Nobody knows what they're doing in college and that's OK. College is a time to invent yourself, find your passions, establish your professional network, find love, find despair, be successful, and fail—all the time. I'm not here to give you a list on how to make it through college, because I don't know. I'm not here to tell you to go find your passions and jump out of bed in the morning wanting to take on the world because…ew. I'm not here to say "be open to love" because maybe you'll find your soulmate or maybe you won't; I'm not Cupid. I just want to ask you to admit your faults. Be vulnerable with your peers. Be honest about your short comings. Ask for help. Be confident in what you're good at because even if it is sleeping, you're good at something. I'm here to ask you to join me in The Vulnerable Revolution.
In 2010, an awe-inspiring woman named Dr. Brené Brown delivered a Tedx Talk in Houston called "The Power of Vulnerability". In this talk, among so many things, Dr. Brown mentions the unraveling nature of shame and fear. The true festering flesh wound of our society is this fear—fear of risk, fear of loss, fear of hurting others and being hurt. But here is where life gets complicated: You can't grow without showing a bit of your weakness. You can't experience adventure without taking risk. You can't love without breaking down walls and exposing your vulnerable self. If you can't "lean into the discomfort of vulnerability," as Brown has said, then you are taking away your own ability to experience life. In other words, when you become unwilling to show your vulnerability, you become unwilling to experience life to the fullest.
So, normalize your discomfort. Know that everyone experiences shame in so many different ways and find commonality in that. Recognize what shame you have, name and talk about the shame you feel with your friends and family and loved ones. Talk about your fears. Normalize the difficult conversations.
Life is hard for everyone—I truly mean everyone. We all experience hardship. Objectively speaking, some hardships have larger social and cultural implications than others. But we only know our own reality. To stratify my pain on your scale is impossible. Draw connections in the pain and joy and sadness and excitement that your friends and family and peers and loved ones and hated ones feel. Don't play the "my pain is worse than yours" game, because life isn't a competition. And in the wise, wise words of Rosie Watson in the song "Be Yourself" by Frank Ocean, "Be yourself and know that that's good enough. Rely and trust upon your own decisions. On your own beliefs."
Now, I'm not saying you should go sit with someone you've never met at the local Starbucks café and tell them about the most painful moments of your childhood, because that random person probably doesn’t care. But you should love your friends endlessly and tell them that you do. I want you to cherish the time you have with them. I want you to live in this very moment instead of trying to make it last forever, because not everything is forever and that’s O.K. Lean into the discomfort of not knowing what the future holds for your relationships. Give each other grace, stare at the night sky tracing made-up constellations, believe what others lay down on the table, and ask the questions:
My plea to my peers at Michigan State and anyone reading this is to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is the gateway to a
better world. Vulnerability is the key to the door you call “life
goals” on Twitter.