So, if you haven't noticed by now, Niall Horan has played a pretty big part in my life – and me making new friends is no different.

I have my best friends, the Loosers (On The Loosers is our name officially) and it's compromised of some of the very best girls I have ever met. So, we actually didn't start as friends altogether – we were in a huge group chat with Jess, and I brought up the idea about a YouTube channel to make videos and diaries to each other (basically) so we can all talk. Slowly but surely, we had responses and made our own separate group chat to talk about it. Ella, Claire, Alix (pronounced ah-lix), Sky (although we call her a variation of names now, including Skyline), and Victoria (who we call Vic), and myself (although I am now called Caitling after an autocorrect error) – we also added Niall, but he doesn't respond much. We have been a group since April 5th, to be exact, which means we have been friends nearly a month and a half – and let me tell you, I have had one of the very best months of my life.

It's astonishing how much I have told those girls. I have told some of my darkest secrets that nearly no one knows, and I feel comfortable enough to say because I know that they won't judge me or use it to hurt me. Each and every one of them supports me so much and are honestly my biggest fans. I shared my letter with them first, telling them things about me I hadn't shared with anyone, saying how, for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel anxious or nervous after sharing – it felt natural.

When Jess called us her best friends for the first time not even two weeks after knowing each other (although we talk enough every day that it nearly breaks my phone), I knew I was part of something special.

I went through a really tough time right before I met them, and I had "friends" call me horrid names and tell me that I'm a "shit friend" and don't deserve anyone and loads of other horrible things, and if I'm being honest, I was really scared to jump into a friendship because I feared that I would disappoint them and make them hate me somehow.

But I was wrong.

I can't ever express in words how much I appreciate them. I have told them a lot, and each time I share, they're the first to tell me that they feel honored that I told them and that they're proud of how far I've come, and how they're glad I'm there with them. They're glad - please. I'm so happy I have them.

With that, I am going to tell you 11 things I learned in our month and a bit of friendship, because believe me, they have taught me so much.

1. Making a best friend doesn't have to take a lifetime.

It's common for people to believe that you can't make a best friend overnight. I totally agree. It takes me a long time to open up to someone so much that I would call them a best friend. But, for some reason, with my friends now, it is so different. I feel comfortable telling them things that I haven't told anyone before, and I never feel nervous to share. I am so loved by them, it's insane. I always have one of them telling me they're proud of me, or how they're all so glad I'm with them, and I can't put into words how grateful I am. I am so happy to be part of our group. I'll never take this for granted.

2. We all have a serious problem with telling each other to "Choke. x."

Okay, so this will take context. I honestly can't even remember when it started, but I know Jess said it first. It's her brand. She says it to Vic mostly, because Vic literally antagonizes her to no end, but it is so funny. It started to be said about Niall and attacking each other with pictures of our shows, and eventually, it involved into EVERYTHING. Say "I hate you"? Choke. Boy* (*they'll know who I'm talking about) we have a crush on? Choke. Send a picture of Niall at Dublin? CHOKE. It's a serious inside joke, at this point, but it so hilarious. We have a huge trip planned for Niall's Tour (I'm not revealing which one) and I was told that one of them is going to choke on the plane. I'm not sure who, but it's fine. Everything is fine.

3. Having one common interest led us to know so much about each other.

We all met because of Niall – surprise, surprise. We met because of a group chat about Niall, specifically the song, "Mirrors" (hello, Mirror Stans, you are appreciated). We didn't talk much in there very long, and sadly, that group chat died way too soon. But, here we are. We talked about the YouTube channel for a bit, got to know each other, but honestly? It didn't take us more than a few days to start becoming real friends. We know each other's pasts, our fears, our anxiety about talking to a boy (Jess, I'm never letting you live this down), our dreams, what makes us happy. We know it all. It's the best feeling in the entire world. We have so much in common, it's insane. It's like I've found a group that I belong in. I'm finally in a group that loves and accepts me as much as I love and accept them – and it's a wonderful experience.

