After reading an article written by John Mayer and Peter Salovey in 1990 that coined the term “emotional intelligence,” Daniel Goleman was inspired to learn more about the term and expound on it in his own book, Emotional Intelligence. Previously under the impression that IQ was the determining factor for success in a person’s career and overall well-being, Goleman sought to find evidence that social and emotional learning contributed to both domains as well.

He was right, and his book validates emotions.

He was fascinated by a memory of a bus driver whose positive attitude was so infectious that it infected the mindsets of every passenger who stepped aboard his bus. When Goleman surveyed the scene, he found that every sullen passenger was softened by the bus driver’s enthusiastic behavior. Goleman perceived this to be emotional intelligence because the bus driver knew that acting kindly could lighten up the mood of everyone he met. His book explains that each emotion plays a unique role in motivating everyone to act a certain way. He further explains that we have two brain mindsets: rational and emotional. Our brain generates an emotional response first before a rational one, and that is why it is important to understand how emotions are manifested and how to manifest them into productive actions.

Understanding our emotions allows us to control our own behavior instead of relying on the first impulse of emotion that is generated by our environment. We are not supposed to ignore our emotions because their purpose is to tell us right from wrong. Goleman describes emotional aptitude as a “meta-ability because it determines how well we can use whatever other skills we have, including raw intellect.” These emotional aptitudes include both interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence.

Interpersonal is being able to understand other people and empathize with them, while intrapersonal is being able to understand the emotions that one is feeling and why one is feeling them.

Emotions determine our motivation, focus, quality of our relationships, and quality of our own well-being. What we explicitly ignore is the fact that most of what we do is implicitly try to manage our own emotions. Goleman emphasizes that we can control how long an emotional can last even if we cannot control what emotion we will feel.

For example, the more we express an emotion, the more we feel that emotion. Goleman affirms that “venting” is a fallacy for handling anger. This is because the more we express anger, the more anger we feel. The same idea can be applied to worry and melancholy. However, the first step is to be aware of these emotions before handling them effectively. Self-awareness builds into empathy because the more we understand the universal emotions that we share with others, the more attuned we become with sensing those emotions in others. This is how we build rapport and reinforce our relationships with those we care about. This creates an interpersonal intelligence that allows us to organize groups, negotiate solutions, develop personal connections, and correctly analyze social situations.

According to the Harvard Business Review, academic talent and IQ were not the only factors in determining on-the-job productivity, but the rapport that people developed with their coworkers was a better predictor. Emotions can also make a difference in health as well; negative emotions such as anger are correlated with heart disease that can decrease the lifespan. People are healthier when they are not hostile or succumbing to emotions that release stress hormones in their bodies. According to Goleman, the antidote to hostility is a trusting heart. When people go through traumatic experiences, they are able to heal with emotional relearning and not succumbing to learned helplessness. It is important for people to develop an internal locus of control. The best way to help people learn how to acquire emotional intelligence is to teach them to act like a community that cares for its members.

Emotions are important, and they never need to be burdens. The worst feeling is feeling like you are being propelled by emotions that you cannot change, and the best feeling is being able to acknowledge emotions and why they are important without feeling controlled by them. This is emotional intelligence. From reading this book, I learned that it is important to stay positive and be self-aware. It’s also okay to feel.