When I was younger, everything my older brother and sister got to do sounded like a dream. I couldn’t wait to grow up. Then, when about 14 or 15 hit, I was over it real fast. Teenage-hood wasn’t exactly what it looked like from the outside. I guess I just saw what I wanted to see, completely ignoring the mood swings, emotions, drama and insecurity my older siblings were likely facing (let’s face it, we’ve all been there).
When I got there, I wished for the hours, the days back. The days I spent longing for a different part of my life—a part I wasn’t even guaranteed—became days that took away from that life. Days I wished I could redo.
So many of us have been there. We didn’t enjoy the moments we had. Yet, now we are doing the exact same thing in reverse; we aren’t enjoying the moments we have, as we wish back our childhood and times we deem “simpler.”
What I fear is doing the same thing with this college life.
Wishing to go back in time or wishing for time to stop altogether simply wastes it all away. Dwelling on the uncertain future, the past simplicities or failures takes away from this moment right here. And this moment right here is something pretty special.
No, it won’t always be exactly what you thought it would. There will be days you’ll feel lonely and then days you’ll feel surrounded. There will be days you’ll love your classes and days you’ll fight falling asleep in every single one. There will be days you will be far past exhausted. Giving up might seem like a reasonable option. Yet, once you get past those moments, finish those tests, submit those papers and take in the life and the joy around you, you’ll realize just how lucky you are. Because we are honestly undeserving of a moment like this. A new fresh start is waiting in every single sunrise we experience. That’s why this day is so special, so important.
So I guess Neverland doesn’t seem like the best idea after all; I mean, isn’t there such mysterious beauty in age? In learning? In wisdom? In change? I don’t know about you, but I am pretty thankful I am not the same person I was a few years ago, even a few months ago.
I want to embrace this. I want to be okay with growing up, not fearful because I know this is right where I need to be.
I do not need to live in regret of the past or anxiety for the future. I am not a part of either.