4. We have Ted Talks late at night.

Okay, this started happening recently, and we're wild. We are quite literally crazy. Over the past two nights, we have talked about dogs, the "your mom's a hoe" trend (because I'm literally obsessed with it), the Duggars, our children, Niall's children (don't ask), marriage, prenuptial agreements, divorce, and Josh Peck. It's so funny because they are such serious conversations? Like we deeply and heavily talk about this and it's normal for that moment? I don't know how to explain it, but we sound utterly insane when we do so. I love it though. It's some of our best conversations. Because they're honest and real. We love being intellectuals.

5. Being in different time zones makes midnight lonely man's hour.

Jess lives in Ireland, Claire lives in Northern Ireland, Ella lives in England, Vic lives in Norway, Alix lives in Michigan, and Sky lives in New York. So, you can imagine that our time zones and differences are a bit wild. We talk all day, every day, however, once eleven o'clock/midnight rolls around, it's like deathly silent. Sky and Alix are ready to sleep because they have school in the morning, I am awake because I don't have school, and Jess, Claire, Ella, and Vic are all asleep because it's five/six in the morning. It's so bad (I'm laughing as I write this). I'm like a lost puppy (as I intelligently said, last night) because I'm just waiting for one of them to wake up and have a conversation. Because, normal people are able to fall asleep early, but I find myself swirling into a deep pit of David Dobrik, Josh Peck, Shane Dawson, and Emma Chamberlain YouTube videos. Anyways, I'll be awake for about an hour of conversation once they wake up and then I fall asleep and wake up to three hundred messages.

6. Making plans to meet is one of the most exciting moments ever.

I'm not saying I'm definitely meeting my best friends in September, but I'm definitely meeting my best friends in September. We talk about it so much. It is so exciting. Getting to think about finally us all (mostly, four of seven) being together, in the same country, same state, same house, getting to talk and be with each other and go to see our favorite person in concert together? We're living our best lives. Only a few more months!

7. We say we hate each other until you get into Soft Time.

Soft Time is an odd time for us. We talk about our feelings and our appreciation for each other and how we actually don't know where we'd be without each other. We all say we hate each other a lot, or to go "choke," or that we're going to block each other, but in the end, this is how we are. We all really do appreciate each other, and love each other, and love being a huge part of each other's lives. But, it never lasts very long so those moments we have to cherish a lot.

8. We might have a missing member of our group after the nine-hour flight.

Not much to explain here. Jess and Vic have this ongoing joke (?) about throwing each other off the plane because they'll be spending nine hours annoying each other. I'm honestly not sure if everything will be alright or if they'll get kicked off, but let's hope nothing happens. All I know is that when I'm waiting at the airport I better see two Europeans instead of one.

9. We all actually hate Niall (?)

I don't even have an actual explanation for this. We just do? We like everyone else more. Tara Cassandro, Niall's assistant - we love her (my best friend). Christian Tierney, Niall's photographer - prize him (Sky's best friend). Hugo, Niall's security dog - the best. Basil and Ian, Niall's security guards - legends only. Niall? No thank you, sir. We're all traveling and planning to meet him together, but, we actually want to meet his team more. I don't think that's normal, but, okay.

Niall, if you ever happen to stumble upon this, I'm sorry, my guy.

10. "Choke" is our way of saying "I love you."

Only discovered today after talking about my article with the girls, did we decide that "Choke. x" was going to be our form of "I love you.". I don't really think this needs an explanation other than, that's just us.

11. I have made friends for life.

So, yes. I have the best friends in the entire world. I have best friends that laugh with me, and love me, and are proud of me, and care for me. When you spend most friendships being the only one giving, it's shocking to find a friendship that does the same for you – never mind an entire group of friends that do that. I love those girls so much, and I appreciate them beyond words.

OTLoosers gals, I know you're reading this, because I am going to send it to you, as always, and I want you to know this.

Thank you for everything. I truly mean it. I can't say it enough.

I love you all with my whole heart and I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you.

As much as I'm reluctant to admit, thank you for blowing my phone up at four in the morning, for being soft with me, for appreciating me, for telling me you're proud of me. I'll never be able to say how much you mean to me.

You are all the best friends I could have asked for.

Caitlin (Caitling, for Sky and Vic) x

P.S.

You can all choke. x