Anyone who knows me personally knows two basic hallmarks of my personality: I am very emotional and I am a bad liar. I grew up in a household where talking about your feelings and emotions was not suggested, but was necessary for our family's communication. I also happen to have the world's worst poker face so my parents knew exactly when I was distraught.

I applaud my parents for not only putting up with a child who was such a terrible liar but also very stubborn about it too. If I believed my lie, you should too. Most conversations went something like this,

My mom: "Why are you upset?"

Four-year-old me (tears streaming down my face, nostrils flaring, and bright red): "I'm not upset."

Mom: "Seriously, what's wrong?"

Me (face swelling up by the second, arms crossed, lips pouting): "I'm really not upset."

It was from there my mom would probably ask two more times, I would break down and tell her exactly what was bothering me, and she would help me fix the problem. It wasn't until I was older that I realized that maybe my terrible lying skills actually helped me be more open with my emotions.

I am emotional, some people might say almost too emotional.

In my 23 years of existence, I have encountered a magnitude of different personalities and opinions. My future career of social work will also require me to interact will tons of people who are different than me.

Some of those people see or will see my emotions as weakness.

But why is that?

Just imagine I'm the human version of the Grinch at the end of the movie where his heart grows three times too big, but constantly. I call myself an emotional hurricane; all of my emotions swirl around me constantly and forcefully. Sometimes I felt like they were controlling my life. Sometimes I would fear them.

I cry at sentimental Budweiser commercials, every time I hear the National Anthem, watch anything about babies, and when I read pretty much any John Green book, but does that make me weak, or does it make me vulnerable? I used to see my openness and ability to feel for someone with such an extreme sense of empathy, as weakness myself.

I would constantly think to myself, "How are you going to counsel someone about their problems if you have tears streaming down your face?"

I used to think my emotional reaction to people's problems would kill my future career. But my opinions changed when I recently watched a Ted Talk by Brené Brown about vulnerability. In her lecture, Brown explains that vulnerability can be full of strife, hardships, and pain. Being open with someone and putting yourself out there for the whole world to see can be terrifying and painful.

But she also explained how amazing the gift of vulnerability is too.

There is beauty in vulnerability.

By being open with people about my emotions and not being able to have that barrier which is reinforced by lying to not only other people but myself, I am able to make genuine human connections and feel that raw, unrestricted, love around me and in my heart that so many people can't. Emotional vulnerability isn't something we as a society should be ashamed of, we should celebrate it.

I've been hurt before and I felt it, big time. It's so easy to push away from those bad emotions and build up our walls because we don't want to feel that pain again. But we can't hit a mute button on feeling hard emotions because it negates our good ones too. Sometimes we have to feel the pain of negative emotions to truly appreciate the positive ones.

That old saying "You can't have a rainbow without some rain." is true.

If my heart was a cup, it would be constantly overflowing with how much love I have. Yes, I cry at least once a day, but I laugh, scowl, question, and smile too. In 2018, I am going to stop with my excuses that "my contact is bugging me", "I have bad allergies" (I don't have ANY allergies), or "I sneezed" and own up to my feelings. The act of speaking out to why you feel that way is therapeutic and deeply underappreciated.

I will stop making excuses for my emotions and actually feel them, the way you are supposed to. I may be an emotional hurricane, but it's okay to feel that way. I used to fear that feeling of not knowing how to control them...and myself. I know now that my vulnerability and my ability to feel at such great magnitudes is actually a gift, and I'm not going to waste it.

It's okay to love, and to love hard.