If you're anything like me, the idea of moving away from home was absolutely terrifying. I had never been away from home for more than a couple of days, so the thought of having to be away from my family for a whole school year was not something I liked to think about. I'm not necessarily a risk taker, and it was astonishing to me that I fell in love with a college that was eight hours away from home. To some people, eight hours is nothing, but to me it feels like a lifetime. I had no idea that my desire to attend this school would over-power the fear I had rustling in my stomach.
My first emotion was fear, as anyone else's would be. I was scared of so many things and thought of all the possibilities that could go wrong. Would I be able to make friends? Was I going to like my roommate? Was my family going to be okay? What I knew I would fear the most was if something happened to my family while I was away. That fear alone nearly made me run the other way.
The next emotion was excitement. How could I not be excited about being able to be on my own? About being able to finally make my own decisions? It didn't matter how terrified I was; I couldn't wait for all the new experience I would encounter. Obviously the fear that I had been experiencing had yet to go away, in fact that fear still hasn't gone away and I honestly doubt that it will ever.
Anger was kind of a surprise to me. Ever since my junior year in high school when my good friend graduated and left me to suffer another year of high school with out him, I couldn't wait for my own graduation and to start college. Later on in my senior year, I was honestly confused why I was so mad but now that I think back on it I could see why. I was angry at another friend for showing me this college, I was angry that it was so far away, I was angry that I had to leave my home. I was angry at everything. It wasn't fair that my friend was able to go to a college that she loved and was still in the same town as her mom. It wasn't fair that I had to leave my mom and she got to be with hers. I know now that these were stupid thoughts. My friend couldn't control where the college was at. She couldn't help that her mom lived in the same town. I knew that I was frustrated and was being very petty.
Frustration was there from the beginning but it didn't really start to bother me until I had to start packing my life up. I had been living in this house for a really long time and it was extreamly hard to box up alll my belongings. I was frustrated beyond belief. I took it out on my family because maybe if I was angry at them I wouldn't miss them as much. It didn't work and that made me so much more frustrated.
My emotions were all over the place and they weren't in any order. Sometimes I would feel only one, or other times I would feel all of them at once. The few months leaving up to the day that I left were extremely hard for me. I had to say goodbye to the life that I had grown use to, I had to say goodbye to my mom, my sisters, my dad, my brother, to my nieces and nephew. I had to say goodbye to everything I knew and it was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do, but it was also extremely rewarding. I knew that by leaving my home and moving to college I had opened up a whole new world of experiences waiting for me.
Yes, leaving for college is terrifying. Yes, it is very hard to do. But I wouldn't change my decision for anything. One thing I encourage everyone out there who has felt something similar to my experience: go. Don't let your fears keep you from experiencing something great. College is not a journey you want to miss. Don't let all of your emotions take this away from you. If there is anything that I want you to take from this it's that you will always be afraid of something but it's your responsibility to be able to overcome it and do something great with that courage you've gained.