
Dating is not about gaining enough popularity to jump to the next energy level of potential mates, it's about finding a match.
Trying to tackle the dating world with an upper-downer philosophy is an exercise in futility. Before someone starts dating, they need to know who they are. Trying to find a compatible companion is tough when you're not sure who you are yet. Odds are, you'll end up melting into someone else. Dependency is not becoming. On top of that, dating comes with its fair share of rejection. Only the confident come out alive. Before stressing about whether you are/should be the upper or downer, recognize that you're shooting yourself in the foot.
Although class systems and corporate America may beg to differ, there is no innate hierarchy embedded in the human race. People are people. Each individual has something to offer. We are all bundles of life interacting with other bundles of life. To me, that is sacred. To suggest that in the world of dating you need to be worried about rank is preposterous. Everyone has different ideas about the perfect partner, so why do we even prescribe to a universal theory of attractiveness?
People are different. That's the beauty of them. To suggest that some personality specialties are better than others is a pointless attempt to standardize the perfect partner. Date with the idea that you are better than others and you will be disappointed. Why? 1. Well, since you are prescribing to the theory of energy levels I'll put it in your terms. Such self-centered arrogance puts you back three levels at least. 2. You're going to miss out on something really great, guaranteed.
Think about it as finding your other half. Maybe it's cliché, but for some it really does feel like that. Think about it as hunting for a partner in crime, you guys against the world. Think about it as looking for your life-long dance partner. Stay away from hierarchies, and say hello to success.