Folks, we've taken America back.

After Shillary Clinton's defeat this election the U.S.S-, I mean the United States, is back on track to world domin-, I mean world peace.

I'm your average red blooded American man, I work at the local factory producing glorious Ford cars for the motherland and attend rodeo shows on the weekend, yeehaw! So when I voted for President Trump, I knew that the world would never be the same. Finally, my country would return to it's status as a world power once again and have immense influence on global affairs. We could finally make up for the devastating war in Afghanistan and the financial crisis that was a direct result of perestroika, or the housing bubble.

But now the leftist Marxist media is attempting to frame the Donald and his administration for apparently colluding with the strong and powerful country of Russia, and their very handsome and intelligent leader Vladimir Putin, to steal the election from Fuhrer Clinton! As all true Americans know, this is simply propaganda engineered by evil liberals who want gays to destroy family values and to allow poor people and minorities to peacefully exist. So no matter what "facts," "proof," "video evidence" or "testimonies" come out in the next few weeks, remember one thing. DONALD TRUMP IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. If someone questions this yell it even louder and tell them to just "get over it" and drink their liberal tears.

Isn't it so embarrassing that people are attempting to fight against the Donald? He won fair and square, and didn't even need the votes of the 3 million other people that attempted to vote in a fascist! Democracy is wonderful da? It brings me great feeling to see men and women of this country fight back against the liberals and their attempt to "save the republic," they are so of having "low energy" yes? Is very funny.

Now, to all my fellow Trump voters, otherwise known as true Americans, there's something you can do to help the Donald out even more. Continue to share very aggressive and un-verified news reports about how Hillary Clinton personally killed Abraham Lincoln on Facebook, and also defend the Confederacy and claim that the slave owners were merely practicing free speech! This will ensure healthy political discussion just as our founding comrades intended! Also, send all personal information and the information of any suspected dissidents to the following address.

Kremlevskaya nab., Moskva, Russia, 119072

Also, big thank you to Jared Kushner for attempting to bypass all unnecessary capitalistic bureaucracy and communicate directly with the Kremlin and our glorious leader Vladimir Putin. This is very legal yes. Everything the President does is legal. Repeat this to yourself now, everything the President does is legal. Say this 10 more times and then read the envelope we have delivered in your mailbox. Instructions will follow comrade.

And finally, to end this glorious example of first amendment, here is great quote from famous American actor/President Ronald Reagan.

Продолжайте голосовать за республиканцев, игнорируйте средства массовой информации, подчиняйтесь подчинитесь, подчиняйтесь