If you are not already aware, I usually poll for ideas on my Instagram and hopefully get honest feedback on what you wanted to hear from me. Well, I assume that most of you wanted to hear about my EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy session because not many people know what it is. Well, let's take it back a few steps.
In 2017, I experienced emotional abuse and trauma regarding a past relationship (you know the drill). It left me with PTSD, which means constant flashbacks that can be triggered by smells, sounds, or any sense.
After five months, almost six of trying to deal with it on my own, I finally decided to take care of my mental health and seek out a therapist. Then, my new therapist recommended that we undergo EMDR therapy.
I know you are thinking, what in the world is EMDR? Well, the long form is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Basically, a registered therapist will use eye movement to help your brain process traumatic memories.
Once a series of rapid eye movements begin, your brain will start going through the memories and storing them away in the brain. In a way, PTSD is due to them being "stuck" or unprocessed or leaving to you to relive them constantly.
Crazy, right? While there are many techniques to doing the rapid eye movement, my therapist used "clickers." I placed a small device in each hand and it buzzed right, left, and back again.My therapist asked me to pick a specific picture in the memory that I found most traumatic. For my privacy, I won't tell you what my memory was, but she asked me to focus on that memory.
She began the buzzing in each hand and at first, nothing happened for me. I could feel the buzzes in my hand and I could hear her move papers around, but no memories were happening.She then asked me to rate the "disturbance" of the memory on a scale from 1-10. Obviously, I was still at a 10 since nothing happened. I was convinced that this was going to be pointless.
Then, I really put everything into this therapy and it was insane. My brain started taking over. I could remember colors, smells, what people were wearing, the color of my toenail polish, etc.
For me, it felt like a lucid dream, but I couldn't control the events. I could only walk around and look around, but I felt 100% safe in the environment where all my terrors happened.
Suddenly, my brain led me to more and more memories. My therapist stopped from time to time and asked me what I was seeing, or to rate my "disturbance" again.
The craziest experience of it all is the underlying pain you don't even feel. I would take a break and my face would be soaked in tears, but I didn't remember actively crying.
After a whole hour of this therapy, my "disturbance" level was at a one. I could think of the memory and associate the words "I have choices" with the trauma, which my therapist constantly pushed.
At the time I am writing this, it has been a week. I have had memories off and on. The anxiety is little to none and I no longer think of my abusive ex and get scared.
I have more sessions to go, but the first one was life-changing. EMDR gave me my life back in a time where my PTSD was suffocating me.
Everyone has a different experience, but I am just barely scratching the surface of EMDR.
If you want to know more, watch these videos.