I have only endured two days of the spring semester of my sophomore year and I'm not sure if I want to drop out of college or drop dead.

I am convinced that my already tiny brain shrank tenfold after doing nothing but watching YouTube videos during winter break. That probably explains why I'm so overwhelmed with the sudden responsibilities of college. And it also explains why I can't go a day without crying in a public bathroom.

My to-do list went from "remember to shower" to "read 100 pages, apply for internships that won't accept you, schedule study abroad meeting, get nervous about going to study abroad meeting, figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, and accept that you are already a failure."

Apart from ever-present schoolwork, these two days have mentally ruined me.

Plunging my awkward and insecure self in social settings and classes is a constant reminder that I absolutely detest myself. Oh, how I long for the days when I had the choice to stay inside my house for days and ignore all of my stupid problems.

Sleep has been an issue, but I shouldn't complain too much since it's only been two days. But it's 2 a.m., I'm wide awake, not sure if it's because of the loud people in my building, the incessant noise of water running from the shower, my fucked up sleep schedule, or my anxious thoughts.

In bed, I think to myself: I need a summer internship, I need a summer job, I need to do research, and I need to build my résumé. But how do I do that? I have to go to the Career Center. I have to go to that résumé building class.

But then I have to take time out of my day to do that. I'm so busy tomorrow. If I don't get a summer internship, I'm not going to be successful. I'm bound for unsuccess. I'm also not going to be successful because I'm not likable. Or fun. Or nice. Or interesting. Or hardworking.

I think about commuting instead of dorming, I think about skipping the next school semester, I think about if my parents would let me study abroad, I think about distancing myself from friends and family to make room for studying.

I think these two days have been rough because I've been thinking too much. And I think these feelings will pass. And if you're feeling similar feelings that make you want to drop out, it's okay. But acknowledge what is dragging you down and work through them. I will too.